TXStrong

I hit rock bottom a few weeks ago. Not my husbands rock bottom for me but my own rock bottom. It wasn't pretty and was hands down the worst week of my life. The funny thing is it really wasn't brought on by anything. My husband and I didn't argue about my drinking, it just hit me like a brick wall in the middle of the night. I was so deep I literately could not see even a speck of light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't know how I was going to survive this guilt and hatred I had for myself. But I did I survived and for 10 amazing days I didn't have a craving, want or wish to drink. If fact you would have had better luck feeding me rat poison then offering me a drink. I was that strong. But this weekend before coming home I drank. I justified it by telling myself it was okay because I wasn't doing it in front of my daughters and I wasn't drinking 1-2 bottles...just a few glasses to clear my head and have "me time". But I woke up this morning with extreme guilt. How could I allow myself to give in? I can not allow myself to go down this road again, so I decided to log in and share my story in hopes that others have one similar. I refuse to not learn from my mistakes, I have to be stronger than a beverage....

Thanks For Reading And Please Feel Free To Comment.

Soberwolf

Have you got a plan ?

ScottFromWI

Welcome back TX. We "let ourselves drink" even after horrible things happen because we are addicts/alcholics. There is no answer to "why" we are addicts either, we just are. Accepting that fact and forming a solid recovery plan/network to lean on is key to attaining true sobriety. It's especially important early on because there will always be the "next time" that cravings/urges pop up...and as you just realized, we aren't always strong enough to resist them on our own. We need a network of people ( SR is one ) that we can call on at any moment to help us through. Local support like AA/NA with meetings and numbers to call can also be very beneficial.

IronPhoenix

Welcome TX -

Like Sober Wolf indicated...you need a plan that you can lean on in those situations where your AV pipes up....and it will pipe up. As cliche as it sounds, that is why I consider this journey one day at a time. Because as soon as you get complacent and let your guard down, your AV will start to whisper and talk you into "me time".

You are most definitely stronger than the drink. You need to get a plan together and reach deep down inside and want it like nothing else.

Berrybean

Glad you're back and ready to start afresh. I hope this desire to clamor out from your rock bottom brings with it a state of acceptance and willingness which will enable you to devise and engage in a program of recovery that will make sobriety comfortable, sustainable, and preferable to drinking in the long term.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery.

TXStrong

I think you are all right, how do I go about making a plan for myself? I know I have to look at it as a one day at a time battle but do you have any suggestions?

Berrybean

Well, as it so happens... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-2.html

TXStrong

WOW!! How amazing to have these tools and the want in my heart to finally use them. Thank You So Much! I'm going to go through all those links!

Hevyn

You sound positive and ready, TX. There's no doubt you can do it this time. Let's go.