MacW

Hi folks,

I'm new here, I only just registered. I decided to join, as I have come to realize that despite attempting to quite the booze, I just can't make it alone.

When I look back at the last 30 years of my life, I realize that almost every problem I have ever had, stems from alcohol. I've known this for some time now. Usually first thing I do when this thought raises its ugly head, is go for a drink to forget about it.

However, recently things have become much worse. I've been living in Thailand for 12 years (cheap booze). I had a girlfriend, and a Son I love dearly. Yet more than both of them, I have loved my beer.

I won't bore you with the details, I am sure many of you have similar stories, and are all too aware of the road you took to get to where you were before you quit.

Currently, I have had to leave Thailand as I do not have enough money to prove I am financially able to take care of myself, so I cannot apply for a new visa. I would have had plenty of funds to do this, but I drank all that money and then some.

So I am living in a hotel room, in Siem Reap, Cambodia. And this has made things much worse. A beer here is $.50. Cheaper than water.

I work online (although I've lost a lot of customers lately due to me binging for days instead of completing their work).

Lately, every time a client pays me, I head straight out to the nearest bar. I don't even save enough money for the hotel room, I just hope some more money comes in before I'm due to pay at the end of each week.

And then this last week, I got drunk on Sunday, and stayed drunk until Thursday morning. I was broke by this time, couldn't afford a beer.

Spent Thursday with the shakes, and the fear was on me strong. Still with me today as I write this.

So I really have no choice. There is no more down, I'm 49 years old, and all I own in the world fits in a small backpack. Everything else I have ever owned is gone, and drink is the reason why. No friends, estranged from my family. I literally own 4 pairs of shorts, 4 shirts and my laptop.

I must give up, and give up today.

So any advice would be well received.

Thanks in advance,

Mac.

Lightning Bug

Take one day at a time. In the morning pray that God gives you the strength to not drink today. The past is the past. Leave it behind. Focus on your present (right now, today) and give the future everything you can. You can do it!

Determined1977

I am very sorry you are going through tough times Mac. The good news is, if you stick with sobriety, you can have most things back. Myself, I was jobless, living out of reality for 3 years, nearly lost a home that I own. By the grace of God, 23 days sober, I saved my home, have 2 jobs and I am finally living. Physical wdrawals are serious and can be life-threatening. If you can seek out medical treatment, it is the best option. Try to have a plan for your recovery. I am praying for you, and for today do not drink.

MacW

Thanks for the encouragement.

MacW

Nowhere here to get that kinda help, no free healthcare in this country, and no cash to pay a hospital. I used to have health insurance that would have covered it, but of course, then came a day when it was pay for the insurance or have money in my pocket to drink with.

Actually, physically I am not too bad. Yesterday was bad, today I can cope with. Oddly, I have actually kept myself pretty fit over the years. As I discovered that forcing myself to do some cardio exercise for an hour or so every morning helped to clear my head, and keep me functioning. How ironic to be in to fitness so you can keep drinking?

Berrybean

Welcome to the forum. I would suggest getting some local support and making a plan for sobriety and recovery. We have our alcoholic drinking to tackle through sobriety, but also our alcoholic thinking to tackle, and we do that through recovery. There are many options for doing this, but being in Cambodia could, I suppose, narrow your options a bit.

Anyway. We're here and rooting for you. Expect some discomfort (physical and psychological and emotional) in early recovery, and know that you CAN bear it. Be ready to seek medical support if your health is threatened.

Here is a link to details for your local AA meetings.... Meeting Schedule | Alcoholics Anonymous Cambodia

Here is a link to Dee's thread about making a plan, which has some invaluable advuce on the links... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-2.html

Here is a link to some great AA speaker recordings for between AA meetings... 5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

Dee74

Hi Mac and welcome

No ones going to force you to see a Dr...it's just best practice.
This withdrawal stuff can be serious for some of us.

There are some other members & expats from SE Asia here who might chime in with local knowledge to help

This is a great community for support - I'm glad you found us

D

MacW

Thanks for the links. I was considering AA for a time back when I was in Thailand. I didn't think for a moment they would have meetings here in Siem Reap.

They have an open meeting on Monday. I think perhaps I will go along to that. My main trigger has always been boredom, and I know for a fact that to get through this, I need to find things to do to fill up the hours each day where being drunk was my entertainment. Meeting some new people might open up some options.

Mac.

