noneever

Although my friends and family have seen me drink, the vast majority of my binge drinking over the past 4 years has been alone. None of them have any idea that I was binging 2-5 times a week, just about every week, in the last 2 years. So to them, I'm someone who yes, drinks to excess on occasion (Christmas, birthdays etc) but doesn't necessarily have a drinking problem.
I'm feeling the need though to tell my mum and best friend in particular, that I am an alcoholic and am working on my sobriety. I guess it's a way of being accountable if I'm ever tempted to drink when around them. I know though that my mother will think I'm just being dramatic and that I just need to stop after 1 or 2 drinks- she's told me that in the past.
Maybe I should just tell my best friend. Any thoughts?

Dee74

Hi noneever

I think you're pretty much accountable to 150 thousand people here - if you want to be

Back in my day, I told everyone, for that reason - I kinda think it was a bit selfish of me now.

I wanted support - thats natural - but I worried people in asking for it and I didn't think about that at the time.

I didn't realise then what a great source of support things like SR, or things like AA SMART or LifeRing were.

I'm not saying it's wrong to tell your family or your friends - but make sure your motives are good...

and make sure you've thought through the repercussions. Once that genie is out of the bottle it won't go back.

If you're unsure - take some time. You don't need to decide today

D

Lightning Bug

Maybe sharing the pain and turmoil you experience as an alcoholic will help them to better understand the disease. If they understand what you have been through then they can support ypu. Early sobriety needs support.

REsoberALITY

I told people on a need to know basis. If I felt they needed to know so it didn't endanger my sobriety, I told them. In time, after I was much more comfortable with not drinking, I told people as it came up. It's just what worked for me.

MacW

The first few times I tried, I made it public knowledge, only to repeatedly fail at going dry.

The last few times I told only my closest friends and family. Again, only to fail.

This time around I have told nobody (except you folks) and I am finding it easier. I don't have the pressure of worrying that people are just going to see me fail again.

I'm actually living away from home at the moment, and I am looking forward to going home in a few months, completely sober. With people asking me why aren't you not drinking? I will just reply in an offhand fashion, "Oh, I stopped months ago."

REsoberALITY

To me, people in general do NOT understand what we are going through. That being said, the last thing I wanted was the added stress of questions, the stress of people acting different than they normally do, or trying to explain to them something that I really didn't understand for myself yet. I did want support but not knowing if I would be supported or not was also a very stressful thought. SR has been a godsend. Hope you get lots of insight on this and it helps you decide what's best in your situation.

try2again

idk...I told my family in hopes of some support or something, but they just kinda let it go - never say anything. maybe they didn't care to know. or rather act like it's nothing. that's the kinda family I come from though.

MacW

In truth, when I have told people in the past, the only ones that were supportive were the drinkers!

buk1000

I tried to quit several times and kept it to myself. It never worked. The last time I was very open about it, not because I wanted support, rather that I felt like I needed to get used to identifying that way myself. When I "outed" myself it made me more accountable to me.

I think everybody is different on this but I don't think I could ever have gotten sober if I wasn't openly living it honestly. I didn't broadcast it but I was never ashamed of it either. Any time I was asked I said "I don't drink anymore." 90% of the time the conversation ended there.

lynnmarie123

On all my past attempts to get sober, I told no one. My thinking at the time was... oh, the humiliation I'd feel if (but in my mind I believe I felt "when") I returned to drinking. That thinking alone set me up for failure!
This time I am slowly telling those who matter, not for accountability, but because this is who I am now.

Linz805

I actually have those same questions. Last year I decided to tell some of my family. I didn't want the secret to bring me back to drinking. Some thought I didn't really have a problem but I drank alone a lot so how would they know? Well I ended up relapsing and felt so ashamed and didn't even want to see my family. This go around I have really kept my mouth shut only to talk to my mom and sister about it. I think when the time is right you will know when to say something. If you don't want to at the moment then just be easy on yourself. If you get the urge to and feel comfortable then go for it.

