Where is that girl? The one who felt normal in rehab?
 

She didn't have to think, she just did what had to be done without any obsessive thinking. She felt free, light and at peace. She concentrated only on getting better, never letting any thoughts betray her goals. She felt normal. Normal for the first time in eons.

Where did she go? It has been 40 days with no alcohol but the last 10 have not been the new normal. There has been no follow through on distorted thinking, but I want that girl back. She gave recovery 100%. I feel like I am giving 50%. I feel like I am failing without even taking a sip.

Maybe things will be different when I go back to work and there will be less time obsessing. Maybe then I will create a new normal where real life and recovery reside harmoniously together.

Hi earthsteps, they say that rehab gets you sober but AA keeps you sober. Have you tried this, I find it works for me. Elle

Yes, I am in AA and attending meetings every day. I am close to asking a woman to be my sponsor. I am also reading heavily on Smart Recovery.

That girl is stil there... I'm confident you can do this... Yes get that girl back... What might be holding you back on that?

Anxiety I think. I get distracted easily (I am 100% grain fed ADHD) and then get overwhelmed and anxious when things get out of control.

Did rehab teach you any strategies for dealing with your anxiety? Do you see your regular doctor for your anxiety as well?

What are you doing for your ADHD? I have it, too, and it definitely provides challenges. I found that dealing with my ADHD was the same thing as working on recovery. I make a lot of lists. :)

Any chance you can get some counseling for your anxiety? What gets out of control...?.... Is it your adhd maybe?

They weren't big on dual diagnosis there (except for piling your pillbox with anything you can think of). So we didn't have any lessons or groups on managing stress or anxiety, dealing with depression, or what feelings to expect once you go home. I think I might write a letter to them suggesting they have some kind of focus on mental health. So many of the people I interacted with dealt with some kind of mental issues.

I truly believe that real life and recovery can reside harmoniously for you... Try to stay positives and don't let your unknowns become doubts.

I am floundering on this since I let my Adderall go! Med wise I am on Strattera (non-controlled, non-stimulant med to treat ADHD. Been on it for two weeks - it takes 4 weeks to show any kind of effect. I will let you know if it works.

I am staying home for one more week and then go back to work on the 15th. I am a computer programmer by trade, so I treat my daily life like I am writing an application. I write out lists upon lists upon lists. Then compile them to one master list. Then I cross everything off until I am left with a few tasks which I then transfer to tomorrow's list. It helps.

I also meditate. That really helps. I get up at 430 and sit outside with the frogs and geckos. Their chirps are like a white noise that helps to calm me.

Some great advice here Bug - I don't know if you feel the same way but I believe some of us have other issues beside alcoholism; issues that nevertheless need attention because they feel into our alcoholism.

Don;t be too hard on yourself either.

You're here and you're working hard to remain sober.

That's the most anyone can ever ask of you, and sometimes, some days it's the most we can ask of ourselves.

Stay with it - you're doing great :)

D

I understand your feelings and thoughts. When I got out of rehab I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Going back to work was very good for me. Not to forget working a solid recovery program mixed with working a full time job will keep one
busy. An idle mind is the devils workshop.

It will all come together
if
we keep doing the right things,
M-Bob

I had a therapist, but I stopped seeing her because she didn't fully understand addiction. She was a healthnut. In fact when I brought addiction up she would steer me away with talks of long walks and getting more fiber in my diet. Like fiber is going to keep me sober! I am no fiber loving hippie.

I am currently looking for an addiction counselor who has experience with dual diagnosis. It is hard to find one and one in my price range (seems none of them take insurance).

I have an appt with my new psych on the 20th. I discontinued sessions with last one because it was just too easy for me to get Klonopin (my DOC). I would tell her no in her office, don't ever give me benzos again, then call two days later for a refill. I had good intentions to quit but then I would cave and she would give in.

Med wise I am on Buspar for anxiety.

I understand what you are saying. I am 86 days sober and have hit a wall. Everything feels so futile and boring. I try to stay active, play golf, read a lot and visit friends. And through it all I just feel bored. Especially with people. I knew this was going to be hard so no surprises there. If it was easy everyone would stop drinking. The only thing that is good is work. Never to go to work with a hangover.

Thank you Tea. I am usually upbeat and positive but today I was feeling melancholy. I need to harness any positivity I can muster today and let it carry me through. I hate being a downer on the board.

My mind is always jumbled up with random thoughts shooting in and out of my neuron pathways - the devil will find it mighty hard to get to his workshop!

You are very wise, M-Bob. I always love to read your replies because you always offer the practical viewpoint.

I had a hard time staying at home with my kids when they were younger. That is when I started drinking. These two weeks at home reminds me too much of those days. I am just not good at the SAHM thing. AND that depresses me. It will be so much better when I go back to work. Focus and drive will come back.

No hangovers for us! Way to go on 86 days! You are really rocking sobriety! What is your secret to staying on track?

Oh I know Dee. I have many issues to work on - the ADHD, anxiety, depression. All of those issues lead to procrastination, lack of motivation, and disorganization. And all that results in lower self esteem. My bucket is full of neurosis!

But I am a workaholic who loves her job. Things will get so much better when I go back. I only have one more week of staying home.

Important Note. I love and adore my kids. They are not the reason for me not liking the stay at home life. I just feel like a more rounded and fulfilled person if I work and take care of my family.

My doc wanted me on Adderall, but I took a pass (with the option to give it a try if things weren't working out). I figured had already survived 48 years without it and didn't want to be on another med. (Taking daily for blood pressure.) Tried some OTC supplements, but didn't really notice a difference. Coffee and tea help a little. Never tried Strattera, though.

Lists and meditation - I hear ya. Even just taking 5 or 10 minutes during the day to remove all stimuli, shut my eyes, breathe, and think about what needs to get done in the next few hours helps my productivity. I work on the computer most of the day, and distractions are just a click away. Gotta stay focused!