Berrybean

Yep. There are two phone numbers for contacts as well on the link. Why not text those guys today and see if they're available to meet for a chat before them. I guarantee that they'll be glad to hear from you. It's what the fellowship is all about. It strengthens our own sobriety when we work with others to help them, so newcomers are good for not only their own sobriety, but anyone who has the opportunity to help them.

Besides, it sounds like you could do with a way of meeting some people in the area, and it'll be better for you if they're sober ones.

Just another thought. The price of the drink doesn't need to make any difference. You know you'd soon get a hold of it if it was two or three times the price if you chose to . Where active alcoholism is concerned, where there's a will, there is always a way. The trick now will be to not act on that part of your self-will (commonly known as our AV - addictive voice). It will tell you all kinds of lies and justifications for taking a drink, an d be pretty convincing. It's hard to separate this from our sane thinking - well, I found it hard. Then someone said to me that they can always tell it's their AV, because it's always telling them that same thing. Take a drink. Doh. Of course. Took me a while.

I would suggest, keep reaching out to others (as you have here, and can do with those AA contacts), keep hydrated, spend your precious money on nutrition, and try to get rest, even if you can't sleep. This is because HALT (Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired ) are common triggers for all of us.

MacW

Good timing, I was just sitting here thinking well, I've done something about giving up today, just a couple of beers to ease the transition won't hurt. How can anyone think that rewarding themselves with alcohol for taking a step towards quitting alcohol can be in the least bit logical?

That's the AV for sure

Mac.

Berrybean

Yep. Well spotted. They really are nasty, deceptive little buggers. Lol.
We all fall for it for years and years. Mickey Bush, an AA speaker, talks really well about early sobriety and that voice. Plus, he's pretty funny. Bonkers, but funny.

MacW

Tonight is going to be tough. I have a dinner date (first in many years) with a young lady I have met who works at a street food stall along the road from my hotel.

One of my reasons for drinking (originally) is that I am always uncomfortable in social situations, unless I am with people I know very well.

My social skills are a little rusty, in recent years they have consisted of knowing when its time to move to another bar because I have pissed too many people off that day. Or ducking a punch because I didn't realize it was time to move to another bar (I can be a mean drunk at times).

She will no doubt drink alcohol. I will be shy. And my AV will be screaming at me for sure.

But hey, I have made myself laugh today so that's a good thing

Dee74

May as well start on that 'road not travelled' tonight Mac

D

Berrybean

I used to think everyone else need to drink as well. Since I've been sober, I've been surprised at how many people aren't so bothered about having a drink if I'm not drinking. Maybe I just aligned myself with other Drunks before, or maybe my drunken antics drove others around me to drink. Who knows.

If you're tempted to have just a couple of beers (hahahahahaha), then try to play the tape forward. You know that it won't stop at two. And you can probably predict what kind of date you'll become once you've hit the booze. To be honest, dating in early sobriety is a bit of a minefield, and many would suggest steering clear of it and focussing on getting well for a while, but this one's already arranged, so that's a tough call.

MacW

My ex-wife used to ask me, "Why don't you just drink one beer?"

I would respond by saying, "I always drink one beer. One at a time."

No such thing as just a couple.

But this date is actually typical of the things you get in to when you are drinking. The last thing I need right now is the confusion of starting a new relationship. Especially considering I am basically in no position to offer anyone anything. But of course, I was drunk when I asked her, and she agreed. So now I am committed to it. Actually, asking a random stranger out to dinner whilst drunk is pretty mild for me. It's usually much worse! And now I'm laughing again haha

Berrybean

Lol. Well just be mindful as well that we do tend to attract people who are as sick as ourselves, and it's not always a good idea to partner our AV with someone else's! After all, it's one thing being drunk and asking a random stranger on a date. Another thing to agree to a date with a drunk random stranger. Maybe she's a lovely girl, but her decision making seems a little skewiff (nothing personal you understand - but I don't think any of us are really hot propositions when we're drunk).

MacW

Probably because she only speak a few words of English so didn't realize how intoxicated I was at the time.

Berrybean

Lol. I take it that you've been busy brushing up on your Khmer then, or its going to be a funny kind of date! Sorry. Shouldn't laugh, but ohhhh, the places alcohol takes us. Good luck with your date.

MacW

Luckily she speaks some Thai, and my Thai is OK.

I admit though I'm not exactly looking forward to it. It seemed such a good idea at the time! hehe

Mac.

Berrybean

Doesn't it always!

Oh well. A good chance to practice your Thai. And eat. Eating is always good .