About had it
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
About had it
I am laying in bed fearing my husband right now who is still sleeping. I did it again. I binge drank myself into an idiot. And I did it right in front of him. And he is so so mad at me about it. How long can I put off facing his anger? What a mess I've made of myself.
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
Originally Posted by slipnslide 
I am laying in bed fearing my husband right now who is still sleeping. I did it again. I binge drank myself into an idiot. And I did it right in front of him. And he is so so mad at me about it. How long can I put off facing his anger? What a mess I've made of myself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
Funny thing is I have never feared my husband. He is the most loving, kind, compassionate and UNDERSTANDING person I know. So for him to be mad at me tells me that I'm a bigger mess than I thought. Shame on me. Alcohol on the back porch with him on cool summer nights used to be fun. And then randomly, no telling when, it just goes too far.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
We can't go back and change anything about what happened in the past, even the obviously the most recent past. But we can make better choices about what we do right now and all the nows that follow.
What is your plan about future alcohol consumption?
What is your plan about future alcohol consumption?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
Originally Posted by dwtbd
We can't go back and change anything about what happened in the past, even the obviously the most recent past. But we can make better choices about what we do right now and all the nows that follow. What is your plan about future alcohol consumption?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 509
Originally Posted by slipnslide
I am laying in bed fearing my husband right now who is still sleeping. I did it again. I binge drank myself into an idiot. And I did it right in front of him. And he is so so mad at me about it. How long can I put off facing his anger? What a mess I've made of myself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Sorry to hear that. Many of us have been there. If you are like most people you start just like we did, one day at a time working yourself from the bottom up. The solution is simple, doing it can be a challenge.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Bern
Posts: 72
Hi,
I've just joined here. Just being here helps.
I've made an a**e of myself many a time in
front of freinds and family 'cos of booze.
I think most of us have.
If your husband is as good and understanding
as you say he is, then talk to him. He may be
more helpful than you think. You are parteners
at the end of the day.
Nicholas..
I've just joined here. Just being here helps.
I've made an a**e of myself many a time in
front of freinds and family 'cos of booze.
I think most of us have.
If your husband is as good and understanding
as you say he is, then talk to him. He may be
more helpful than you think. You are parteners
at the end of the day.
Nicholas..
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR SlipnSlide. The consequences of our drinking are unavoidable, so being honest and humble is usually the best way to face them. It sounds difficult now, especially when we're hung over and feeling like crap, but there's truly nothing you can do or say that will change what you've just done.
What you CAN do is let your actions speak for you. By that I mean that the only true solution to the problems that drinking causes is to stop drinking. If you can show those around you that you are serious about being sober by actively living sober, it can change a lot of perception and help you regain trust. That means a lot more than just "not drinking" too - you've got to find a plan that actively addresses the underlying issue in your life that are associated with your drinking too. There's a lot of different ways to go about that, the link below is a great "must read" thread for anyone new to the site and thinking about what they should do next.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Finally, I'd ask you this: You mention in your thread title that you have "About" had it. What will it take for you to have really "had it" enough to quit for good?
What you CAN do is let your actions speak for you. By that I mean that the only true solution to the problems that drinking causes is to stop drinking. If you can show those around you that you are serious about being sober by actively living sober, it can change a lot of perception and help you regain trust. That means a lot more than just "not drinking" too - you've got to find a plan that actively addresses the underlying issue in your life that are associated with your drinking too. There's a lot of different ways to go about that, the link below is a great "must read" thread for anyone new to the site and thinking about what they should do next.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Finally, I'd ask you this: You mention in your thread title that you have "About" had it. What will it take for you to have really "had it" enough to quit for good?
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
What Scott asked.
The bottom line is that you know you need to stop drinking. You haven't used those words, but you describe your alcoholism above. It's not fun anymore, etc.
So, you face him. You don't drink today. You decide on a plan- even if it's just, hey, let's go to one AA meeting and see. Tomorrow, I can do something else.
And....you have to stop drinking for YOU. Yes, your drinking affects him and yes, he will have a role in your LIFE whether you drink or not. But the significant people in our lives cannot- CANNOT- get or keep us sober. They are supporting (or unsupporting) players. You are the star of the sober show that can be your life - that you will change as you are in recovery (and I'm not going to go into the HP stuff here) - but you have to do it for you. Everything else follows.
