Want to be sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 36
Want to be sober
I've never used a site like this before a bit apprehensive . I've got to a point in my life I don't really know where to turn but I feel that alcohol and cannabis are ruining my life . Sometimes I am in control of my drinking but other times I lose control and before I know it I have no memory of the end of the night or how I get home . It worries me as I know it leaves me vulnerable. Recently split with my partner too who had a problem with drink but he didn't want to change . I feel like I want a different life to this but I just fall back into the same way. Hearing people's posts on hear makes me hopeful I can , it's just so hard when everyone around me drinks .
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 79
Welcome to SR Lobrien! Congrats on admitting you have a problem and that you want help. Stay close by here and read as much as you can. I'm only 2 weeks in, but I'm sure you will get a lot of great advice from other more experienced people. Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 36
Hopeful
Thank you , I am hopeful that things can get better for me , it's good to see so many others trying to change. ive been scared about my problem for such a long time and I loved my ex but he was in denial about the problem and was dragging me under but I thought when we split I would just stop but the depression and loneliness of losing him means I've continued . I feel there has got to be something better than this trap I feel I am in
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Welcome! This is a safe place to talk to others that understand who have been there or are still currently going through it so please don't be apprehensive we are all here to support you and try to help you make healthy decisions and get the life you deserve!
Making a recovery plan and then finding a recovery program that appeals to you and one that you feel following will help you (AA, Smart recovery, Life ring, Rational recovery, etc. I have foun counseling also really helps. I journal so that in a weak moment I can look back and read about how much I wanted sobriety and recovery and how it felt to have to start for the first time. It is also helpful to start living a healthy life style - eating healthy, working out, finding new healthy hobbies, creating a sober support system, ect,
You can do this! It might be hard at first, but if you put the work into your recovery you will find that the rewards of recovery are worth the work it took to get there.
Making a recovery plan and then finding a recovery program that appeals to you and one that you feel following will help you (AA, Smart recovery, Life ring, Rational recovery, etc. I have foun counseling also really helps. I journal so that in a weak moment I can look back and read about how much I wanted sobriety and recovery and how it felt to have to start for the first time. It is also helpful to start living a healthy life style - eating healthy, working out, finding new healthy hobbies, creating a sober support system, ect,
You can do this! It might be hard at first, but if you put the work into your recovery you will find that the rewards of recovery are worth the work it took to get there.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
We're so happy to have you with us, Lobrien.
I was apprehensive about posting when I first came here too, 9 yrs. ago. Being able to open up and talk to others who truly understand has made all the difference to me. I had felt all alone before - no one in my life had any idea what I was going through. You're among friends who care - and you can do this.
I was apprehensive about posting when I first came here too, 9 yrs. ago. Being able to open up and talk to others who truly understand has made all the difference to me. I had felt all alone before - no one in my life had any idea what I was going through. You're among friends who care - and you can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 36
I'm not sure how to go about a recovery plan it's so difficult to find the time to do anything for my self, I am a single parent with a pressured job in psychiatry . This is why I slip back to old ways . I am off sick from work at the moment but worry about that and I have been seeing a therapist . I am never honest about the cannabis addiction as worried because of my job , etc .
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Welcome. You've come to a great place if you want to get sober. The support and encouragement that i have had from folk on here is pretty amazing. Here is a link to a great thread by Dee on making a plan if you wanted to investigate that....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-2.html
I remember feeling that ny only possible relief from the pain caused by the outside world would be from taking a drink. And when it didn't actually do what it promised, I carried on believing that for several years anyway. How's it going for you at the moment with drinking actually making the pain of splitting with your partner go away? I suspect that drinking as a solution is proving pretty ineffective. It's just meaning you're a drunk adult in charge of children of a regular basis. I know people who carried on down that line a little further than you who are still fighting to get their kids back today, years later. I'm not trying to guilt trip you here, just pointing out the very real power alcohol has to steal away what we love the most while we are still active in our alcoholism. Alcohol (through our Addict Voice, our AV) promises us the world and more. In fact, it never stops taking. Not til we stop taking it.
I wish you all the best for getting sober, and staying that day one day at a time, and your recovery.
Look forward to reading about it in your future posts.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-2.html
I remember feeling that ny only possible relief from the pain caused by the outside world would be from taking a drink. And when it didn't actually do what it promised, I carried on believing that for several years anyway. How's it going for you at the moment with drinking actually making the pain of splitting with your partner go away? I suspect that drinking as a solution is proving pretty ineffective. It's just meaning you're a drunk adult in charge of children of a regular basis. I know people who carried on down that line a little further than you who are still fighting to get their kids back today, years later. I'm not trying to guilt trip you here, just pointing out the very real power alcohol has to steal away what we love the most while we are still active in our alcoholism. Alcohol (through our Addict Voice, our AV) promises us the world and more. In fact, it never stops taking. Not til we stop taking it.
