It's Never Too Late Weekender July 22 Part 3
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
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Ditto what Marty said, Melina. Plus that food sounds really good. I haven't had collards in a while. Yum.
On the train reading the paper. Which I haven't done in eons. Exciting and depressing all at the same time.
On the train reading the paper. Which I haven't done in eons. Exciting and depressing all at the same time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by MesaMan 
<snip>
For Bim - who broke into a John Denver Song yesterday to celebrate her Sunburn - here's a fun Link below. It's set around Maroon Bells near Aspen/Snowmass. I linked other Pix because that area is a stunner. I was pretty close to there during my last Fishing Outing. As opposed to the 'old' Rockies, those Mountains are somewhat newer, and thus more 'Peak_y'.
<py snipperson>
The new Chest Freezer blasted down to -8 F [-22 C], so I tweaked the Temp Setting up a bit. It is rather expansive inside. Yesterday, MesaMate piped up and said: 'Boy, that would be a great place to hide a Body'! So, I slept kinda lightly last Night.
For Bim - who broke into a John Denver Song yesterday to celebrate her Sunburn - here's a fun Link below. It's set around Maroon Bells near Aspen/Snowmass. I linked other Pix because that area is a stunner. I was pretty close to there during my last Fishing Outing. As opposed to the 'old' Rockies, those Mountains are somewhat newer, and thus more 'Peak_y'.
<py snipperson>
The new Chest Freezer blasted down to -8 F [-22 C], so I tweaked the Temp Setting up a bit. It is rather expansive inside. Yesterday, MesaMate piped up and said: 'Boy, that would be a great place to hide a Body'! So, I slept kinda lightly last Night.
Also, I laughed at you sleeping with one eye open. I do that every night. I have two cats.
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
I gotta agree with ya, Mesa. My sobriety valuable and jeopardizing that is off limits. Sobriety is more important than social events that surround me. Now that I've moved it's been super easy to craft my own social sphere, but my first 2 years of sobriety were spent in the heart of the beast and I had to make tough calls. Friends going camping? Nope - been there, I know how that goes. College reunion with the ole' buddies at the big game next week? Thanks but no thanks. It's been hard here too - declining invites to intellectual expat dinners, social networking at bars, etc. I just skip those events, and I still continue to skip events where drinking is a featured player.
The way I see it, I've done all that stuff before. Why not try something new? Nobody is too old to change their habits, diets, thinking patterns, lifestyles or friendships. We often talk like Popeye: "I 'yam whatt I 'yam" but I think that kind of self talk only serves to shrink our world and limit our choices. Been sober 4+ years and I continue to enjoy discussing sobriety because my battle isn't over. This jigsaw puzzle never gets solved, but it certainly gets easier when you get all those corner pieces in place.
Anyhoo. Marty and SoberP, I know what you mean about just hangin' out on the porch and enjoying that peaceful time. I am almost excited to spend my lunch break on my patio tomorrow with an iced coffee - how crazy is that?
The way I see it, I've done all that stuff before. Why not try something new? Nobody is too old to change their habits, diets, thinking patterns, lifestyles or friendships. We often talk like Popeye: "I 'yam whatt I 'yam" but I think that kind of self talk only serves to shrink our world and limit our choices. Been sober 4+ years and I continue to enjoy discussing sobriety because my battle isn't over. This jigsaw puzzle never gets solved, but it certainly gets easier when you get all those corner pieces in place.
Anyhoo. Marty and SoberP, I know what you mean about just hangin' out on the porch and enjoying that peaceful time. I am almost excited to spend my lunch break on my patio tomorrow with an iced coffee - how crazy is that?
AAMOF, all of you are rocking those sober thoughts today!
Melina, that "ended up on my knees" thing is how I would describe the beginning of my current 29 months of sobriety. Only I was drunk/hungover when I "fell" out of bed in exasperation and desperation and landed on my knees. I took it as a sign and it's been a huge relief to have cried out and received strength and clarity. SoberSisterHugs.
MNL, When my Netflix goes out it's usually because my power is out - which happens all too often for a First World/Super Techie City. I actually have an ongoing plan for that in the autumn - when the storms roll in. Glad you survived!!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
I just typed up a long rant about my ongoing kidney stone issues, but decided not to post it. I am NOT going to let these things put me off my game, dammit!
Nons>>>
<<<kidney stones
Have a fantastic sober day, Y'all!
Nons>>>
<<<kidney stonesHave a fantastic sober day, Y'all!
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
OK gang - I've been suffering in silence, because you are all sick and tired of hearing about me not being able to make up my mind about men. But I'm miserable. I think I'm going to fly solo. Handyman is a great guy, but he wants to be all in, forever and ever. I can't do that. Not now in my life, maybe not ever. He's dragging me down. He wants to spend every spare moment together. I feel his hurt radiating when I say I need alone time. He says it's ok, but I can tell it's not. He's insecure. It feels like so much pressure. I'm going to have to talk to him soon, because he keeps saying he knows something is wrong. I thought I wanted this, that having a sober partner would be peachy, that he had changed from when we dated in the past. He's just wired differently from me, I guess. I used to be that way - so insecure that I needed a man around to make me feel ok. I'm just torn up inside over all this. I don't want to hurt him. So when Melina talked about praying this morning, it hit me hard. I need to let my higher power guide me on this one.
