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Confession Time......

Old 07-29-2016, 05:42 AM
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Confession Time......

Good Morning Y'all!

So here we are FRIDAY and me drink free since last Sunday. I'm super proud of myself, I've had multiple chances to drink and have turned them all down. My fear is, I'm a stay at home Mommy Monday-Friday and saying no is easy when I'm with them. I work in the city this weekend and I will have the freedom, opportunity and overwhelming want to drink. My confession is that I have been fantasizing about a glass of wine after work since about Wednesday. I really thought I could shake it. There is a nice restaurant right out side of my work and they offer a nice selection of wines. I was there last weekend, while I was there I felt amazing. It was quiet, dimly lit and I had time to myself and the waitress was so nice and we had a conversation about the wine I was trying and the notes it had. I'm even fantasizing about the way the wine glass fit in my hand. The funny thing is that because I have an hour drive home I have to limit myself to two glasses. But at this point in my life I have more guilt over those two glasses of wine than I did a few years ago over two bottles of wine. I really need my will power to shine through this weekend. I need to know for myself that I can say no, but more so I desperately want myself to WANT to say no. I want to be a normal and not have to worry on Wednesday that I need to say no to a drink on Saturday and Sunday.

So my plan....I'm going to call my husband from my office phone to tell him I'm on my way home. He knows how long it takes me to get home and that will keep me from stopping. If I stop at the restaurant it would take up at least an hour of time. I also plan on posting on here before I leave. I do not want to feel guilt this weekend and I need to prove to myself that I am bigger than this. I can not let myself hit the rock bottom I was at a few weeks ago.
I was initially going to find an AA meeting close to my work but I fear that telling my husband that I'm going to a meeting rather than just coming home would only provide me with the opportunity of time.

Thanks for listening and I hope everyone is having a wonderful Friday.
Stay Well!
-TX
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Old 07-29-2016, 05:56 AM
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This is great that you are thinking the idea all the way through and making a plan how to deal with the triggers/challenges along the way.....THIS is awesome!

I found that once I could tuck a few weekends sober in to my belt, it was easier and easier to deal with the weekends.
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Old 07-29-2016, 06:21 AM
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It's great that you are thinking ahead this way! It's a good plan to be accountable to your husband. After a few weekends without booze, it will get easier.

I was kind of sad to give up the whole wine experience, because I liked the ritual. But for me, a glass of wine always led to much more, and then I was drunk, hungover, remorseful, all that bad stuff. I decided it just wasn't worth it anymore. I don't miss it now. In fact, once I made the decision to get sober once and for all, even thinking about drinking makes me feel vaguely physically ill. Like right now. Yuck.
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Old 07-29-2016, 06:23 AM
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Giving up is NOT an option.
 
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Another thought - is there a coffee shop near your work where you can stop to get a latte or something - maybe a yummy pastry as a treat instead of wine?
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Old 07-29-2016, 07:01 AM
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Tx,,

The crave is the addiction. You are booze free, but your brain wants euphoria. It is scientific. Dopamine production is altered by alcohol.

It is a chronic condition.

In time, for me 14 months clean, the crave lessons.

We addicts have to learn to be happy w out booze. Some people chase the buzz and it ruins their lives.

Stay clean.
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Old 07-29-2016, 07:24 AM
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Ah yes, the romanticizing of drinking.....

My issue was two may have been the intention but was never the end result. Alcoholism is progressive and some catch it early enough to arrest the condition before losing the life they have / want. My romance with alcohol turned to a hard learned lie.

The lessons can be very painful. I have no idea how you drink - but the contemplation's of drinking make it seem your in a the right place. I eventually garnered the desire after will power simply did not work to become a member of AA. The program does indeed work for those who embrace it and don't just pop into meetings here and there.

Your heart is full of willingness = Great! For me it was the same but I needed help with the thinking, certainly. Will power failed me eventually - but many can indeed quit based on self will and circumstances if the chronic nature hasn't kicked in and a line crossed.