I wish you all the best for getting sober, and staying that day one day at a time, and your recovery.
Look forward to reading about it in your future posts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 36
Struggling
Really struggling because of feelings to do with ex who has a problem with drink cannabis and depression. When we where together he was always having breakdowns and drinking and it related a lot to a need to control me . He constantly abonded me and went drinking if we had the slightest argument and would sometimes cause them on purpose it seemed. He wouldn't get help for his problem but we had therapy together as he made out it was me who had a lot of the problems. The therapist spotted what he was doing and advised he get is own help and confirmed he was emotionally abusing me . After his drinking binges he used to come back all sorry claimed to love me but then the cycle would just repeat again. I kept going back like a fool because I really loved him.
He left me when he realised he couldn't control me anymore. We have been separated for a few months and although I know he is no good for me I feel left heartbroken after all that as happened now I am the miserable sad one and he seems to be doing fine it doesn't make sense.
He left me when he realised he couldn't control me anymore. We have been separated for a few months and although I know he is no good for me I feel left heartbroken after all that as happened now I am the miserable sad one and he seems to be doing fine it doesn't make sense.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sorry to hear you're feeling sad. But.... drinking won't make anything better. Stay sober, work on your recovery, and not only will you get over this past relationship, but you will be less likely to be attracted to similar people in the future.
The main triggers for relapse are the HALT ones. Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired. Please be watchful for these and safeguard yourself against them. With your recent breakup it's probably a good idea to find ways of surrounding yourself with sober friends and family (even if only by phone contact). If you have none, then there are some good ways of getting to know others in your community. AA or other recovery groups. Church groups. General clubs or activities. Maybe visit your library and see if there is anything on the noticeboard that sounds interesting. It might be that somewhere is looking for volunteers.
All this is not an attempt to replace your ex. But an effort to avoid loneliness and isolation. Both of which can be extremely detrimental to sobriety and recovery. Besides which, you might (maybe) surprise yourself and enjoy some things which sound, initially, a little boring. (I was amazed at the fact that actually being constantly pissed wasn't so much better than everything else like I'd thought it was for decades.)
Sounds like you know you've dodged a bullet, but are just going through the natural grieving process, which is understandable. Just, if you want to stay sober, you're going to need to look after yourself a little proactively through this.
The main triggers for relapse are the HALT ones. Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired. Please be watchful for these and safeguard yourself against them. With your recent breakup it's probably a good idea to find ways of surrounding yourself with sober friends and family (even if only by phone contact). If you have none, then there are some good ways of getting to know others in your community. AA or other recovery groups. Church groups. General clubs or activities. Maybe visit your library and see if there is anything on the noticeboard that sounds interesting. It might be that somewhere is looking for volunteers.
All this is not an attempt to replace your ex. But an effort to avoid loneliness and isolation. Both of which can be extremely detrimental to sobriety and recovery. Besides which, you might (maybe) surprise yourself and enjoy some things which sound, initially, a little boring. (I was amazed at the fact that actually being constantly pissed wasn't so much better than everything else like I'd thought it was for decades.)
Sounds like you know you've dodged a bullet, but are just going through the natural grieving process, which is understandable. Just, if you want to stay sober, you're going to need to look after yourself a little proactively through this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 36
Thankyou
I know I have dodged a bullet but just finding it hard it is the grieving process . I have some good family and friends and are already making steps too recovery . However the thought of him moving on so easily after everything he put me through and that he just finds it so easy now after all the depression he usually suffers
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi Lobrien,
I know where you are and where he was (is). Cannabis was a major part of my life for almost 10 years and alcohol for much longer.
What I can tell you is I lost count of how many times it looked like I easily stopped both, but the process for actually doing it is deeper and longer, you don't know if he's done that and much more importantly you have the chance to do it yourself, so go for it and grab it, you can do it.
P
I know where you are and where he was (is). Cannabis was a major part of my life for almost 10 years and alcohol for much longer.
What I can tell you is I lost count of how many times it looked like I easily stopped both, but the process for actually doing it is deeper and longer, you don't know if he's done that and much more importantly you have the chance to do it yourself, so go for it and grab it, you can do it.
P
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