Delizadee

I tried for 5 days to get into 2 different facilities and they are way over capacity. I know I can't do this on my own but the meetings are helping and my team is incredibly supportive and my doctor and I talked at length about home detox and meds to help and her times on call in the local er if I need extra support and intervention. I am picking up my librium tomorrow and have committed to my Dr and now to you guys tomorrow is quit day.
I'm finally. Finally feeling like I can get this.

Dee74

I'm sorry about the bureaucracy but I'm so glad you're still committed Del

D

least

Make this your last day one and start the rest of your life on a sober and positive note.

MidnightRider

Sounds like you are committed !

Best to you tomorrow and beyond.

Anna

I'm glad you're not giving up.

emme99

Wishing you the best Delizadee

Dame

It sounds like everything is in place, and your team is on top of things. I don't know what an "in house" detox is like. But I know what it's like in the ICU where you are forbidden to leave your bed for 4 days, must pee in a pan, hooked up to 4 or 5 machines, interrupted every 4 hours (no sleep), not allowed anything but liquids for days........................ If that's what you're missing....WOW! I should have done it at home. You will be just fine and in the wonderful, safe-feeling comfort of your home. Plus you can talk to us and update us whenever you like. Excellent all round.
You WILL be successful, I'm sure of it

Leezer

Good luck to you. You never have to have another day 1 again. I myself, just can't have another! Keep strong. You want this!!

Delizadee

It was almost a month ago today that I tried to kill myself. Like trach talking about experience and not things it was but for the grace of God I was truly ready to die. I'm so lucky to be alive. I'm tired of wasting it and ready to take the steps I need.
Hard stuff but no one's going to do it for us.

Delizadee

I don't know Dame!! I've detoxed in probably most ways imaginable. I can't keep frikken lying to myself and what least says among Dees wise words always sticks with me the most... make this your last day one and want to be sober more than you want to drink... I've been sober enough times and enough long times to know it's not an easy option to choose.. being sober. I know I probably may not ever hit a happy level in my life bow from the work I've done and stuff I've figured out. But I am willing to set some chips one table to trade in for the drunk unhappy wreck I am to work towards sober, stable and once I get to ok I can shoot for higher.
I'm very black and white. It's all or nothing. Do or die. I am trying my effing damndest at this living thing.

Soberwolf

Happy for you

SansaS

Good luck Dee X

Arpeggioh

I'm glad you're not giving up; I'm still on the fence. The two paraphrases from posts here that are currently rattling around in my sick head: Dee said something about wanting to keep drinking without suffering the consequences. That's exactly where I'm at. And someone else recently posted something like, every relapse gets harder to come back from, until people finally give up, and then they die. That's also where I'm at. The consequence of continuing to drink is early and painful death. I guess I'm still angry that I can't have my life and drink it too! Like a 55 year old infant, wailing and throwing a temper tantrum...I guess if we could drink like we wanted to, without anything bad happening, there would be no need for this incredibly supportive website...I come here every day to remind myself that the consequences are dire, the stakes very high and very real, and that many others have succeeded who felt just as hopeless as I do right now.

August252015

Good luck! Sounds like you have a solid medical plan to get started. What is your plan and program for staying sober once you detox? That's the really big part.

tokidoki

You can do this Delizadee!!

We're all here cheering you on.

Hawkeye13

Rooting for you Del

Bunny211

We are here for you!!! Wishing you success! You can do this. I believe in you!

Zebra1275

Many detox facilities utilize a 12 step program like AA. They also have a medical component to make sure that people detox safely.

You already have a Dr. working with you. Start going to AA and stick around this website as much as possible and I think you will have a lot of what a detox program would offer.

Delizadee

Aa whenever I can, and I've got my work book with my old plan, going back to finishing step 4 and tweaking my entire plan. Going to do a full psych evaluation next week and gl working with my addiction counselor and look into outpatient day programming or possibly inpatient. Cards are all on the table and I can see all my great supports now.
I sure decided to go out with a bang last night... I was semi responsible lol... I cabbed it home
I won a ton of money at the casino and I'm heading there to get my vehicle in a bit and going to ban myself feeling a ton of positive today.
Thanks for all the love and encouragement
My counselor talks about the stages of change which I like. Knowing where you are at on the continuum will help get you where you want to be my friend
Baby steps and be realistic about what you can do today. If you aren't ready to make the commitment start from where you are and make a harm reduction plan. Be your own cheer leader along the way. Getting tone I QUIT part takes time and courage but bolstering yourself with those positive little baby steps can help get you there.
I had to go way way out of my comfort zone and landed in a meeting with only men. So.glad.I went! I'm never going to stop trying. I've jumped.so many hurdles already. I can do this

MLD51

I believe that you can, indeed, do it. It sounds like you have a good support team. The fact that you came back from a place where you wanted to die... I was there, too. If I ever need a reminder of why sobriety is better, I think of those days when I couldn't function, just lying in bed wishing I'd go to sleep and never wake up. I don't ever want to feel that way again. Life has value. You may not be able to envision a happy life right now, but it WILL GET BETTER. Maybe slowly, but it will. Keep doing the work. It will pay off. I'm not a super cheerful, happy person, but I'm becoming content with life as it is. That's all I really wanted anyway. Some days I actually feel real joy - that's huge for me. Keep going to AA and working those steps. Once you get some sober time, and do some good hard work, those promises really will start to come true. Promise.