bexxed

I really really don't like drunk or drinking me and I promise you wouldn't either. I can fake it sometimes and make it through so you might not think I was so bad but man, the more this character gets developed the more miserable I am hanging out with myself. I feel like I'm waking up with someone I really don't like. I need a plan.

Drunk me reminded me a little of my drunk mother last night and I'm getting it that I am like her. Full of herself, sloppy, a little mean. It makes my blood curdle to think about it. I swear to God that isn't who I am. I want sobriety and I need sobriety and I always stop coming to this forum the second I pick up because I don't want this drunk me person to come here.

I haven't wrecked a car or gotten in a fist fight, I'm just a sloppy drunk egomaniac (expletive). I just woke up tired after not really sleeping and don't want to go to bed with this person in my head again. She is so unpleasant. If you only knew. Oh yeah. You probably do know.

WeekendWarrior

Commit to 30 days, no more, no less, no exceptions. You'll develop a new habit of not drinking and you will have clarity that you don't have today.

Coldfusion

Hi Bexxed!

I found that AA offered not only a plan but support and hope too. There is probably a meeting soon near you!

WeekendWarrior

I bet you have clarity in a week, for that matter. I sure did. I was a weekend binge drinker. That first Sunday morning, waking up without a hangover/4 hours of sleep, was amazing. Going to work on Monday and even Tuesday, without feeling tired with a lingering hangover, was amazing. I want to feel like this always. Sounds like you will too once a new habit is made.

doggonecarl

Say goodbye to that person and make today day 1.

MLD51

I didn't like drunk me, either. Drunk me was irresponsible, selfish, and took stupid risks. I left my true self behind every time I drank. It got to the point that even when I didn't drink for a few days here and there, I was still drunk me. When I quit drinking, my real self started to emerge again. It has taken work, and I'm not there yet, but at least I'm not doing the things drunk me used to do.

What's your plan? Do you want to stop, once and for all?

August252015

I hated drunk me 99% of the time, even while I was still drinking!! The times I was a "good drunk" became way overshadowed by those where I was miserable (to myself, drinking alone) or stupid, mean or worse (when around others).

You do not have to be that person.

Decide not to drink, today. Go to an AA meeting. Take it just today, then repeat this plan tomorrow. You will begin to feel better physically if you don't drink (you don't mention how much you drink how often, but your detox process WILL happen if you don't keep adding alcohol to your body), and then emotionally. You CAN do this and have a good, sober life. Make a plan and stick with it- a better you is there for you if you stop drinking and work on your life.

Good luck.

bexxed

Thanks. I feel right now like this is one of the most honest things I have ever said. No I'm not gonna drink today, that's why I came here. I'm going to take a shower and go to work and be tired all day and at the end of it I'm gonna come home, walk the dog, and stay home and watch a movie before falling asleep tired and hopefully not prepping myself for denial tomorrow.

I've got today. I know the drill (sort of).

MrPL

As everyone is saying you do need to stop drinking as a first step,but the way that will work for you is something only you can tell, a lot of us are still trying to work that out so it will take time.

What I can say is that another important step is to try and be the real you again, the one you like. This will give you a lot of motivation that you will surely need going forward. The 30 days break would really help with that as a starting point.

Just go for it!

P

Dee74

Welcome back Bexxed

I didn't like drunk me either.
I didn't like my life, the thoughts I had or the things I did, the things I'd lost or the potential I never achieved.

My life now is unimaginably changed and I know the drinker I was would never have conceived this life.

So, for me not drinking had to be the first step.

My mind and thoughts were so long distorted by alcohol use (even when I was sober) that it took a little while for me to work out who the real me was and what I wanted.

Make today a day one and keep it going. There's no end of support here and other places.

I promise you'll find clarity - & like me you may even re-discover a you you forgot even existed

D

Dame

Hi bexxed. I know you 'cause I AM you - just 73 days down the sober road. I'm getting a little nicer, starting to forgive myself and scavenging around for the better parts of me that I left behind.
Seems like our personalities really change when we 'pick up.' Good new is that when we 'put down' unexpected changes really DO happen too, because change is the natural way of things.
Good plan: go to work, focus on that, come home, have a bit to eat and sleep. When you wake up read your post again and re-commit to your resolve. You can do this!

Nowsthetime

Me neither!!!!!!!

I was a crazy, horrible nut.

That's why I made the changes I made and I feel so much better now.

You can do it too!!!

Lean on us. We are here to support you!

bexxed

Everything is going according to plan, except I stopped at the store and bought those natural sugar free sodas. So, the dog is walked, work is over, clothes are changed, one can of ginger ale down, and food is cooking.

Much simpler than yesterday. I look forward to not cringing at myself in the morning. It's like I have this unfortunate friend, who doesn't shut up or understand social cues, and I'm stuck with her.

Thanks everyone. It's good to be back.

Nowsthetime

You are not stuck with anyone!!!

I know it's a cliche but today is the first day of the rest of your life and you can make it how you want it. We are here to support you and to let you know it CAN be done.

The rest of your life hasn't been written. I am so happy with the person I am now. Not proud of the person I used to be...

Delilah1

Great way to start the weekend Bexxed!!!

printemps

Some other incentives to stopping are, realizing all the $$ you will save. Also, now the news is that alcohol can cause cancer! Another reason to stop drinking forever! For me, visiting this site and learning about others struggles and successes is a great help, so thanks to all you very courageous people!

bexxed

Update: I joined the class of August, and today I'm 31 days without booze. I check in with that thread every day, even if I don't post much. I put together a plan of focusing on being grateful, and keeping it simple: committing to 24 hours every day. Remembering the day I posted this, how much I don't like who I am and what I become drinking. Ever so slowly, I'm coming out of that.

I was in so much pain when I posted this. I'm still not great, believe me, but following a different set of principles and remembering a very long ago "before", that that was me back then as much as this is me now, has been enormously helpful.

This site is a god send, as is all of the recovery programs people talk about.

I'm grateful to be sober, today.

B

SnazzyDresser

Way to go on 31 days, bexxed! SR is pretty cool, no 2 ways about it.

cwood3

bexxed, I'm at 30 days. Don't let me catch you........

PurpleKnight

Day 31 is fantastic Bexxed!! Keep it going!!