newhope01

I can't, it's one of my core beliefs. But I do appreciate everyone's input as I do read your comments, over and over again.

I do take them to heart.

Dee74

I wasn't trying to be funny or flippant

I was like that too. I believed I didn't deserve kindness or compassion from others, & least of all from myself.

Core beliefs can be changed

D

newhope01

How? And I'm not trying to be flippant.

Dee74

for me?

with time and patience

I'll try and keep it brief.

I had a little counselling help in the beginning, but mainly simply staying sober forced me to deal with problems and find solutions.

That helped me feel better about myself.

I also did a lot of volunteering. That made me feel purposeful and gave my life a little meaning, which was something I really needed back then.

It helped my self esteem as well. However small, I could see I was making a difference.

It took months not weeks, but I began to see that I wasn't the bad person I thought I was or the bad person people had always told me I was.

Little by little I shed that skin and emerged as the man I wanted to be

I couldn't have done that while I was drinking because drinking was a default vote for THE status quo.

Nothing got solved, no growth started, and no positive changes occurred when I was drinking.

D

Dame

I'm sorry I misunderstood, newhope.

I'm still learning how to communicate with people effectively because I over-write and tend to go on a bit much (and probably make assumptions I shouldn't). Thanks for helping me to be more sensitive to others.

You sound purposeful and strong. You are an inspiration

fini

give yourself a break, newhope.
what i mean is: don't criticize yourself for feeling the jumbled stuff about the house, what was done to you, and why you felt you needed/wanted to drive by there and "see".
after i had been sober a bit, something from the past hit me again in a seemingly fresh and stabbing way. i remember sitting there, crying, wondering if i had to relive all my past pain in a new and immediate way. and how would i ever survive that?

well, it didn't happen. the longer i was sober, the more doable became the "just sitting with it", no matter what "it" was/is.

chances are good the "space" you're in about the past will change. esp. with help from a therapist and ongoing sobriety and adding so-called tools.

one of them is compassion. for yourself, now and then.