Rupert

Aaaaand I'm back. Successfully quit for a few months then fell back into the same old routine. I have never felt so depressed before. I feel like this is hopeless. I was drunk more or less for a week straight and it finally ended with me having suicidal thoughts, punching holes in walls, and crying uncontrollably. I don't know what to do anymore.

Soberwolf

Stick with us Rupert join the class of July in this section & have you thought about having a plan

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-18.html

Garden Girl

I am right next to on day one again. We can do this! Sending love and hugs your way.

red3215

I think most of us can relate to that feeling of hopelessness after relapse. What can you do differently now? And what were you doing to keep yourself sober when it worked?

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Rupert. What have yon tried in the past to stay sober? Something must have worked for a while, right?

ZenLifter

You were sober for a few months, so you know it CAN be done. Forgive yourself the relapse and start over. I relapsed many times before finally quitting for good. Think of what you can do differently this time so it doesn't happen again. AA? Smart Recovery?

AdelineRose

Welcome back, I know sobriety can be daunting and seem impossible at first, but if you create a strong sober support system, pick a recovery program that fits you as a person, and actively work on creating a solid recovery it is possible, I promise you. Do you have a recovery plan? Maybe it would help to look at what you did last time you were sober and analyze what you think it was lacking and spot the weak spots and fix them so this time around you don't fall into the same spots.

Have you considered counseling? I have found counseling to be extremely helpful in over coming depression and anxiety. You might also benefit from getting a full psychological examination and speak with a psychiatrist that can decide if there are any medications that would help you with your depression and anxiety.

You can do this! Don't give up on yourself- you are worth it and you can do it! I know it takes a lot of work to create a strong and solid recovery but it is worth the effort, I promise you.

Dee74

Welcome back Rupert

I'm going to be straight with you - the only way this is hopeless is if you do the same things this time you did last time, then lose your way again.

do something different this time. Maybe it's more changes made, maybe it's more support....maybe it's using that support consistently and effectively...but you can do this

Check out soberwolf's links - they're a great starting point
D

courage2

Hi rupert -- I just want send my best wishes & hope! You really never have to feel this way again. With patience, perseverance, and the determination of true desire to quit for good, you can do it!

What's your first step -- today?

least

It's only hopeless if you lose hope. Do you want to be sober more than you want to drink? That's the key for staying sober.

thomas11

Nice to meet your Rupert, I see you joined in 2010 so this has been an issue for awhile, correct? The only thing I can really add is that I hope you find something that works for you long term. Being drunk and punching holes in walls is not a good way to go through life. I'm sure you already know that. Wish you the best.

Hawkeye13

Glad you are back Rupert--
I do think changing what you did that wasn't helpful,
and doing just one thing today that helped before,
would be a good start.

Lots of us had to try many times to quit for good.
Just don't stop trying, adjusting, trying again and you will succeed.

Wishing you some peace--post often and when cravings hit
and we can help.

Rupert

Thanks for all the responses, guys. It means a lot to me. I saw a doctor today, they gave me some valium to get through the next few days. Other than that, I think I may try AA again, even though I find most of it pretty depressing. I am going to a meeting in an hour though. My problem is all of my friends are regular drinkers. They are all supportive of me and understand my issues, but when they get drunk, they still end up offering me alcohol. Not trying to blame anybody but myself, but the idea of isolating myself from everyone I care about is a scary thought. I have had depression and anxiety for years now and I know the alcohol is making it so much worse. I just can't believe I actually got to the point where I was seriously considering ending my life. That is so horrifying. Anyways, I'm rambling, but thanks again everyone.

madgirl

Oh God I understand. One morning toward the end of my drinking, I woke up (on the couch) and on my laptop, saw that I had been googling where to buy a gun (suicidal thoughts) - I was so horrified I resolved to get sober.

All I can remember of that night is that I was crying alot and my family was asleep. I have dealt with depression in early sobriety too but it is getting better. Im at four months.

Removing alcohol from your life is a great decision to alleviate depression.

REsoberALITY

Welcome back. You can do this..... Wishes of strength and patience for you tonight.

Delilah1

Welcome back Rupert!!

You definitely can do this. I am glad you saw your doctor today. Spend some time checking out the links posted above. It took me awhile to finally get this right , and I am getting close to seven months. SR has been my biggest support, but I was willing to do whatever was needed to remain sober this time .

Life still continues to throw curve balls, but I have been handling them sober.

Keep checking in!!!

lovetolisten

I am sorry you are down. Time heals, and if you don't drink again you don't have to feel this way again. I couldn't really bear the anxiety and self-loathing that resulted from binging anymore. I am really "new" too, so I fear falling back into it. I had suicidal thoughts too when I was drunk. I always thought that if I intentionally hurt or killed myself when drunk, it would be incredibly sad because in the sober light of day, I am not the least bit suicidal. Alcohol is a dangerous poison that can turn us into a really bad version of ourselves

cairn

Hi Rupert, you might just be alcoholic? In which case all the careful life plans may fail to pan out so far as booze cures go. AA does not recommend isolating ones self from anyone - quite the opposite. Also, in my own personally warped view, if taken seriously, it actually about amounts to an adequate form of suicide, with a surprise ending. Not for the faint of heart! Normally more suited to 'last gaspers' too, maybe...dunno. Big searching look at how we been living life, willingness to try a whole different basis...seems to be working for others, seems to have magically quelled my impossible compulsion to drink too...for now lol...there are plenty who swear against it too tho. To each his own!