Berrybean

Good plan.

Why not indulge in some speaker recordings as well. Sandy Beach and Earl Hightower are my favourites. 5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!

Keep posting and let us know how it's going x

sadsadgirl

Thanks for the link Berrybean. I might have a listen to one now. I don't know why you're being so kind to me, I don't deserve this.

Nonsensical

I used to ask myself that, too. Turns out I am not a masochist. Masochists want to hurt themselves. I didn't want to hurt myself. I wanted to be able to drink without bad consequences. But, I also wanted to drink so bad I was willing to risk bad consequences. That's called addiction.
I've had some version of that argument in my head a thousand times. At one point I thought I might be losing my mind because - well - who argues with themselves like that?

Then someone here pointed out that the argument in my head was between me and my addiction. I was telling it no, no, no and it was giving me another argument about why I should drink at least one more time. I didn't know how to shut it up except to get drunk. That would give me peace for a few hours at least.

Now I know another way to shut it up. One that lasts a lot longer than a few hours. One that doesn't come with bad consequences.

Starve it.

You can do this.

tomsteve

my sponsors 2nd wife had been to 7 detoxes and 5 rehabs.
she was 7years sober when she died.
what made recovery stick was complete, 100% surrender, then working the steps.

personally i cant say i ever really tried to get sober until i got sober. i had times i felt alcohol was a problem, stopped, but then thought i could control it, the the f-its hit.
then i crossed the line into full blown alcoholism- i had no choice, thought that was just going to be my existance,and just could not not drink or moderate nomatter how hard i tried.

ssg, you typed this
I still think that I've got a choice-that I choose to drank last night. That somehow the problem with alcohol isn't bigger than me, that I didn't need to reach out to my support network and say that I'm craving.


do you still believe that?

heres a couple parts of the bb

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.


When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or go permanently insane.


Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.


when the pain of getting drunk finally exceeded the pain of reality and i was given the gift of desperation, i walked into AA.
i put complete trust in the program and faith in the ones that went before me that IF i worked the program the problem with alcohol would be removed and life would take on new meaning.
it took time and footwork with lots of fighting the obsession to drink, but well worth every second of fight.

tomsteve

because she cares,is awesome, knows you can get and stay sober, and that you deserve it.

Berrybean

We all deserve help. And one day you'll pay it forward I reckon x

sadsadgirl

Thanks a lot guys, I'm really touched by your support. I hope that I can pay it forward one day-that's quite a big dream of mine.

I'm trying to do work but can't think straight. My head has been all over the place this last week. We're all facing redundancies and I can't remain focussed. But I feel like it's making it definite that I get made redundant by drinking. I don't know how I'm going to cope with the meeting with my boss tomorrow.

Elle126

Sadgirl, you've reached out which shows me you want to beat this. Trust me the ones who give up just disappear but ur still here battling and having the courage to change. You WILL do this and you can,
You just have to believe it.
Big hug for a fellow traveler.
Elle

sadsadgirl

Thanks a lot Elle. I'm just reading loads of posts on here. I'm petrified I'll lose my job. I'm really struggling with depression and have had a lot of time off with it recently, so I'm certain that I'll be prime redundancy fodder. I can't help panicking that by being useless today cos of the hangover my job is on the line-I've been really late delivering work recently and still one have what I said I'd have completed on Monday done. I love this job too. I'll keep you posted on how my meeting with the boss goes. I just think he's so disappointed in me at the moment.

Dee74

There are some good tips here
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html


I thought cravings were unbeatable too - mainly because I'd never really tried? I'd always applied alcohol liberally at the first signs of discomfort.

Take a look at Urge Surfing in the link above...it's all about sitting with those uncomfortable feelings and getting through them sober.

I think you'll be amazed at how capable you are and how small the discomfort actually is when you realise that it will pass, on its own, without you drinking

The fear and panic at the thought of being overwhelmed was much worse than the reality

D

sadsadgirl

Thanks a lot Dee, as ever you provide good reference material. I'm reading it on the train to work. Feeling very nervous about going to work. I can't believe I've put myself in this position again. Life is so much easier without drinking. All I'm concentrating on is making the most out of today and getting to bed sober. That's how I've beaten it before.

Berrybean

Hey SSG. I learned a new breathing thingy (technique??) Last week at a meditation retreat from a man called Korko Moses. Place your 2nd and 3rd fingers in between your eyes on lower forehead. Place thumb on right nostril and 4th finger on left nostril.
Hold right nostril while breath in slowly through left nostril.
Hold briefly.
Hold left nostril and release right one, and beathe out through right nostril.
Now breathe in right nostril . Hold briefly and then hold right nostril while breathe out of left. Breath in left. Hold. Breathe out through right. Breathe in right. Hold. Breathe out the left. Etc.

Alternate nostril breathing is very balancing and can calm our emotions and thoughts. It helps us access our creative side. I know this will help me when I return to work at the end of the summer holidays.

