notgonnastoptry

So, due to insurance reasons, I am in an IOP that has a sliding scale. Most of the people in my group are court mandated.

That's fine--I'm self-referred and share the basic problem--addiction. But, it is not going well. Half the time is spent talking about things not relevant to recovery. Today, people went on a tangent about old school cell phones (the counselor participated in the discussion and admits she's not overjoyed to be there--of course, but whatever). Then, there was a fire drill. This was a time-waster for me, but many of the people in my group loved it and begged not to return to group (they hoped it would be longer). There is a ton of swearing. I swear just as much as the next guy, but I wouldn't take it upon myself to declare, "This f- s- is all f-ed up".
We didn't really do anything today. We went over a worksheet, but most didn't speak and the questions were not very thought provoking. The counselor was happy to graze through it so we could get back to speaking about tangents. Cigarettes came up. That's fine--I don't smoke, but I understand that the program is not tailored to me. That led to a 20 minute discussion about how the price of cigs has gone up and how certain people leave the county to get some. Everyone wanted in on these inane discussions but no one answered the one or two questions aimed at helping us in recovery.

It reminded me of my times at AA. Same thing--just a place to share mindless tales, not related to much.

I'm sorry. I probably sound like a snob. I want my time to count. I just don't know what to do. I don't have any cravings, I'm not worried about relapsing (at this moment and haven't been) but I can't waste my time with AA or this particular IOP. Is there something else?

I came home with a sheet that has doodling all over it. Everytime the group started talking about something else, I'd just look down at my paper, hoping the teacher got the hint that it wasn't the time and the place. To be clear, none of the extended sharing was relevant to the topic at hand (if there was a topic?!). I wouldn't care if the stories were long and filled with irrelevant detail if they were remotely connected to what we are supposed to be doing.

Della1968

I got a lot out of IOP once I looked for the similarities with people instead of the differences. I was a 47 year old alcoholic in with a bunch of 20 year old heroin addicts and I grew to love them all. More importantly I learned something from every single person there.

Anna

There are many ways to get sober and to recover. Take a look at the ideas in this Sticky and hopefully you will find something that works for you:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

notgonnastoptry

Thanks, all.

As I mentioned, I don't care that they are quite different. That's fine. We all have one common denominator--that's what I stated above. I just don't like the constant wasted time. Over half the session was spent chatting about things that had nothing to do with anything (clothing, music, etc.). It was like a social club. Several times I thought I should get up and leave but I can't for insurance purposes (I must get a certificate of completion). I'm thinking about cutting my losses and just paying for the 4 drops, the intake, and the few days I've been there.

Berrybean

So sorry the IOP isn't working out. How utterly disappointing. And it's nothing to do with snobbery, it's about wanting to engage in a program of recovery and others treating it like a joke. I'm so pleased that you're still sober and not feeling in danger of relapse.

In my experience not all AA meetings are the same, so it might be worth looking for some meetings that are more recovery focussed. Big Book Study meetings or 12 & 12 Study meetings tend to be reliably focussed in my experience. (I do know what you mean about some meetings going off on a tangent though as there are a few general share meetings that I avoid for the same reason). If you could find a meeting where there is good solid sobriety and fellowship, and find a sponsor to get you going on your step work then you'd have your own daily recovery work to keep you focussed outside of meetings as well. I find that when the program works best for me it's when I do the work myself outside of meetings (although I do go to meetings and do service as part of my step 12 as well).

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

Weasel1966

Hey Notgonna... I have been to three and they are all a little different. But the place was professional and kept things where I felt they should be. There was dicipline. I don't think you are a snob. You want help and that does not sound like the place for you. Consider changing the venue as that's not normal. They sound sub par to deal with the realities of addiction.

I think you are awesome for seeing this and demanding better care for yourself. Focus that energy to want better in every way you can. You have the sound in your post of someone who will make sobriety work for themselves.

K

Soberwolf

When I done Outpatient it was 3-4 days pw there was around 2-3 of us myself Inc self referred like yourself I saw the court mandated laughing not taking it seriously

Don't focus on them I got tons out of it and don't deny yourself the help

FormerWineGirl

It seems like the issue is the counselor just going through the motions. He/she is probably on auto pilot with court-mandated people who doesn't want to be there. Would it be possible to speak with the counselor just to let them know that you are looking to get something from it?

notgonnastoptry

Thanks for reading and give advice, all.

Sober: Yes, that's the problem. The court mandated people think it's a joke, are annoyed at all get out that they are there. One man was complaining about his bill (and invoked every word in the book to describe it). He's mandated. You'd think if that was the case, he would try to make the best of his time. (As an aside, I got a "scholarship" at intake (that'll go on my C.V. , but that's not going to apply if I drop out--I'll be out close to 500 because I have no backup insurance right now).

Much of the time was wasted, as I've mentioned, and everyone, including the counselor reveled in taking part of the discussion that had nothing to do with anything. Yes, she was going through the motions. She was sweet and pretty young. Maybe she's burnt out? She didn't seem to lack control--she was simply part-of. Out of three hours, there was probably about 30 minutes of interspersed serious discussion. The mainstay of the discussion, though, was other things. Most are vocal about not wanting to be there. Interestingly, the 16 year old child who was very introverted seemed annoyed by these loud, rambling, and belly-laughter discussions.

