Katzen

I'm 48 years old and was a social drinker since my early 20s but have recently realized I am now physically addicted.

My husband and I used to go through a 750 ml bottle of vodka or bourbon together over the weekends, did this for about 10 years.

Then we moved and the nearest grocery store if you buy 4 bottles you get 30% off, so I started buying 4 bottles at a time to save money, it'd last a month at first.

Then I started experiencing extreme pain due to endometriosis, and I had started drinking more and more every night because it would help me sleep.

This past year I now realize I am physically addicted... I wake up and need a couple drinks just to stop my hands from shaking. I now drink about 375 ml of vodka a day, I physically feel like I need a drink every few hours or I'll shake badly and feel insanely anxious.

I really want to quit completely, but have read horror stories about people hallucinating if they quit cold turkey, I have been able to abstain for about 15 hours but then I already feel like I need medical help, shaking hands, very anxious.

We live in a very rural area, nearest hospitals are an hour away, so I'm terrified of bad side effects from abstaining and end up having a couple swigs just to feel "normal" and capable of making it through the day.

Also nearest AA locations are over an hour away, I never want to drive drunk so I don't drive for at least 6 hours after having a couple drinks, so I time my grocery shopping for later in the day.


I won't quit cold turkey but am desperately trying to cut back a bit daily.
I'm hoping to get support through these forums, reading other people's success stories is motivating me that I can continue to cut back and can finally get sober and stop this addiction.

Dee74

Hi Katzen - welcome

if you're worried at all about withdrawal the very best thing to do is see a Dr first. There's really nothing better than that.

It's worth that hours drive I think?

D

Katzen

I won't be visiting a doctor anytime soon, a few months ago I ended up in the ER due to very low iron levels (due to endometriosis) and the blood transfusion ended up being over $17,000... Going to be paying that off for a while. (Though my blood work didn't show any problems with my liver... Yet, thankfully.) I'm somewhat confident I can continue to cut back and beat this without medical help just too fearful of withdrawal symptoms to go cold turkey.

Dame

I know we aren't supposed to give medical advice. This was ONLY my experience. I drank a bottle of wine + every night for 2 and a half years. Then I went on an uncharacteristic 3 day bender of Vodka. I had never been black out before, but I hit it hard (WAY more than 375 ml) and remember nothing Next day I decided to quit cold turkey. 3 days later had a seizure. Fortunately we were already at the ER. That morning I was seeing "auras" red and blue flashing lights, was disoriented and very weak. BUT I have had to admit to myself that I was also taking a lot of Ativan (benzos) and the risk of seizure is far higher with those than alcohol. Combine the two and double-trouble. I couldn't find my Ativan during my cold turkey. I was later told that it was the combination of halting BOTH that caused my seizure. I think if I'd not been taking the Ativan it wouldn't have happened, or if I HAD the Ativan I could have detoxed safely. There is also the tapering method. It sounds like you are doing that. A Neurologist I saw last week told me that while he was a young med student in Alabama, he did time in a detox clinic where they kept a huge jug of whiskey on hand and dosed the patients every few hours, with quite the success. And there is much info. on the web about safe tapering. I was too stubborn to do that.
I'm not trying to frighten you. But is there any possibility you and your spouse could stay in a low-cost motel for 3 or 4 days during your detox? This way you could be near a hospital if the need arises.
Congrats on your efforts and stay safe, katzen.

least

I can't emphasize enough the importance of getting your doctor's help to detox. Meds can be given to lessen chances of seizures and reduce anxiety. Acute withdrawal is only a week or less in duration, so you know you'll be feeling better after a week or so. And remember, if you never drink again, you'll never have to go thru this again.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your ER experience.

I realise you're in the country but there are a lot of free or low cost clinics around - if there's one in your local area you might get some medical advice there?

Free/Low-Cost/Sliding Scale Clinics | NeedyMeds
Call 2-1-1

Health is very important.

By our rules we cannot give medical advice. We simply can't give you advice on tapering.

Dee
Moderator
SR

sleepie

I have endo as well and alcohol is really bad hormonally causing excess estrogen- which anyone with endometriosis already has! Drinking will make it worse.

