sadsadgirl

Awww MrPL, that's cute-I do feel like a happy happy girl this morning! I'm excited for day eight now!

Dee74

that's great sadsad girl

D

sadsadgirl

Guys, I drank last night. There were post work drinks and I got myself bladdered. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. What is wrong with me? Why can't I do this? This is a relapse, I just want to stop. I was so drunk I couldn't talk. My mum came and picked me up from where I was. I feel so ashamed.

Berrybean

Well, you can't go back and change it. All you can do now is learn from what happened. What do you think you can do differently next time someone asks you along for post-work drinks? I don't know if you went as far as making a plan before. If you did, perhaps share it and ask for suggestions recommended what to add to it if you can't think of anything extra yourself. If you didn't make one please do so as a matter or urgency. And then stick to it. Because if nothing changes, then nothing will change. We can't implement change in your life - only you can do that.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-shiznit.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html

And please remember, beating yourself up really is a waste of energy at this point. Preserve that precious energy. You deserve sobriety, but no one can give it to you. It's an inside job that only YOU can work for. All that 'I don't deserve it ' bull is just your AV at work. You DO deserve it. Everyone deserves it. Maybe it's time to stand up and demand to have what you deserve (a happy sober life ). Demand it.... of yourself.

Maybe now would be a good time to get to some meetings. Xx

MrPL

You are not the first one to do this, we've all been there and it doesn't mean things can't change.

Sleep the hangover off, wake up tomorrow, build a plan and look forward. You can do it.

P

noneever

Get back on the horse. You can do this.

kgr103110

Your post is exactly what happened to me the night before last... I'd been trying to get sober and made it just under a week. Then a craving hit.

It was surreal because I spent hours thinking about drinking, but deep down I knew I was going to pick up the bottle. I just knew it. I still tried to put if off, but the little voice in my head said, "You know you're gonna do it! Why are you wasting precious drinking time? The later you start, the more likely you'll have a hangover!"

It's terrifying because your own thoughts and feelings become your worst enemies.

You're not alone, though... Don't be afraid.

sadsadgirl

Thanks guys, I'm just so angry with myself. At least I'm not drinking today. What was I thinking going along for drinks? I wasn't going to go initially and then just chose to go spare of the moment. My family are so worried about me because I get into such a state when I drink. I want soberiety so badly, but I'm unable to go for longer than a week.

Berrybean

So. What are you intending to DO to stay sober.

Most folk on here who manage to stay sober do so by taking action.
What are you willing to actually DO in order to stay sober?

sadsadgirl

I'm going to go back to AA and journal daily. I don't ever manage a few days of journalling but it helps me stay accountable and reflective of my feelings. I'm going to reread some of my sobriety books too.

wpainterw

SadGirl: So glad you're feeling better. Keep up the good work! Just a P.S. to my earlier post on this thread. If the cravings come back or trouble you remember that the docs have some non addictive RX's to lessen cravings. Check with the Doc.
Good luck. All the best.

Bill.

Berrybean

Do you have a sponsor Sadsadgirl? Just going to meetings isn't working the program. The steps are the program, along with the daily work that a sponsor would go through and explain to you. There arevthree sides to the triangle on the AA symbol. If we sit on a stool and we want the stool to be secure, we use all the legs. Try using all the parts of AA and you'll be amazed at the difference. This stuff really starts to work when we learn, and then apply what we learnt to all aspects of our lives. I spent 6 months going to meetings and waiting to kind of soak it up and a change to occur. Of course, that didn't work. Sure, it was nice meeting with others and having the routine of meetings to break things up and replace some meeting time. But I was unwilling to ask someone to sponsor me. And I was unwilling to engage in the 12-step program. Both things because I was scared of it. In the end I got desperate enough and DID engage with it. Got a sponsor. Took a service position. Read the literature. Prayed the step prayers that my sponsor showed me. Took inventory. Spoke to people. And that was when things started looking up. Like it says in How It Works. Half measures availed me nothing. Zippo. Zilch. Just extended the pain til I thought I was going to go nuts. It was all unnecessary pain. Please don't put yourself through too much of that. It really does work if you work it.

Take care.

BB

AnvilheadII

the current belief is that ON AVERAGE it takes 66 days for something to become a new learned habit. of course your mileage may vary! but there is second school of thought regarding how MANY TIMES one needs to repeat a new behavior before it becomes habit. for example, they say it takes 3,000 to 5,000 repetitions to burn memory into your muscles. and another that says it takes 10,000 hours of practice.

whether any of these stats are EXACTLY true is beside the point.....the message is if we WANT to create NEW habits, we have to put in the TIME on a regular ongoing basis. just getting started is not enough, we have to remain consistent. its no big mystery why the recommendation for newcomers is 90 meetings in 90 days.

Dee74

Many of us faltered a time or two. For me it was really hard to change my life - but I had to cos my life was all about drinking.

I learned the hard way I had no business being around after work drinks if I wanted to be sober.

Doesn't mean I had to become a shut in and do nothing but sit at home - but I had to be cleverer about the things I did for fun and the invites I accepted.

The only thing to do right now is pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again

D

sadsadgirl

Thanks for your replies guys, I feel incredibly anxious. This is the last day two for me, I can't handle any more of this. I'm going to go to a meeting today. I need some more focus on my sobriety and I need to get a new sponsor. I had one and it was going back great but she picked up and couldn't be my sponsor any more. I just feel at a loss and so alone. My family are so mad/worried about me. I've had several rock bottoms and I can't go back to where I was-I can't go back to that place. I feel so defeated at the moment. Can some of you let me know what made up your plans when you were new to sobriety?

Berrybean

I won't share my plan at the start of sobriety, because it wasn't healthy or happy. I will say that what worked for me was...

Hope that is some help. And good luck for the meetings.
X

sadsadgirl

Thanks Berry, I think that it's clear that AA had made a huge difference in your life. I think it's time I got that serious. I can do this!