Nervous about being alone
 

My wife and daughter are taking a vacation with my in-laws. They're leaving in a few hours and will be gone until next Saturday. I'm 100 days short of a year sober and in the last almost 9 months I haven't been alone, at all. My wife would know if I was sneaking around again and that has really helped me when it comes down to it. However, I could drink the moment she left and she's not gonna know being 500 miles away. I already took my week vacation from work so there wasn't really any way I could go to be with them. I'm just not ready to be trusted I guess staying sober all by myself. I went to my bi-weekly (used to be weekly) one on one counseling session this morning, have dinner plans for 6:00 at a restaurant that doesn't serve booze and tentative plans with another friend after that. So, I feel good about today. I'm just really anxious about the next 6 😁 I'm like 50% sure I can stay sober but 50% sure I'm gonna drink. I already feel like I failed because I started planning my first drink already even though I don't even want it.

Stop. Stop going down that path. Destruction and death lie that way.

I live alone and am not working. No family in the area. Sobriety is mine, no one else's. Only I know if I've had a drink. I am not tempted to go back to that insanity and misery.

Stop thinking about it. Distract! Run, ride a bike, go canoeing - fishing, whatever. Stop. You don't drink any more.

You aren't alone.

We're here. You can lean on us.

the ONLY day you havemto be concerned about is today.
and the ONLY was a alcohol will enter your body is if you allow it, so dont allow any excuses to drink be entertained in your melon.
make yourself 100% sure you wont drink today even if your ass falls off.
take it 1 minute at a time if necessary.

Make yourself as busy as possible and have a plan for your alone time- include some relax and fun time for you and keep coming and posting here if you get the itch to drink!
Go over your recovery plan. You can do this you just have to make up your mind right now :)

Good on you for getting those thoughts out of your head.

Remember it's the first drink that gets us drunk. Without the first, we can't have the second or third or tenth one. And you don't have to take that first drink today no matter what lies or rationalizations your addiction is whispering in your ear.

Glad you already have some good sober plans made. Remember that SR is here 24/7. Post once a minute if that's what it takes. Please let us know how things are going throughout these days ahead. I'll be thinking of you...

First off, stop thinking those thoughts. The AV is trying to talk you into drinking. An urge is just that, an urge, it can't make you drink. You are the one in charge of your sobriety. Come here and read and post.

Best wishes.

Lots of good advice here zackman, and you have a clear choice. The debate you are having in your head is with your addiction, not a logical entity remember.

First off, make plans to spend time each day working specifically on your sobriety. That could be going to some AA or other recovery meetings. It could mean scheduling time to spend each day here on SR and read/write/share. It could mean calling up your counselor and asking if you could have a couple extra meetings next week.

Second, make some definite plans for things to keep you busy otherwise. If you are anything like me, I'm willing to bet you could probably put together a nice list of projects to work on around your house/apartment.

Lastly, remember that it's you who makes the choice as to whether you drink or not. You've made it 200 plus days and made the choice not to drink every single time. The next week is no different in that respect...you still get to choose what happens every day, regardless of who you are with at the time.

I planned my last relapse (drugs) well in advance. Found someone's stash and knew my wife was going out of town a month later. I had been clean over ten years.

You are doing something I didn't do...and that's come here and post about your concern.

Stay strong.

Sorry, Charlie, but I've read the same comments several times before. People who claim that some significant person in their lives is in any way responsible for their sobriety. This is just another version of blaming other people for our troubles, sober or otherwise.

I needed to take responsibility for my own behaviors and decisions, as well as the consequences of what I say and do, in order to grow as a person and to achieve sobriety.

It's you, and always you, who plans and sets the stage for a relapse, just as it is for everyone else who relapses. Early on, we tend to place conditions on our sobriety, harboring reservations as to when and under what circumstances under which we'll drink again. I was always in danger of picking up the drink until I confronted this reality.

You're rationalizing your wife's absence as a reason to drink instead of framing it as an opportunity to do what you want to do while the cat's away.

Get real, and be honest with yourself.

I was fortunate enough to have a very good friend tell me that I need to get sober for me when I was just starting my trip down the sober road. I was going to get sober for my now ex and kids. He explained that I need to do it for myself because if I was doing it for someone else and things didn't go the way I planned, which they didn't, I would probably end up back using.

I think everyone has already said it all. But what if your wife phoned? If she heard you'd been drinking, especially the first time she has been away, wouldn't that destroy all the trust again. And what if there was an emergency (God forbid) and she needed to get in touch and you were lying around drunk? Or you might just be thinking of having "a couple" then stopping. I have been imprisoned for 17 years by that thought.
Apart from that, you can't cheat yourself, and think of your state of mind when you had to come down if you drank.
I live alone and unemployed too. Can be alone for days on end, not seeing anyone. But I don't want to drink, because I wouldn't want to live in my mind after I'd done it.