Find a way to get a medically supervised detox, it's the only way.

Katzen

I'm thinking/hoping I can safely taper off without bad withdrawals. For the past several months I was consuming about 375 ml 80 proof vodka total a day, needing to drink about 3 times a day to keep the shakes away. Today I've managed to keep the shakes away with a couple drinks this morning and a couple this evening, only consumed about 250 ml of 60 proof flavored vodka, and I feel fine. I've read a lot of stories about people quitting cold turkey with no withdrawals, but also the horror stories from others (many who mentioned they drank much more.) I appreciate everyone's advice, and do understand you can't give actual medical advice, but because of past medical bills and just buying a new house cannot take on more medical bills right now so will continue trying to safely taper off. I do feel perfectly normal right now and have no physical craving for more tonight so I think it's working.

uncorked

Hi Katzan, please arm yourself with information if you do this without medical assistance. Do you have a regular dr you could contact? Tell him/her what you're doing and ask them to prescribe you a short order of medication to cut the anxiety. Or go to a low cost clinic. When I went to rehab, they used librium -- I think that one's pretty common in detox and there is a generic so it's really inexpensive. That's really all I got, medically (other than monitoring) and I was drinking 1-1.5 bottles of wine a night. I really didn't experience any withdrawal symptoms other than peeing a lot and sweating some. They also gave me a vitamin B complex. You can do this!!

PrinzessinD

This isn't really medical advice but I kept a journal of how much I drank and cut it in half every day until it was nothing. I quit cold turkey once and hallucinated and had a seizure, it doesn't happen to everyone but it scared the crap out of me. Try and keep a journal of the number of drinks you have and cut it in half or down every day. It worked for me. I hope that helps.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Katzen!!

Zebra1275

Yep, it sounds like you are physically addicted.

Me too. I first noticed it in my late 40's, like you.

It's a permanent condition, but the good news is, it's not a permanent problem. All you need to do is not drink. For that, you are going to need a program of recovery, and that's going to take some lifestyle changes.

But your current problem is, how do you get through a 24 hour period without caving in to drinking when you have anxiety and the shakes?

I strongly recommend getting medical help, and it doesn't need to be expensive (depending on your insurance situation). What I did a couple of times in the past (I'm a bit of a slow learner apparently) is go to an immediate care medical facility, (around here they are called Prompt Care) and explain that I was trying to withdraw from alcohol. They checked me over and took my vitals, and gave me a 10 day prescription for valium to get me through the anxiety and shakes. I was in and out in a couple of hours. The valium made a world of difference, and both times I did it I was able to quit drinking.

Notice I said "both times." The first time I didn't have much of a sobriety plan in place and ended up drinking again in a few months.

PennyLane76

Katzen, can you visit a dr please? Not necessarily the ER. It can be very dangerous to cold turkey as others have mentioned

Anna

I agree with the advice to see your dr. It's worth the cost and driving distance. Withdrawals from alcohol are unpredictable and can be dangerous. And, honestly, cutting back doesn't work for alcoholics. Most of us here have tried it, multiple times, and we end up back where we started or worse.

tomsteve

i would rather be sober,safe, alive, and a big medical bill than die from alcoholism.
in fact, im well over $50k in medical debt through a fight with cancer. insurance doesnt cover everything, but im alive.
id ratner that than let cancer kill me.

Forward12

Are you in the US? Health coverage is now covered for everyone.

Dame

I'm sorry but this is not true. Under the ACA you have the option of buying into one of many healthcare plans, But the premiums and deductibles are still too high for MANY people. And if you opt-out, you are forced to pay a fine. Health care for Americans is worse than it was before.

Mountainmanbob

I'm not sure where the information is but one can wean themself off of alcohol possible you could get some doctor's advice on the phone definitely sounds like you're serious that's a good thing good luck Bob

Mountainmanbob

That's true. It seems to only work best for the one's that have nothing at all. Many insurance companies are now bailing out of Obama Mama Care.
M-Bob

Forward12

This is political nonsense. The ACA gave me access to doctors I previously wasn't able to go to, not paying $50 or more for medication I needed, and much more,..