learntofly

Hi everyone! I've been sober for 9 1/2 months and have never been happier!

I've pretty much successfully avoided any situations where drinking would be the main event, but I can't get out of this one. I'm a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding and the bachelorette party is this weekend. It's literally going from bar to bar all night until they close.

I'm not worried about compromising my sobriety, because I know that I'm not going to drink. It's just uncomfortable because it's not my scene anymore. I'll be sober cab. But my question is how do you all handle these types of situations? I would absolutely normally just avoid going to these types of things, but I feel like that would be disrespectful to the bride.

Any advice for making it through this uncomfortable situation I find myself in? Thanks all! ☺

FreeOwl

I go into these situations with a plan...


What will I drink at every bar? Pellegrino. What if there's no Pellegrino - then sprite.

What will I say when offered a drink? "No, thanks.... I'm driving. I'm the DD for this party. Besides - I don't drink"

What will I say when that isn't accepted as an answer? "Look, I know this is a bachelorette party and I know you're having fun and want me to join you in drinking - but that's not me and I need you to respect that"

What will I say when that happens STILL? "I'm going to go now. Call me when you guys need a ride, I'll be standing by to get you home safely, right now I need to excuse myself for my own protection. It's really important to me. Have fun and I'll see you soon!!?

What will I do when I feel a craving, when I start feeling 'left out', when I am feeling temptation rise?

See last question - same answer.

What will I do if I catch myself entertaining drinking, fantasizing about it, thinking "well... maybe this once"? I will call my friend and gracefully, respectfully explain that I really cannot be a part of the drinking end of this thing. Could we go out to dinner first? Could I DD for you but NOT join you in the bars? Could I offer to host a bachelorette brunch in lieu of my attendance in the bar crawl? No offense and I love you dearly - but this is a matter of life or death for me. I hope you understand and I mean no disrespect.

I have successfully participated in things like this in sobriety.... but only through honest and thorough preparation... and at times, stubborn resolve.

It is not easy.

It is not advisable in early sobriety.

But, it's not impossible..... just be sure you are sure. Be sure your armor has no chinks. Be sure your blade of resolve is sharp and you are fully prepared to defend the honor of your sobriety at any cost.

This is ONE night in your friend's life... a night she will likely not remember parts of.... it is a special night, but in the end it is ONE NIGHT of a lifetime of friendship. If you have to bail to protect your life and be able to be fully present for her as a lifelong friend - then it will be well worth the sense of guilt for missing a drunken pub crawl.

Is your friendship really contingent on a pub crawl? Because if it is.... then maybe I'd be questioning the depth of the friendship.

MidnightRider

Good answer! Free Owl.

pocketpanda

FreeOwl has offered exceptional advice!

I'd add one thing. Since you already know you're not going to drink and you have a plan, try to relax and enjoy yourself. Enjoy the experience of being clear-headed and fully present during this amazing moment in your friend's life. Enjoy knowing the next day you'll wake up refreshed and remember everything. And try to treat yourself. Will there be any yummy food or desserts?

In any event, you've got this!

ALinNS

Designated Driver is what I do and it works, plus in bars here the DD gets free pop or juice..

Andrew

Berrybean

Well, as chief photographer in reckon you could be kept fairly busy, but also quite involved.

Don't be afraid to have to take a non-existent phone call or three as ways of getting some down-time at various points in the evening.

Trouble with being a drive for others is that you're stuck there for the duration. I try not to get in that position. Plus I explain to the person who matters (if anyone does) that i may not last the entire evening. That way if I do have enough of the drunken shenanigans then I can dissappear without any worries. Usually when I've decided enough is enough there have been others who decide the same actually, but we're too worried to say.

learntofly

Thank you all so much for the advice! I'm definitely going in with a plan, and if it gets too uncomfortable I'll just leave and come back to drive people home if they need me.

AdelineRose

I have found that it is easier to just be honest with the person, explain the situation, and if you do not feel you should go then don't go. If you can be honest with the bride then she should respect your decision as a recovering alcoholic to not participate in that type of event and if she doesn't, well that is too bad this is your life and your recovery and it is time to stand up for yourself and not worry about upsetting others.

IvanMike

Free Owl has some great advice.

That said, my gut level reaction is "don't go".

Giving it some thought, my logical conclusion is "don't go".

Being in that situation is like being a toddler playing in a busy intersection at night. - Except that the toddler is safer.

Dame

Ouch! This is a sticky situation. But it's also a bachelorette party. I don't know your friends' drinking habits or behaviors, but it IS a pub crawl.

I simply would not go. And normally I wouldn't say this. But not only are you going to be exposed to drinking/drunkenness ALL night, but as a driver you will also be at the center of a "storm" if it starts blowing out of control. Do you really want to be driving a car full of ladies who might be behaving irresponsibly in the car? Sorry, but I have to go with "stay away from that fuse."