Feel better today, and stay sober. Just today. Tomorrow will be here on its own time.
The bottom line is that you know you need to stop drinking. You haven't used those words, but you describe your alcoholism above. It's not fun anymore, etc.
So, you face him. You don't drink today. You decide on a plan- even if it's just, hey, let's go to one AA meeting and see. Tomorrow, I can do something else.
And....you have to stop drinking for YOU. Yes, your drinking affects him and yes, he will have a role in your LIFE whether you drink or not. But the significant people in our lives cannot- CANNOT- get or keep us sober. They are supporting (or unsupporting) players. You are the star of the sober show that can be your life - that you will change as you are in recovery (and I'm not going to go into the HP stuff here) - but you have to do it for you. Everything else follows.
Feel better today, and stay sober. Just today. Tomorrow will be here on its own time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
embracing sobriety with all you've got, jumping immediately onto a program of recovery, giving your full commitment to leaving addiction behind you.....
these would go a long, long way toward healing yourself... and I'll bet in the process, they's also help heal your husband's anger.
and a reminder; anger is frequently sadness and fear magnified. there's a good chance that beneath his anger is a sense of fear for losing you, sadness and helplessness that he is unable to help you....
just speculation, but that is often the case.
these would go a long, long way toward healing yourself... and I'll bet in the process, they's also help heal your husband's anger.
and a reminder; anger is frequently sadness and fear magnified. there's a good chance that beneath his anger is a sense of fear for losing you, sadness and helplessness that he is unable to help you....
just speculation, but that is often the case.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
what if i told you that you NEVER EVER have to feel this shame and guilt over what you did while drinking, and you never ever have to feel the physical consequences of another binge? and that the key to that freedom requires exactly ONE thing.......?
Commit to not drinking today under any circumstances period.
Commit to not drinking today under any circumstances period.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
I used to know that feeling well. Hiding from others in fear of what you did last night. Another repeat of what others already said, but you never have to feel that way again if you don't want to. I haven't felt that way since I quit drinking and let me tell you, that is a lovely thing.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 350
Hey slipnslide,
We may mess up over and over, but that does not mean we don't posses a conscience or the ability to be remorseful or deeply feel the pain we have caused. I have had a very patient SO too. In fact he still refuses to push my unhealthy "before" AND "after" behaviors back in my face. He has taken more control over HIS own feelings and needs though. Sadly, a few times he lost his cool, rather badly.
I'm a little worried about your fear. He may have reached his limit, but if he shouts in your face, insists on arguing/not listening without letting you 'walk away' (leave the room), if he wants to escalate the matter because he can't stay calm - please remove yourself from the situation until you can talk about what happened without defensiveness, accusations or shouting. My Guy "lost it" a few times and did hurt me. He weighs twice what I do and is very muscular and strong. We still have a lot of work ahead of us, but there can be NO physical engagement.
We may mess up over and over, but that does not mean we don't posses a conscience or the ability to be remorseful or deeply feel the pain we have caused. I have had a very patient SO too. In fact he still refuses to push my unhealthy "before" AND "after" behaviors back in my face. He has taken more control over HIS own feelings and needs though. Sadly, a few times he lost his cool, rather badly.
I'm a little worried about your fear. He may have reached his limit, but if he shouts in your face, insists on arguing/not listening without letting you 'walk away' (leave the room), if he wants to escalate the matter because he can't stay calm - please remove yourself from the situation until you can talk about what happened without defensiveness, accusations or shouting. My Guy "lost it" a few times and did hurt me. He weighs twice what I do and is very muscular and strong. We still have a lot of work ahead of us, but there can be NO physical engagement.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,522
Let us know how it went, slipnslide. I'm very familiar with that feeling of dread the morning after. I was exhausted from trying to manage my drinking - it was a huge relief to be done with it and get free. You can do this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 96
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Let us know how it went, slipnslide. I'm very familiar with that feeling of dread the morning after. I was exhausted from trying to manage my drinking - it was a huge relief to be done with it and get free. You can do this.
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