FWG: I'm not good at confrontation unless I really have to be. Then, I am excellent at it. I don't want to get her in trouble and I doubt one squeaky wheel will be enough to change the dynamic.

At first I thought we'd be changing teachers, but it turns out this is not the case.

Also, I noticed that a lot of people were mandated for maryjane. I hope this isn't a trigger for anyone, but I couldn't help thinking, "WTF"? Maybe I'm naive, but it seems unfair that these people (many who are obviously in poverty) are thrown in the slammer and then prosecuted (and then will clog up the system) for a drug that is legal now in many states and seems pretty innocuous. Note: I say this willing to be corrected. I'm sure I'm just not understanding what is going on.

tomsteve

"I say this willing to be corrected. I'm sure I'm just not understanding what is going on."

doesnt matter if its legal in other states. if its illegal in the state ya live in, then theres consequences. and the consequences arent as bad as other countries.

in short, its illegal.period.
people in poverty can afford to buy pot?

notgonnastoptry

I have no idea. They mentioned they spent all their money on weed. Someone is there fulfilling DCFS requirements (and she mentioned it in this context). She also mentioned others ways that people acquire it by trading favors, so to speak. Like I said, much of the conversation was way off track. I'll give it one more day.

MIRecovery

I've gone through 2 IOPs and been to at least 1000 AA meetings. Both IOPs were great and I never have been to an AA meeting like you described. There is excellent help out there. I would try other places and meetings. If everywhere you go you don't like the thier method the problem may not be the venue

notgonnastoptry

To be fair, I've only been to two IOPs (the last one was short and I grew into it). But nah, it's not the venue. Admittedly, I've tried only 3 AA meetings. At the first one, I was given a sponsor who was newly sober (one month) and at the next two, there was a lot of off-topic story telling. I am willing to give AA another try and have been looking this evening.

In regards to my current IOP, the forum (not so much the venue) is problematic. Extended discussions on people's predilections for tattoos, where to get them, etc., is, indeed, reflective of a failed forum. I guess I'm coming off as an elitist but I'm in this to get real help during three designated hours, not socialize about things completely irrelevant to our addictions (unless we decide to gtg after class).

In some ways, I feel like we just pass the time so those who are in need of a stamp of approval can get one. We actually had a 20 minute interlude where people came up to a large calendar on the wall and recorded the number of days they'd fulfilled. This was at the counselor's behest. That was also irritating. Adults should keep track of their days on their own or maybe stop at the calendar after class. It shouldn't be an in-class activity unless it were a point of discussion.

IvanMike

I liked my IOP a lot better after it was done. My perspective had changed.

I've never been to an NA meeting like you described, nor an AA one. Sure, some are a lot better than others. Keep trying.


I've found out that what other people do has absolutely nothing to do with my recovery. Likewise, when I'm finding that everyone at all the meetings I'm going to are a bunch of idiots, it's not them, it's me.

leviathan

Hey man. Ive been there. I feel you.

You ARE being underserved, and its a shame. I attended a mandated rehab much like you describe. Learned all kinds of jail-house schemes, ways to beat urine tests, how to "spin up a batch" of speed...Blah... infuriating for someone actually ready. I felt like "I came in here on my knees in total surrender for THIS?!?"

I also went to another rehabilitation on my own dime. The counselors repeatedly brought the conversation back to the important issues and strategies.

The real difference between the two was that the second situation was one where the consumer was in control. (yet another option not available for poor people).

Sounds like you're trapped. Get a hold of a good recovery book full of strategies. When you walk into group, tell the counselor not to be offended, but you are going to read it when she allows her session to go adrift.

These situations give the whole industry a bad rep. AA is free, so no one has a right to complain. People making money need ti earn it though.

notgonnastoptry

So even when the whole session is thrown off track and there's little to no service provided, it has nothing to do with sitting through 2.5 hours of nothing? You are right--their conduct and the counselors apathy had nothing to do with my recovery (and I mean this quite differently than you do). But hey, I learned (during group) how one would go about taking their babies footprints to a tatt artist and have them transferred into the skin. If I had been paying attention, I could have gotten the artist's name as it was dictated in class.

I'm not above being an idiot, but I can assure you, this was on them; it isn't a personality tick.

notgonnastoptry

Thanks. Yes, I need to find out how to extract myself from the conditions of the scholarship before I'm unhonorably discharged after three absences.

Sorry about all the mistakes above; I'm on my phone. Thanks for the good advice. I'm going to go tomorrow, attend, and see how much I owe out of pocket.

Soberwolf

I hear you bud

MIRecovery

Try another IOP and meetings there is good recovery out there.

tomsteve

took years of drinking to finally see ya have a problem but only 3 aa meetings and havent read the big book and already aa doesnt work.
you dont sound like a snob, just like ya want recovery on your terms?

how about doing 90 meetings in 90 days, read the big book, work the steps.
then after 90 days if ya dont like it, leave?