Smilax

I now find myself drinking every day instead of many days a week. At least a bottle of wine and a tall beer a night, sometimes more. Tonight I had a bottle of wine, about 3 beers and 3 Ativan. No I am not proud of mixing those or drinking, just the facts. And I have to be up for work at 9:00am tomorrow. Sad thing is I've learned that I can do this from past experience. I know that tomorrow I will be groggy at work, but I do my job well and know that I will get through the day with a lot of anxiety towards the end but may even have a good day technically, then at the end I'll have to drink again. What worries me is I have the next 2 days off after this :-(

Belier

Hi Smilax, Sounds like it might be time to really take this bull by the horns and make a turn around. It really is worth it. Tough, yes the first week but really worth it both in reduced anxiety, weight loss, no hangovers. Put a line in the sand, you are worth it and if I could do it, you can. Hugs to you.

Dee74

What are you going to do about it Smilax - what action are you gonna take not to drink?

D

Soberwolf

^^^

When your ready ask about the building a recovery plan link we have your back & want to help you wont be doing this alone

D122y

Smilax,

You are an addict. Like me. You physically and mentally need the booze to feel normal. I got through the physical. But, the mental calls to me sometimes.

We have all been there. The physical and mental is double tough.

We can't make you quit, but we will be here when you are ready. It might take a dui, domestic issue, health scare etc. It seems to take something very big to shake us into quitting...unless we get thrown in jail. It was a health scare for me.

My car pool buddy is a drunk just like you. I haven't tried to help him, because he has not reached out. When he does, I will be there for him.

SR is ready when you are.

JD

Hi smilax. I was a lot like you. Go to work, come home and drink more than I wanted. Then get up in the morning feeling like crap and go to work. Did that every day. I got by and had a successful career. But I hated my job, hated my life and never really enjoyed anything. I'm a few days short of 11 months sober and my life is 180° different. I'm a whole new person. I like who I am and what I do now.

I found SR about a month into sobriety and it's made all the difference in the world. You can do this too. We're all here to support you and you can lean on us. Stop drinking for one day. Work on a plan to keep you sober. Each day don't drink and work that plan. It's simple. But I know it's not always easy.

Nonsensical

Why? What will happen if you don't?

PurpleKnight

The thing is though I never missed a day off work, but was I really working to my potential? you say you do your job "well", well about doing your job "exceedingly well", pull out all the stops with a clear head and see how far your potential goes and what doors that may start to open.

Alcohol for me put a limit on my potential, a ceiling, of course it did because every morning I was "groggy" and I made decisions in that mind frame, but I didn't realise it until I pushed alcohol to the side.

You can turn this around, the fear of days off was also one I used to have, get a plan together, draw a line in the sand and say no more, you can do this!!

August252015

I promise you will be amazed at how you feel on the "other side" once you are sober. Work, sleep, life, relationships, EVERYTHING is better. Even when it's crummy some days, it is so much better. You will be better at all that you do.

Just today. Just do not drink today. Then start on a plan- that can be as simple as going to an AA meeting. Keep yourself busy - whatever you can do.

Just today.

Leezer

I really can't add much to what great advice has already been said except, you have to start at the start. There has to be a day 1. Why not today?

I also did "well" at my job, but it was the only thing I did "well" at.....and it has definitely been easier (and I've done even better as purpleknight said), sober.

thomas11

I'd work 50 hr weeks with no breaks every day just because I knew when I got home I'd find relief in the bottle. Its a bad pattern to fall into man. Break the cycle and get yourself out of alcohol jail.

Kaily

I was like you for many years, now I keep letting everyone down, don't clean my house, don't water my garden, don't walk my poor dogs as much as I should the list goes on and on and on..
My point is it gets so much worse so please try and stop while hopefully it is still possible.

Delilah1

Hello,

Since you are here and posting there is a part of you that wants to stop. I know how difficult the first few days are, we have all dealt with them, some of us, like me, more than once. Tonight try to make a plan to do something/anything else besides drinking.

