jimmyhow

I got blind drunk yesterday and ended up sending horrible texts to my other half. She's really pissed off with me this time and it's a miracle she hasn't left.

I can't keep going on like this and need to stop. Why do I keep doing it??!!!

fred59

restraint of tongue and pen not so easy when drunk, maybe you keep doing it because you have a drinking problem.
So what is your plan

JD

I don't know Jimmy. Why do you? Do you have a plan on how you'll stay sober? Now's the time for action. It won't get any better or easier.

Endeavor

It seems like you're pissed off about something, I'm not an angry guy when I get blasted, quite the opposite. I think it's why I've been able to do it so long without consequence, yet I have my own failings as well.

There have been times I've been pissed off about something and said a few nasty things I regret while under the influence, so to speak. If I do so, I sincerely apologize as soon as I can because they are not our punching bags. There is an invisible yet infinitely strong bond that exists between two people who dare not break it, until they absolutely must to live life without grief. If it were me berating her for reasons I thought at the time were just, but were not; well I'd apologize quickly and try to get to the root of the issue.

My advice to you is to think about it and try to have a discussion when sober, regarding whatever is bothering you. Do this so you can come to resolution with a clear head. Holding it in and blasting it out while your hammered will never lead to a good conclusion.

"My other half" means so much more than just words and our partners need to know the real deal, not the explosive you.

Keep a clear head, refrain from doing things you shouldn't do while shitted, obviously try not to drink at all and just be the better guy you envision yourself to be. Clearly she's on your side.

jimmyhow

I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but this has got to be the time I stop. Has to be, or I'll end up screwing my life up.

I'm open to suggestions regarding a plan. So far I've just pretty much tried not to drink (which obviously isn't enough). I need some practical pointers.

bexxed

Last time I was dry for a good amount of time I realized that "having a plan" isn't the trick question it sounds like. It's a simple story for how you plan to stay sober. For me I'm taking it day by day. What am I going to do today. For me it feels like when I try to go into the future in my head I come up with excuses to drink. So, today, I plan to not drink. I have beverages to drink in my fridge that are non alcoholic, a plan to do something productive, and this forum to check into several times today. I plan to write a list of things to be grateful for what any other emotion starts to creep in.

Some people have AA meetings. I think it might be helpful to talk to people live and in person who are guaranteed to get it and maybe have successfully navigated this ordeal of early sobriety themselves.

JamesfrmEngland

It's 5.30pm, look for an AA meeting near you tonight, they usually start at 7.30pm.

Madruski

Bexxed, I like your game plan. I too have a bit of trouble not drinking if I keep looking into the future, unfortunately I see lots of family events with celebrations, and iam from a Easter European culter so not drinking is almost criminal .

I'd rather tackle each day and worry when these events come up. Plus looking too far ahead this early only makes you miss alcohol because you know you can't have it anymore, it's reality.

Delilah1

Hi Jimmy,

I'm glad you are here and checking in this morning. I have used this site as my greatest support. The first few days, even weeks I spent a lot of time on here reading and posting . I planned out every minute of the time I would have normally been drinking. I read several books on recovery, went for long walks, did yoga, took my kids places, I kept really busy.

Sounds like maybe going to a meeting might help. There are lots of different meetings: AA, Smart, Life Ring, Celebrate Recovery.

One strategy for tonight, the second you start thinking about drinking log in here and post. Also, if you have any alcohol in the house get rid of it.

I promise you sobriety is worth it, you can do this!!!

JD

Lots of good advice here already. My plan consists of a lot of what ifs. What am I going to do to keep from drinking if such and such comes up. There are lots of events, feelings, emotions, and people, etc that could cause me to start thinking of drinking. I want to have a plan for what I'll do instead of drinking for everything I can think of. I also spend a lot of time on SR reading and occasionally posting.

jimmyhow

I think the family occasions are going to be my biggest obstacle to. I'm already thinking about how I'm going to navigate Christmas, although I see that taking it day by day is the sensible approach. It's just too big if I look too far ahead.

jimmyhow

My problem this time was that I completely and utterly misread a text conversation. I took it totally the wrong way, blaming her for things she hadn't even done & said. Not only did I misread the situation, I completely overreacted as well. It had been a bad day (a funeral) and after too much booze everything seemed to take on a dark edge. I saw the worst when it wasn't there. Now I feel like a complete b****rd.

I'm never been physically violent towards her, but it nevertheless feels like I lashed out. At least metaphorically, and I didn't like it. I can't believe how utterly ridiculously I behaved.

Madruski

Jimmy, just general advice, but teach yourself the self restraint to NOT argue over text in a relationship. So much can and will get lost and misinterpreted. (I know being drunk is harder )

No Matter how much I wanted to fly off the handle, I always tried my best to txt this-- "you know me, iam not doing this over txt, either meet me in person or ring me, let's be reasonable for a second"

It works 90% of time. Because it gives everyone time too cool off. And the person can explain a txt message.

WeekendWarrior

Commit to 30 days sober, no more, no less, no exceptions. Start assessing around day 20 and by day 30 you will have some honest clarity. Thirty days is nothing; "normal" people do it all the time without even thinking about drinking, because they aren't alcoholics.

Soberwolf

Good that you made it back a lot dont brother

PurpleKnight

Addiction is a real thing, but you can draw a line under it once and for all Jimmy!!

jimmyhow

WW, I'm pretty sure I could do a month if I didn't go anywhere or see anyone.

What would be nice is one or two sober friends. I'm running pretty thin on friends as it is and will be almost on my own if I have to distance myself. That is what scares me a bit.

My other half drinks, but doesn't talk me into it and can drink 'normally'. She has wine in the house but I don't touch it. I can't stand the stuff, it makes me sick. My big challenge is going to be socially with other people, family friends etc - that's where my habit has its roots. Im a binge drinker, I started off drinking from social anxiety and it spiralled from that.

JD

Jimmy, for social events always have an escape plan. That could be as simple as excusing yourself to the bath room to check in on SR or driving separately from your wife so you can leave if you need to. White lies are ok in my book.

jimmyhow

I've just been thinking that unless it's something I really can't get out of, I'm just not going to go for the first month. Hopefully that will break the cycle of people expecting me to be there and expecting me to drink.

Linz805

Jimmy I am sitting at home while my family is on a boat out at the lake about 2 hours away and they have probably been drinking all day. That is why I am not there. I have avoided "friends" and any where drinking may be involved because I am to fragile. I wish I had a few sober people to relate to. I have this site and I went to a couple of AA meetings and unbelievably I now have 2 people I can call if I just can't go on anymore. I don't usually reach out for help but they are there. You can lean on us and also be looking for people in real life. They are out here, thousands of them