Anxiety and a slip. Heads held high.
 

I slipped, had 7 beers on Saturday night with some friends after 21 days. Much better than my usual binge, and headed home when they headed to the next bar, but I give myself no pat on the back. Somewhere in my mind I believed I could just have a couple, but this group of friends go hard, so I have told them since that I will need some time to work on myself, and will be out of touch for the time being. They understand. I know where I left off and am taking additional steps to make sure there is no more room for a slip.

My problem is my anxiety, which basically revolves around health concern, and even more specifically my heart. Little background information: I am 25, healthy weight, eat mostly organic and little to no red meat, exercise often, smoke free for four years, and basically outside of my binges I try to live as healthy a lifestyle as I can afford. I have had 9 ekgs, two echo-cardiograms, and a stress test a little over a year ago, (all of which came back superb) and somehow still obsess over thoughts of having a heart attack or heart failure. Ridiculous, I know, but that's my case. It all stems from my drinking, thinking I have done irreversible damage due to my heavy binges(generally once a weekend, strictly beer, but to a block-out state most of the time.) I know I can't drink, with or without the anxiety because I can't just have one(or tell myself what's the point of having one?!) So it's a no no. Not sure what I am trying to get as a response, somewhat needed to vent I guess.

So it is day 2, I went for a run, and am putting together my plan. Day by day, I can and will do this. I lost 110 lbs, I quit smoking, I can do this too! (not bragging, giving myself textual reassurance.) I have a meeting tomorrow with a therapist to begin practicing CBT for my anxiety, and will attend some AA meetings in my area. I will also check in here often.

Thank you for reading, and bless all of you.

:thanks :grouphug:

It's ironic that many of us start drinking to deal with anxiety, only to find that drinking makes the anxiety so much worse. I'm glad you're working on a plan because that's important, and I think it's good that you are distancing yourself from your friends temporarily.

Hopefully the therapist will help you with the anxiety issues.

Eko,

You are so young...you bounce right back.

It is a blessing and a curse.

When i quit my hangovers lasted days.

It was a good reason.

It took me nearly 90 days to really feel the damage i had done to my brain.

I quit in my 20.s too. For 8 months. It was so easy...and so easy to start drinking again.

So..i drank like a fish for 20 more years.

I used to joke sobriety is for people that can't handle their liquor. Turns out the joke was on me....

Thank you for your responses! It means alot.

Anna, I could not word it better myself. I convinced myself over the last few years that it somehow helped my anxiety, but it increased it 10 fold. I can NOT moderate and I realize that, so it's a simple choice. Don't have that first drink.

D122y, I can relate with the hangover lasting days, but that started recently. On top of that, my anxiety is fueled 10x over. I have never benefited from drinking, it has been a lie all this time. It's time to realize if the drinking continues it will only lead down one path, and that ultimately is death. So I would rather deal with my anxiety, and other issues, with a sober and clear mind.

Ekohe

Please remember this for the next time :) Sometimes there is no going back... I wouldn't want that for you :grouphug:

If ya hang around a barbershop sooner or later you'll get a haircut. For me a change of venues was in order - Bars / taverns et al were eliminated for a very long time. Still highly infrequent other than a sport bar to watch a game and get some apps.......

Seeking help as you mentioned is great idea~!

Welcome back Ekohe :)
D

It's impossible to talk someone down from anxiety-inducing or hypochondriacal thinking. Therapy is the right move.

You can do this Ekohe!! :)

Sent you a PM

Day 4, cravings have been minimal. Still somewhat anxious but I am holding steady. Had to cancel plans for Cirque du soliel tonight due to anxiety, will go for a long walk instead. The session with the therapist was intense but good. I see my future getting a lot brighter from here on out, there are so many things I still want to do and see in my life, all of which are not possible with the anxiety and the drink. Day by day.

Thanks for being there, everyone.
:You_Rock_

good for you on day 4 and making choices to not push yourself too far.

also, don't forget how the MATH worked out on Saturday night....your addict voice said you could SURELY have a couple and be ok......except that "couple aka 2" turned into seven. so yeah, you "could" have a couple, but then a couple more and a couple more after that.....etc etc.

i believe you will find the longer you stay with a ZERO drink count, the better you will feel. :)

Welcome back, glad you didn't continue drinking after Saturday. I suffer from anxiety too, and Anna's words are so true, drinking made my anxiety even worse.

I am 45 and have seven months and ten days sober. I wish I had stopped in my 20s. You are very smart to do so!!

Best of luck to you. Anxiety is absolutely miserable. It's very difficult to explain it to anyone.