I have just over seven months sobriety, and mentally and physically I feel better than I have in my adult life.

You can do this. Start by making a plan for tonight.

AdelineRose

It sounds like it is time to switch things up, obviously whatever you are doing now to find sobriety and recovery is not working..so it is time to take a step back and make a new recovery plan and implement new techniques and tools to get sober. Nothing changes if nothing changes- from your post it doesn't sound like you were sober before this- just drinking less. Moderation ALWAYS ends with binges or regression at least- maybe it is time to consider rehab? Give yourself time to reset and really get going on getting your life back.

It might seem daunting, but recovery is worth every ounce of effort- you can not put a price on your LIFE.

MidnightRider

Well... You need to WANT to quit more than drink. Seems you don't want to quit. If you did.... You'd stop playing the tape forward and stating that you will be drinking after work tomorrow.

Why not say... I wont drink after work. I will go on a long walk. Bake cookies, go to the movies, play piano... Go to a meeting.

You have 2 days off coming up? My advice... see your doctor tomorrow ... Maybe spend your 2 days off detoxing.... maybe Stay in bed for the 2 days!

I will tell you .. It aint easy ... But it will be so much better if you quit the roller coaster you are on!

City

It feels so much better to go back to work fresh as a daisy. Try to start over agin and keep busy during the early sober days. Yes we regress but we move forward. What is done is done. Just look forward! Higs

hpdw

Smilax I was taught to add the word yet when I said I don't do this or have never done that .There is so much collective help and wisdom in this thread .

sobersolstice

I haven't posted here because I was embarrassed about my lack of willpower to stop drinking on the summer solstice (hence my handle).

The first time I tried to abstain from alcohol was the easiest. Then, after 6 months, I made the mistake of calling everyone close to me at a new years eve party asking if I should have a beer. After that, the downward spiral began again.

I hung out drinking with a friend last night watching the olympics, but was messy enough that I didn't even talk to my friend. I used to get an uplifting feeling when I was drinking, but now I just get tired, forget to eat, fall asleep on the couch and am tired everyday.

I grew apathetic, and this is the main reason I keep relapsing. Basically, I stopped loving myself, and hence did not know how to give to and love others. This mental state makes it very easy to fall back into the trap. I've been spending most of my weekends in a dark and messy room in bed basically wasting my life away.

Most of my friends no longer contact me, and my alcoholic parents keep telling me I'm fine. I'm not fine. I now take care of my parents financially, and they are in their late 70's, totally broke. I'm barely able to take care of them, and at this point, know for a fact that I need to change. I need to learn to love myself enough and have respect for myself to make positive changes in my life so that I can regain the respect of my friends and people I encounter. I have become reclusive, and rarely get out to do the things I love.

I have two left over beers from a six pack I bought yesterday and they are calling me. My craving start about this time of day. I need to dump them out. I'm back in bed writing this while listening to the last leg of a triathalon that rolls down my street. I'm going to get up, go to the mirror, and say "get it together loser", and re-start my life. Doing a triathalon is part of my bucket list, but will never happen if I continue down this road.

I've finally realized that I don't like who I am when I'm drinking, and despise myself each morning. The hardest part will be to break the habit. I don't need to choose a day. I just need to make a decision without excuses. This evening is about me, my health, and my future.

blueberry2015

Alcoholism is a progressive illness, your story sounds very familiar to how I progressed and it once it happened it happened FAST.... Maybe it is time to think about quitting?

Zebra1275

Sad thing is I've learned that I can do this from past experience. I know that tomorrow I will be groggy at work, but I do my job well

Maybe that will be true tomorrow.

But it won't be true everyday in the future. The amount of alcohol it takes to "get where you wanna be" at night will increase, and your body's ability to process it sufficiently by 8:00 a.m. the next day will decrease.

It's simple biology, you can't do this forever. Quit now and it doesn't have to get ugly.

Keep going, and it will. And you will not be able to predict or control when and where you finally lose it, and what the consequences will be.