[QUOTE=tomsteve;6078741
make yourself 100% sure you wont drink today even if your ass falls off.
[/QUOTE]

OMG I am dying. Totally stealing this!!

Seriously, though. No excuses. Talk to yourself out loud if you have to and tell your AV to shut up- it's already gotten in there too loudly and it needs to stop talking! Making this the fundamental premise- channel Yoda! There is no try, only do! - and make plans. Keep them. Go to AA meetings, even if you haven't been working a program. Ask people to be around you!!! Put yourself to bed early- a big tactic for me for any kind of "distress tolerance help" - then morning comes faster.

And play the tape through- how will you feel if you drink, mentally, physically, emotionally? You will spend this time drinking, being hungover, hating yourself, repeat cycle if you drink while they are gone (as an example scenario) - you will have this feeling hanging over your head that your wife doesn't know and feel bad when she gets back. Do you tell her? Not? Arghhh...and here come the guilt and pain and awfulness once again. And....if you are anything like me, we didn't have many or any people who lived with or close to us fooled, or much or all the time. Think back to a place of greater suspicion that you lived in. Do you want to give her reason for that, all over again? I bet not.

You can do it.

Zackman if you are 100 days away then top effort!!!

Me, I started this wednesday, relapsed today, and
start again tomorrow. Your loved ones are away, so
show them what you can do on your own. Imagine
how proud they will be. And not wanting to sound like
a Nancy (If you have that in the US) It is really up to
you, and not your closest going on an awayday.

Easy for me to say, hope I can start tomorrow again.
I will probably be awake all night shaking like a dog
taking a s**t. Give me a text. I can get drink anytime I
want, just don't want to anymore. We can talk instead.
Help me loads!!!!

Nicholas.

My first 30 days were tough because I was so weak and physically/emotionally beaten from withdrawal. But my So did not want to put off visiting his 93 yr. old mother another weekend. I was terrified (and she did not strictly need him), but I said OK bitterly. The day after he left I slipped - just one night but enough to make me sick for days.

I still feel bitterness because I was not yet strong enough to be left alone, couldn't drive, no support, etc.) I haven't reached 100 days yet; hope I'll be able to handle loneliness better, but right now I just remind myself of the self-loathing, guilt, nightmares and illness that followed that one evening of indulgence. When I 'romantasize' drinking I immediately go straight to memories of the Hospital ICU where I felt I was dying. So no more 50% maybes for me.

You are stronger than you know!

You are not alone!!!

I have been in the exact same situation.

You are already succeeding by coming here. When I posted about this situation the best response I got was: "nobody will know, but YOU will know and YOU are the only one that matters."

Stay close. This is a big test for your sober muscles. If you conquer it it will be easier next time.

The other great advice I got here was that thoughts are just that, thoughts. You have the power over your actions.

Remember The person that you want to be.

We are with you! We have your back! We are here 24/7 for support so use us!!!

You can do this. YOU CAN!!!

A few years ago I had a mate who was an alcoholic . He was doing well, going to meetings taking his antabuse pills ,sober maybe 6 Months . He made a plan to stop taking the pills and try to drink normally , he told us ( his also alcoholic buddies ) his plan but nothing we could say would stop him .
Well ! he went through with his plan and drank normal , for a day and was still drinking 3 Months later where upon he left a drinking session and committed suicide .

I was told by some members here not to beat about the bush , be frank and to the point so here I am telling you "don't do it "

you are responsible for your sobriety if you want to drink you will. I suggest what others have
1 change your thoughts to I will not drink
2 go to a recovery meeting
3 get bust stay busy or try mindfulness and sit with your thoughts until the desire to drink passes
4 write down all the pros and cons of a relapse
5 do not drink no matter what!
plus we are here for you , good luck

Being alone seems to be a huge trigger for me also. In fact, in the first few months of my sobriety, I considered drinking every single time I had even a few HOURS alone! :( It was awful, so I totally understand how you feel.

But you can make it through, sober. Play the tape through. By drinking now, especially after so much sober time, you awaken the beast. That thought alone has kept me sober, seriously. I know that I will be right back to where I started if I drink now. Sure, I can't lose those 8 months but I will have a heck of a time staying back on the sober train afterwards. Do you remember those first few days, and weeks ? You will be right back there, and your family will be back by then and you will be fighting the urge again, and trying to hide it and feeling the guilt & shame of it all.

Also, there's no guarantee that your wife won't find out anyway.
I know I used to drunk dial a lot and post on facebook drunk, ugh, I'm so not going back there, and I'm sure you don't want to either.

Congrats on your sober time. :)

Some really great advice here. How are you doing zackman?

D