I don't respond much these days to posts- but something in your tone seems genuine. I hope you will find the help you need on your sober journey.
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Old 07-29-2016, 07:48 AM
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Sounds like a plan. I look forward to your Monday post when you tell us all about your lovely sober weekend you can do this..
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Old 07-29-2016, 08:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Fly N Buy View Post
Ah yes, the romanticizing of drinking.....
That is exactly what it is, isn't it. I hadn't thought about it that way. Perhaps I'm fantasizing about the moment more than than anything. I've built up this idea of how I think it felt and will feel. But if I am truly honest with myself there was guilt while I sat there and guilt for taking time away from my family. I need to focus on those feelings rather than the made up feelings I think I'll have if I were to end up stopping.

Thank You all for your comments!
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Old 07-29-2016, 09:45 AM
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Well done on spotting a potential trigger TX

As MLD51 said a treat of some sort is a good idea
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Old 07-29-2016, 10:14 AM
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Look at how much growth you showed in your post- you are thinking it through..you are planning for this visit and therefore you won't look at it as winging it. I have found that when I plan for a situation that I know will be a trigger, then it makes it a lot harder to just say to yourself "oh I just last minute walking in and what happened happened".

I think it is also smart thinking to call your husband when you get off work this way as you said he knows how long it takes you to get back and therefore that also keeps you accountable.

Of course in the end it is a choice you will have to make, but the more times you say no the easier it will get to say no in the future.
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Old 07-29-2016, 11:36 AM
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All those beautiful wine glasses,
crystal, the light reflecting thru
them, the aroma, resturants, liquor
stores aren't going anywhere's.

They have all been around for as
long as time can tell and don't seem
to be disappearing anytime soon.

Alcohol is alcohol anyway you look
at it and it affects each of us differently
in mind and body because no 2 people
are exactly alike. Similar, but not exact.

I tried so many times in the past
to not drink at certain times, vowing
after a horrible hangover, enough
was enough to only reach a week,
maybe a month or so to becoming
completely powerless over taking
that one drink.

That obsession, cravings for that
beautiful cold liquid was too strong
for me to turn completely away from
it. The longer I stayed away from it
the stronger it called me, tempting me,
begging me, using every excuse in
the book to drink it. And I Did.

For me, it took family stepping
in getting me into a safe, secure
place, rehab, where I spent 28
days learning, listening, absorbing
what I needed to know about my
own alcoholism and its affects on
my own mind, body and soul.

Then receiving a successful, effective
program of recovery to incorporate
in all areas of my life to achieve a strong,
solid foundation to live my life upon
for many one days at a time sober for
the past 25yrs. 26 this coming 8-11.

AA has worked for me because I
have and continue to incorperate
it my daily life. It had to be more than
just not drinking any longer in order
experience what so many before me
has and still do today.

To experience the rewards of the
Promises I continue to enjoy, appreciate,
am grateful for. For without complete
surrender to alcohol, I would either
be still drunk, hospitalized or dead.

The further away from my last drink,
the better off I am being healthy, happy,
honest using a program of recovery
as my guideline.

You can too.
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Old 07-29-2016, 03:40 PM
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Forethought really is everything TXstrong - you can do this!
D
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Old 07-29-2016, 03:44 PM
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So commendable, TXstrong. Proud of you.
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Old 07-29-2016, 06:23 PM
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Originally Posted by MLD51 View Post
It's great that you are thinking ahead this way! It's a good plan to be accountable to your husband. After a few weekends without booze, it will get easier.

I was kind of sad to give up the whole wine experience, because I liked the ritual. But for me, a glass of wine always led to much more, and then I was drunk, hungover, remorseful, all that bad stuff. I decided it just wasn't worth it anymore. I don't miss it now. In fact, once I made the decision to get sober once and for all, even thinking about drinking makes me feel vaguely physically ill. Like right now. Yuck.
Yes this is the crux of it right here. If only it was truly a matter of a couple glasses of wine. But if you're like most alcoholics you would be tormenting yourself by drinking because you will feel very agitated by holding off on a few and will likely drink more than that because the beast won't be satiated. I think your AV is trying hard to lure you back in. I hope you are able to make the decision to have a nice, relaxing time without the booze. I've been in your shoes countless times. You will be so much happier and healthier if you just say no I promise
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