The other one I use to recover myself is, breathe in slowly 1-2-3-4 thinking "God in "and breathe out slowly 1-2-3-4 thinking "Fear out" (or anger, or whatever I need to move past).

Both really simple and only take less than a minute each, but they make a massive difference to my ability to cope in a rational and positive way with what life throws at me.

You can do this. Ask your HP to help you x

leighbond

First off you CAN do it. You just have to want bad enough, and you have to shift yourself out of self destructive thinking patterns. You also have to be okay with just having this empty feeling sometimes when you are trying to quit drinking. It is part of the healing process, just don't think about it. You will just end up rationalizing drinking again. Also, don't look at you drinking as a matter of one day at a time, or as it is happening, don't think about the consequences of drinking in relation to the next day. Like worst case you have a horrible hang over or can't work properly. While that is true that is hardly enough to deter you from giving in. You have to think farther ahead, you have to realize if you are an alcoholic and you don't make an effort to stop you will die from it, it’s a disease that gets progressively worse until it kills you. You will lose your job, you will lose and or tear apart whatever family you have left. It takes everything and it gives you what? A buzz? You really have to think about what you are actually getting from Alcohol. It’s a lot easier to stop drinking when you realize that the cons pale in comparison to any pros that you can name. And the pros are only erroneous and flawed constructs of a poisoned brain. I know I have made many of my own in the past and they don’t hold up when you are sober. Once you accept there is no moderation and choose to live then it’s time to start healing and you can do it with a god or no god you just need to WANT it bad enough. That’s what I have noticed in this last week of sobriety. After I analyzed WHY I would get and subsequently give into cravings beforehand I then fashioned a plan so I could combat it when they came again. And tonight is only my seventh day after my last relapse, but I went for a walk tonight. And I walked past a Hennessey billboard, two liquor stores, three gas stations, a bar, and a guy on the corner with a twelve pack or Heineken’s under his foot. I thought about drinking, I wanted to really badly, I let myself have the urge, you can’t NOT have it lol but you can move past it. And I didn’t let myself give in, and once I committed to moving past it and not thinking about it the feeling went away in ten or fifteen minutes. And now I can actually have a peaceful sleep, and a productive day tomorrow. It’s about moving away from the instant gratification we have all invariably taught ourselves as addicts. Because, we have wired our brains to thinking that is okay for so long until it isn’t an option anymore and we have to change. And it jarring, but you can do it. So, don’t give up

sadsadgirl

Guys I did it! Just getting into bed sober! It feels fabulous! Work went really well, I worked my backside off, got loads achieved and then went for a few drinks (decaf coffees) with a couple of my closest friends. They are the only ones who know the extent of my alcoholism and I feel completely safe with them. Was just so nice to get out the house and chat nonsense. Although I did tell them about my relapse and they're going to do things with me when I know my danger times are. I can't tell you how lovely it is going to bed sober.

sadsadgirl

Thanks leighbond and berrybean, I've reread your posts several times over today. Feeling inspired and relieved. I've not been able to eat anything today, my stomach has been in knots with anxiety. Proper meals is tomorrow's task. 3 square meals and sober.

Berrybean

Yes. VERY important to eat. It's one of the ways we take responsibility for our sobriety. Remember all those HALT triggers. Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired. All to be avoided at all costs. They will weaken our respolve and make us far more susceptible to cravings.

wpainterw

1. Keep posting. We are here to help you 24/7.
2. Seek medical help. Be completely truthful. They will help you and will not be judgmental.
3. Seek help and companionship from other alcoholics. Try AA. Give it a good honest try. Try several different meetings to find a comfortable one. If AA doesn't work try Smart Recovery, if there is a meeting available.
4. Hang in there. The road at first is fairly steep and slippery but it gets much better as you go along.
5. Look on it as not "giving up" alcohol but as finally getting free of its chemical slavery. Getting back the real "you".
6. Good luck and all the best.

Bill.

sadsadgirl

Thanks for the support Berry and painter! Onto day 4 now. Had a really fun day-I saw a bunch of friends to watch the olympics and feeling inspired I went to the gym. I'm really not as fit as I used to be. I'm really shocked at how weak my body has become over the last year. In the past I had extended periods of inactivity because of my studies but when I can back to sport my base line fitness was good. Now it's much lower-this last year has really affected it. I'm pretty shocked. I need to quit smoking again, soon, as I tend to smoke when I drink so have fallen back into the habit again. But it makes me feel so dirty and unclean.

sadsadgirl

Day seven complete. I was worried about today as I've drunk the last few weeks on a Wednesday. I made plans with my best friend and we went to the cinema, she knows about my drinking so she organised it specially to help me get over this first week. I'm feeling much better-this place has been a rock this last week. I can't thank you all enough

MrPL

This is great! Don't worry, your fitness will come back, just takes a bit longer than the rest.

Day 7 is awesome. Soon you'll need to change your name to happyhappygirl.

P