Delilah1

I think it is a personal decision. I have been sober seven months and I told my husband (he would have figured it out since there wasn't a new giant bottle of wine each day) and a few weeks into sobriety I told my mom and one of my closest friends. My kids have noticed that I am not drinking and I made it about healthy habits rather than being sober.

You can definitely use this site for accountability, and if you are unsure about telling people wait a bit and then make a decision.

Glad you are here!

Soberwolf

Great advice in this thread

LadyBlue0527

Definitely a personal decision and the answer is in the underlying motive.

The people I have told are aware to secure my own accountability. I knew in the back of my mind that it they weren't aware and there was alcohol involved that I could freely drink and there would be no questions. Although I feel pretty secure I'm doing everything in my power this time to eliminate all possibilities.

August252015

My parents were intimately involved in my drinking story, pretty much all the time (lots to that story there, including their financial support). They obviously knew when I quit because I went cold turkey - FINALLY stopped- after a harrowing dr visit in Feb.

A small number of people (still in my life at the time of my drinking and quitting) knew how bad it was. Others "knew" I had stopped (I hadn't). Some had no idea how bad it was, as I have slowly opened up and shared to them - these are the people I had "let get away" while drinking and I want them back now. I am almost 6 months sober and still keep my "circle" very small. And yet another group of folks knew (almost) how bad it was and are incredibly relieved, or they are over me, so to speak, and I have no idea what they have heard through the grapevine about me being sober.

IMO there are different ways, times, degrees of honesty and reasons to share. My first sponsor always said we do NOT have to tell anyone, and we don't OWE anyone the knowledge. I think sometimes there are people we do OWE the knowledge, but agree with her general point. My bosses know - it was part of my story that I shared when I asked for my job back- and I know plenty of people worry about that kind of thing at work. I'm lucky there.

Good point about motives and the burden the knowledge might put on other people. Again, I think this is a very personal thing, and know people who both shouted out at the beginning (and are glad or are a little rueful that they did) and people who are at the opposite end and still keep it close to the vest after quite a bit of sobriety.

My gut is largely my guide in sharing.

noneever

Thank you all for the thought provoking responses. I've decided to not mention it. I've thought about it and realised that my motives came partly from a place of wanting to be told that I'm not an alcoholic, that I'm just going through a difficult phase. And partly from just wanting to offload this secret I feel I have, kind of like when someone confesses to their partner that they've been unfaithful.
And what's said can't be unsaid.
So SR, I am holding myself accountable to all of you wonderful, understanding people.

ram8811

In my case i told every one and i felt great about it, some of them teased me for being sober, but majority congratulated me, Just think for second the reason why your hesitating to tell them(Family & Friends), if i am not wrong your missing valuable time with your Family and Friends by not telling them truth, jus go tell them you will feel more relaxed and happy.
Congartulations for being sober.....

HeartsAfire

Like you, my drinking was done (for the most part) in secret. In fact, no one truly knows the amount I was drinking when I was alone. But for me, telling my husband, son & 2 trusted friends was the point the merry-go-round stopped, I got off & my path to sobriety finally began. I'll have 2 years on Monday.

This is an incredibly personal, case-by-case decision. There is no right or wrong answer. You'll have to figure out what ultimately works for you, your family and your sobriety.

I'm so glad you're here. Keep talking - we understand like no one else ever will.

doggonecarl

I hesitated to tell anyone I quit drinking. Realized I wanted to leave the back door open to drink. If I don't tell anyone I quit, they won't be saddened to see me drinking.

Being honest about my quitting has actually helped my recovery, not hindered it.

MLD51

I had no choice but to let people know when I got sober. I did almost all of my drinking out in public, with friends and family. It was just too huge of a change in my behavior to hide. I got tons of support, almost no one said anything snarky. One person who I think is just clueless did say something like "it's about time." That bothered me at first, but since then she has been nothing but supportive.

But I agree, it's a personal decision. I'm very open about it, and it helps me with accountability. People at work even know. But I know other people in AA who really have remained anonymous, and that works for them.