ZenButterfly

hi all
I am still struggling... saw my ex boyfriend last night and I still love him so much but I can tell he doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. I feel like alcohol is my only friend sometimes, I have suffered from anxiety for years and people in my life end up leaving me so I have nothing else to hold onto. I am going to talk to a doctor soon about a change in meds but I am so tired of feeling this way.

Does this feeling ever go away if you stop drinking? Honestly I am afraid to because then I will have nothing left to live for. Does life get any better when you're sober?

sugarbear1

Of course everything gets better when we are sober!!!! It just takes some time to learn how to live a sober life!!!!

you CAN do this!!!

Dee74

Hey ZB

do you really think everyone here would be sober if they thought they were losing out on the deal?

No way.

My life is better now in every way than my drinking life. I love my life, I love who I am, I have purpose and optimism for the future, I have many friends, and as active a social life as I want

don;t let fear hold you back. The transition phase from drinker to non-drinker is hard - there's no getting around that - but it's not forever...

I dunno about you but I gave years to drinking - why not give 90 days to not drinking, and building a new sober life...& see how that goes?

you can do this - give it a try?

D

Lightning Bug

I believe that people come and go in our lives for a specific purpose. Relationships may burn out but our lives our enriched in some way by knowing them. People may have great friends in high school but lose them in college when lives go in different directions. We may have a relationship with a man or woman that was great in the bedroom but lacked substance outside of it so it fizzled. But we take the good from these relationships and that carries us through to the next. I'm sorry you had a breakup, but maybe he was just not the one you are supposed to be with. That guy is still out there waiting for you. I was married to the wrong guy for ten years. I call him my practice husband, he helped prepare me for the man I met and married after our divorce. My current husband is the man I am supposed to be with. But would I have found him without my practice husband? Probably not.

Bring new people into your world. Put yourself out there to find them. AA can help. Finding activities can help. Or by simply reaching out to a stranger can help. You don't have to be alone. Every day is a new day to make a new connection.

Berrybean

Yes. It does get better. As long as we work on our recovery. (Not just stop drinking and sit tight waiting for things to change - we need to make changes).

newpage119

Absolutely life gets better, so much better!
But you have to participate and make it better....it doesn't happen all by itself...and there will be tough times and temptations......but before you know it you will wake up one day wondering why you ever drank alcohol at all ........

Begin by adding one fun activity where alcohol is not involved....there are lots of them. Usually something physically or mentally challenging....Hmmmm wonder why that is??

madgirl

Alcohol is not your friend. Alcohol will *cause* anxiety and diminish your self esteem because you aren't thinking clearly and your body doesn't feel well.

My sense of wonder at the changes I am going through because I decided to embrace sobriety is growing every day! I have found myself making decisions which are the best for me because I like myself much more - instead of desperately trying to keep certain people in my life because I feel bad/lonely. Does that make sense?

It's hard to grow that feeling of genuine self-esteem if you're either drunk or hungover much of the time.

At first, you do have to take a leap of faith when you commit to sobriety, and trust that with the passing of sober time, you will start to heal and change. This has been my experience, anyway.

Mountainmanbob

Maybe you doctor needs to know that you are mixing your meds with alcohol (I was never very honest with my doc).

Doctors have helped many a drunk get sober -- please be honest and ask for help.

Doctor Bob of the AA Program helped many to recover.

When I went through treatment many years ago at a local hospital the Program was run by a sweet old recovered alcoholic doctor. Oh - yes, some of them also suffer.

M-Bob

ZenButterfly

thanks everyone for giving me bit of hope

MythOfSisyphus

It does get better sober, Zen.

Delizadee

It does get better. .. we just have to be willing to put in the work and accept some of the times will be hard. But working through it will help you find new ways of helping yourself and creating a better life. Don't give up

IWalkTheLine

Dee, in what ways is your life better?

I have a bit more money, its easier to keep a job and I dont get into trouble with the law now I stopped drinking......but.... I miss my friends I "feel" every minute of every hour of every day.

Maybe I need to change my life, but thats hard where do I start?

I have a house job relatinship and pets, somethings definately missing though, I had all these things when I was drinking, it just made me unreliable.

thomas11

Does life get any better when you're sober?

Yes. Alcohol is usually the culprit in most people's unsatisfying lives. Gods honest truth. Wish you the best.

SoberLife90

Of course life gets better when you are sober. The changes that have happened in my life have been brought about through working the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous. I could have hardly made the changes in my life on my own. You cannot expect to make huge life changes without putting some work into your recovery.

KarenOskie

I agree, it gets much better. And it gets better pretty fast. There are a lot of adjustments to make. I feel things now, like anger and hurt feelings and fear, and I can't run for the booze to make it go away. But, I have other ways of dealing with the feelings, and when I use those instead of alcohol, I feel fantastic!
Sometimes, it is harder and worse for a short period of time when you are experiencing things that make you want to drown your feelings in alcohol. But, when you get through those short periods, it is SO much better. So worth it. And every time I get through wanting a drink but instead of drinking, I handle it in a different way, it makes me grow away from the sick person and closer to the healthy me I want to be.
I'm sorry you're hurting, I know it's hard, really hard. What is your plan for getting through without a drink?

Dee74

It's not much better materially to be honest...I'm a little more well off financially, but 'things' never really were that important to me.

My health is not terrific either...but my attitude has done a complete 180. I'm grateful for all that I have, & I look forward to every new day.

The real gains are - I'm happy.
I love my life - I worked hard to build a sober life I loved.

I lost a lot of drinking buddies but I reconnected with a lot of old friends I'd drifted away from due to my drinking...I've made a lot of new friends too in the years I've been sober.

I have a very active social life now. I ended up drinking alone at home as a drinker.

I have purpose now. I get a lot from helping others. That doesn't have to be your purpose but it's not a bad thing to try - to help make a difference is a wonderful thing to be part of....

I had to drink to tolerate my old drinkers life. I don;t need to do that anymore

If you're still living your old drinkers life then yeah, maybe you need some changes?

Think about what changes you could make? what would make you happy, or at least happier, sober?

D

teatreeoil007

Hi there ZenButterfly!

A lot of start and pick up the bottle when they are lonely. It's a big trigger too....so I think it's great you came here and posted about how you feel. You are not alone and we understand. It's just one of those common reasons people drink. Sadness is a big trigger too.

I have often found that getting outside and doing outdoor stuff is a big help for me when I am stressed, frustrated, etc. It seems to soothe my mind while I am walking outside and breathing in the fresh air [sunshine too if it's sunny]. Takes my mind off things and I can just let go of all that seems to dragging me down. AND it's just good for your health.

Hang in there. If you have a dog take it walking with you. If don't have a dog, get one if you can. They make great companions! If you can't get a dog, go to the nearest animal shelter and volunteer to walk the dogs. It's great! And you may find one your like to adopt.