waterlogged

I need some advice. My best friend called round this morning to tell me she has cancer. It is in her brain & lungs and there is no cure. I am so devastated she is never ill and is the only person apart from family i confided in about my drinking. I am feeling so weak right now so tempted to have a drink . Need some advise please i cant confide in anyone else she wants to keep her illness quite. xx

Betty126

Drinking will not help you or your friend, not one bit. It will ultimately make you feel worse, and make you less able to support your friend.

WiggleIn

You need to be there for her. Not even one drink. I never listen to people when they say things like that to me... I hope you do the next right thing. Coming out of a relapse will feel even worse than you do now.

I am terribly sorry to hear this, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I am sure there are others that have been through this (or similar) and can give you pointers... keep talking... try not to isolate. Glad you reached out.

dwtbd

So sorry to hear about your friend.
My AV( the part of my thinking that associates positives thoughts toward drinking) can be described as vicious and evil. "It" has one objective to get my hand to lift alcohol to my mouth, that is it , nothing else matters, once "It" achieves that first goal all hell breaks loose and "It" doesn't care , not one iota.
"It" is very manipulative "sadness requires soothing" "happiness requires celebration" ect... "It" recognizes opportunities that require alcohol consumption as the solution. "It" is so vile and uncaring as to see pain and suffering in others to get what "It" wants.
Drinking will not help either yourself or your friend, tell the AV "You " are not going to allow it a victory in the name of someone's suffering. Be strong for yourself and your friend.

Berrybean

That is very sad. I will light a candle for you and your friend in the cathedral tomorrow, and my thoughts and prayers are with you both.

The thing is though, drinking will not make this better or less sad. It will just likely end up in a relapse and mean that you are emotionally unavailable for your friend. If she confided in you, chances are that you can continue to help her through this by listening to her, holding her hand, hugging her, and crying with her. You do not need to 'be strong' or have any answers or explanations for her. You can just tell her that you don't know how to support her, but reassure her that you are willing to do what you can, and ask her what she'd like you to do.

One thing is for certain. I have some horrible regrets about the poeple whose illness I ran from, and who I did not support because I thought more about my own feelings than theirs, and hid myself away in alcohol. But I have never yet woken up in the morning and regretted NOT taking a drink.

If you are not getting support in your recovery, now might be a pertinent time to reach out. I would also recommend getting hold of a copy of the little AA book, Living Sober, as there are some very helpful chapters in there for challenging times such as these.

You feel sad for a very good reason. It is okay to feel it, and acknowledge it, but yiu dont have to react (by taking a drink or any other destructive action) as you may have done in the past. It is a feeling. I can't kill you (unlike alcohol). You can sit with it without having to drink, just as you would have to after the drink wore off anyway.

Berrybean

PS. You may well have already read this, but thought I'd pass it on anyway. Their advice and information is spot on... Someone I know has cancer - Understanding cancer - Macmillan Cancer Support

SoberLeigh

I am so very sorry, waterlogged; that is very tragic news, indeed.

Please stay sober for yourself and for your friend. Both of you will benefit from your sobriety; it will help get you through this most difficult and sad time.

dwtbd

You do need to Be Strong , in avoiding the temptation to consume alcohol. Giving in and becoming intoxicated will only sap whatever strength you may have to find ways to be supportive for your friend. Any aggression in my tone is solely directed 'at' the AV, wish You well

Soberwolf

My father was recently diagnosed with cancer were currently awaiting to find out if it's spread the last thing I could think of doing right now would be drinking in fact scrap that it's not on my radar know why ? I think you know if I drink I'm in a whole heap of other problems stuff that I've put to rest that I'm learning to be at peace with

is it easy ... no some days have been awful I've been off kilter my boat has rocked in the stormy seas so to speak but I stayed sober I could be needed at any moment whether it's apts phonecalls or babysitting as I am now because I'm sober I can get through this

I'm really really truly sorry I know this has shocked you but together with this forum we stay sober I'm not thinking of drinking there is a 5 year old shouting me up for my dinner but if you need to chat stick with us

tomsteve

im a cancer fighter and survivor. the last thing i would wanted or needed is my friends i confide in and turned to for support to pick up a drink when i wanted and needed them the most. i was in a relationship with a woman who decided she couldnt handle me getting cancer and drank and drugged. ill be honest when i say it pissed me off pretty good because thats when i needed sober minded support and she was full of self pity.

the best thing for you to do is surf the web and find out how you can be supportive.
drinking isnt being supportive and wont change anything.

lunar

I am a bad example, but was always told from wiser (than myself)
people that I would be of:
"NO GOOD USE TO ANYONE ESPECIALLY MYSELF".
Hard to fathom. Easy to become numb, instead, but at the end
what good does being numb do?
Helps no one in need, makes oneself (I speak for myself),
absolutely useless to function.

waterlogged

Thanks everyone for your wise words and support.
I think i am all cried out now. I have not had a drink just pigged out on chocolate. 15 months sober now i just thought about how proud my friend was when i told her about my recovery process and realised i would be hurting her as well as myself. xxx

SoberLeigh

Great post, waterlogged.

Prayers for you and your friend.

Dee74

I'm really sorry Waterlogged.

I lost one of my lifelong friends a few years back.

I'm really glad I stayed sober because, not only was I able to be there for my friends and his family, but - honestly - I have many great memories of that time.

My friend was inspirational - and still is to me

D

MIRecovery

Cancer is so horribly tragic. Not sure if it will help but you may want to search my posts for the word "daughter." You will read the story of sadness and victory. It is the story of my daughters death and my sobriety. Just to forewarn you. The posts are not all rainbows and unicorns but it does have a happy ending because I'm still sober.

Prayers going out to you, your friend and all that love her. Feel free to PM me if you think I may be able to help

fred59

way to go waterlogged SR is a great place for support and advice, and now to can be there for your friend sober.

sugarbear1

Sending you love and hugs

Anna

I'm very sorry Waterlogged. You can be the best friend you can be by staying sober and supporting your friend through this difficult time.

Pondlady

Waterlogged, I'm sorry about your dear friend's diagnosis. Having a friend you trust and can confide in, is a gift. Your friendship to her is also a gift, so try to offer her, your very best self.

Delilah1

Hi Waterlogged,

In so sorry to hear about your friend. I am really glad you stayed sober today. She is going to need lots of support as she comes to terms with her diagnosis. I am glad she has you.

I know we are a virtual community, but we are all here if you need anything.