I feel better just getting that out. Thanks for listening.
I feel better just getting that out. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
MLD, that's why this thread exists - to get it out, whatever it is.
I've made a nice life for myself without a mate, and I've dated a few guys who are clingy. It's not a good look on anyone, and can be a red flag. You're doing great. You're listening to your own inner guidance.
I've made a nice life for myself without a mate, and I've dated a few guys who are clingy. It's not a good look on anyone, and can be a red flag. You're doing great. You're listening to your own inner guidance.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
I told him this morning we need to talk. There won't be a chance to do that until maybe Saturday. He's got a busy work week. We have talked about it some.
My instinct is to run away, but I need to slow that down. I tend to bolt when I get into these situations, without giving the other person a chance. Has to do with things that have happened in the past.
My instinct is to run away, but I need to slow that down. I tend to bolt when I get into these situations, without giving the other person a chance. Has to do with things that have happened in the past.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, I certainly understand bolt. Been there, done that more than once.
One Day at a Time.
I have relationships with a couple men right now that are not ideal, but they are nice guys for the most part. I don't have to marry them.
One Day at a Time.
I have relationships with a couple men right now that are not ideal, but they are nice guys for the most part. I don't have to marry them.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
I am only going to say this because I care and I have been there. I would hate to have you run from this guy and give the "guy friend" an easy pass back in. If you truly want to be alone then you should be BUT if deep down it is to stay available for the other one you should probably think about it a lot.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Originally Posted by Della1968
I am only going to say this because I care and I have been there. I would hate to have you run from this guy and give the "guy friend" an easy pass back in. If you truly want to be alone then you should be BUT if deep down it is to stay available for the other one you should probably think about it a lot.
But the guy friend has made it clear that in his mind, there's no going back. So if I do this, it won't be because I hope to go back to him.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Hugs, Marty. As we've noted before, the path between the head and the heart is a rocky one.
Della's a sharp cookie. Guy friend's behavior in recent weeks has been disconcerting. The barrage of texts seemed designed, consciously or not, to pummel you into submission. Topped with promises that things were now promising because "in his head" he was committed. I hope this doesn't send you back to him. I'm a little concerned there.
When everything in both the head and heart is telling us something isn't right, something isn't there, then it's time to listen.
Being alone isn't easy. It's not what I would prefer. But the one thing that's worse -- and I've been there, too -- is a relationship where we don't feel built up, but minimized or smothered.
The hard thing about being alone is that we don't know what comes next. The worse thing about being in relationships where we're unhappy is knowing what comes next: more of the same. From our past.
Living with "don't knows" isn't easy, either. But there may be someone new out there, Marty.
You deserve something great. For a while, anyway, that something great may be you.
Della's a sharp cookie. Guy friend's behavior in recent weeks has been disconcerting. The barrage of texts seemed designed, consciously or not, to pummel you into submission. Topped with promises that things were now promising because "in his head" he was committed. I hope this doesn't send you back to him. I'm a little concerned there.
When everything in both the head and heart is telling us something isn't right, something isn't there, then it's time to listen.
Being alone isn't easy. It's not what I would prefer. But the one thing that's worse -- and I've been there, too -- is a relationship where we don't feel built up, but minimized or smothered.
The hard thing about being alone is that we don't know what comes next. The worse thing about being in relationships where we're unhappy is knowing what comes next: more of the same. From our past.
Living with "don't knows" isn't easy, either. But there may be someone new out there, Marty.
You deserve something great. For a while, anyway, that something great may be you.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Good morning eveyone!
marty.....for me, I still need time alone to figure out what I want in life and to get to know myself. I've spent my entire life in relationships due to fear of being alone. Now I realize that it's ok...if I do ever have another relationship, it will be with someone who has their own life and respects independance. Two whole people coming together rather than two halves. No more being smothered and losing myself in a relationship. Sometimes being alone to figure it out is essential.
Ok...I better get moving. ..just had a nice walk with the doggies but it's getting hot already.
Mesa...good luck with that swamp cooler! !
marty.....for me, I still need time alone to figure out what I want in life and to get to know myself. I've spent my entire life in relationships due to fear of being alone. Now I realize that it's ok...if I do ever have another relationship, it will be with someone who has their own life and respects independance. Two whole people coming together rather than two halves. No more being smothered and losing myself in a relationship. Sometimes being alone to figure it out is essential.
Ok...I better get moving. ..just had a nice walk with the doggies but it's getting hot already.
Mesa...good luck with that swamp cooler! !
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Marty. I totally understand your quandary. This is something best addressed sooner, than later, before you bottle it all in and explode at some point. Not an easy situation and I'm sorry you're stressed out about it. Being smothered is awful. All the conflicting feelings you must be having.
Maybe it's just the weather. I'm feeling down too this morning. First day in the new job shift. It's so QUIET around here in the morning. I was also reminiscing about taking the train in with my mom and a friend in the mornings and talking and laughing and now they're both retired. And I feel like I'll never be able to retire. Ever.
Maybe it's just the weather. I'm feeling down too this morning. First day in the new job shift. It's so QUIET around here in the morning. I was also reminiscing about taking the train in with my mom and a friend in the mornings and talking and laughing and now they're both retired. And I feel like I'll never be able to retire. Ever.
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