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wife of a meth smoker

Old 07-28-2016, 03:01 PM
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wife of a meth smoker

I just need to tell some strangers my story. its impossible to tell anyone else. It doesn't even sound real to me. We were both successful people so madly in love it wasn't funny. we had a baby 1.5 years ago and months later I found emails of my husband putting ads on craigslist wanting to meet up with couples, woman and MEN! Stuff like I could be your slave for the day!! oh my god!! I was beyond shocked.. appauled. At this point we were both so happy with the baby , everything was perfect except some general life stressors.

He told me right away, as he fled away for a few days to another province where is was from because he was so ashamed that he was addicted to pain killers and cocaine. how would I have no idea. he said he would get off them if I took him back and he would kill himself without us. I have a 3 month old baby at this time!

He PROMISED he would just get so messed up out of his mind on cocaine that he would message people for the thrill but would never work up the courage to meet people. he said he was so depressed that his pain outweighed any consequence. He lied that he was clean for 4 weeks later to find out after seeing a WEIRD porn on his phone (old man little girl stuff) that he was on cocaine the day before and this is how messed up he is mentally. We were already having a normal sex life at this point. I thought I helped him through a rough patch.

things got a bit better. than 6 months later he started fighting at work, sleeping in, being angry, making HUGE messes, staying up all night. he was put on antidepressants but he really didn't think he needed them. later within the last 4 months I have found 5 meth pipes, meth on a glass in lines and 1 pill in tablet form in his car. he makes up lies and begs for my forgiveness but lately he just says **** you **** off you ruined me. you bitch at me all the time and I hate it here. he can not work whatsoever, hes lost weight and is so gross dark and scary looking. he doesn't have marks on his face or anthing and also has not a lot of money to spend on drugs anymore. He cant' stand the baby for the most part. he has panic attacks when he cries and arms go numb. He literally will like trash the house. he throws things, throws my stuff out and we don't ever sleep in the same room. he never sleeps. he says he is not addicted to meth he just does it once in a while to escape. but he says he doesn't need it. We tried marriage counseling, detox (he wouldn't stay because he said he definitely wasn't in withdrawal). he says he is sick. mentally sick is his reason for everything. The ER he takes HIMSELF to turns him away and says unless you have hurt someone no one has room!! its true! even if you cut your wrist you will just get bandaged up and sent home!! he makes home made weapons and nails curtains to the windows to avoid any cracks because of people following him. I finally almost got him in to a concurrent disorders program and he lied to the intake lady about using ANY drugs! he was denied the spot in the program.

I have become this pathetic mess who sort of looks after him though doesn't feel any connection or love anymore. I feed him, pay every single bill and clean up after him, work full time 13 hour shifts do EVERYTHING for the baby. He doesn't help with anything. he just does art and tries to sell it. BUT it is CRAZY stuff. he doesn't see why people don't buy it.

no one will treat him really because they want him to do counseling for drugs.

Am a loser for putting up with this?? I have started going out, living my old life with friends and family. I hate him but he has NO ONE else that will take him in. Can anyone offer some ADVICE?? I know I have to leave him and start over but maybe someone else has gone through something like this. he says its me and I exaggerate! I bitch and complain because my house is a right off and my life sucks. I have no partner
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Old 07-28-2016, 05:17 PM
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Sorry you are going thru this. I unfortunately was on the other side. I was a young female and for 4 years I was addicted to meth and my family tried to help me and they never stopped praying for me. I eventually got clean but my best advice is to move on with your life and get yourself healthy. My family continued life without me and I realized at some point I didn't want to lose them but they had to let me go to figure that out. Who knows when your husband will come out of this. Never stop supporting but don't enable and take care of yourself first. I will pray for your situation.
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Old 07-28-2016, 10:55 PM
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Welcome Kelsey
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Old 07-29-2016, 05:15 AM
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welcome Kelsey-

There is a family and friends section on this forum and if you post this there you will get a lot of replies. They are dealing with living with addicts too and will give you a lot of support.

I hate to hear about your situation. I hope you get out soon. He isn't going to straighten up with you taking care of him. It's too easy for him to stay a addict.
Take care of yourself and your baby.
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Old 07-29-2016, 05:20 AM
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I agree, this sounds like hell for you and your baby. Unfortunately, you can't "fix" him so the best thing you can do right now is to look out for your own best interests and safety. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
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Old 07-29-2016, 05:33 AM
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Kelsey,
Welcome to SR. Honey, no you are not a loser for "putting" up with this. All the members on F&F (friends and family forum) love an addict and "put" up with inappropriate stuff. You have come to the right place. There is a lot of hope for all us enablers. Are you attending any alanon meetings or seeing an addiction therapist. Some one on one human contact will also help you.

The bottom line is to give your husband to God and work on you. Baby Kelsey deserves the best mom you can be. Having you step back and take some deep breaths will calm down your life.

There is "stickies" on the F&F forum that you can read. You can educate your self about addiction. Slowly your life will calm down, not saying the addicts life will. Our support is for the enablers, the f&f forum is not "how do we get our addict sober and live happily ever after". It teaches us how to take control of our own out of control life. Please stick with us, ask us as many questions as you can. We are here for you!!
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Old 07-29-2016, 08:52 AM
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Dude this happened to my best friend.
Married a guy- he has 2 degrees, speaks 3 languages fluently and was in grad school for architecture.
Then he got hooked on meth- the rest is a similar story.
Just leave him- it'll just get worse xo
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Old 07-29-2016, 09:38 AM
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I'm so sorry you are going through this, I have been on both sides of the hell of addiction.

My family tried just financially and mentally supporting me and I just continued to get worse because I had no consequences, free place to live, free groceries, and even got money from family (by lying about what it was for). My mom eventually gave the ultimatum of "Get help- which I will help you with or you must leave my house" So what did I do? I left. I cut off all contact because "Oh they don't care about me" and me and my boyfriend- now husband lived outside, stood with a sign in the middle of the street to beg for money, stole things, etc. After living like that for a couple months my fiancÚ got arrested and I was out on the streets alone. I called my family for help and cried and said I was ready to come home please help me (I was living 12 hours away). My mom said I will be right there and cried and fly out that night to come bring me home. Her tough love saved my life..I got a psych evaluation found out I was bipolar, depressed, and had anxiety- I got a substance abuse counselor, a doctor that specialized in addiction, and a psychiatrist that specialized in addiction. I basically did the same to my fiancÚ and now we are married and planning our life ahead of us.

We were both heroin addicts, now we are coming up to a year sober. Addicts can recover, but they have to fight tooth a nail on their knees inching themselves forward. Take care of yourself and your child, he is the only one that can make him sober and find recovery.

You can't save him, but you can save yourself. Please keep reaching out, you are a strong amazing woman that your child is SO lucky to have. You are already paying everything, if you leave you won't have to support him and deal with the mental abuse.
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