Fernaceman

So my MO seems to be dishonesty...

I've been in recovery before, and continue to try...I've never stopped going to meetings or working with a sponsor and talking to newcomers...

But the harsh truth is my MO is to be dishonest about what's really going on...and that's that I've been using, without telling anyone, until two days ago that is.

I have so many blessings in my life that I don't deserve, yet I am still graced with, despite my flaws. I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to be stressed. I just want to be happy and content.

Unfortunately, the diseased part of my brain thinks that can happen while under the influence of intoxicants. It wants the quick fix...I know it doesn't work long-term, yet I fell victim to the delusion that it will.

I am definitely "Jim" from the Big Book that thinks placing his whiskey in milk will somehow change the outcome that he's putting booze in his body.

Super crazy...baffling indeed...Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization sums it up.

BUT, that's the past...I can't change it. I'm on day 4 and I've gotten honest. I just hope and pray that I can continue to be honest. That's all I want.

I know serenity is just around the corner, so long as I do the right things. I just so badly want to get there again.

Thanks for listening.

doggonecarl

Hope this embracing of honesty leads to long-term recovery.

Anna

Yes, you can change it and good for you for being on Day 4.

Being honest with yourself is a big step forward.

Winslow

I think it's a lot of addicts MO,we lie to ourselves and others until we're ready to get clean,why lie though? Can't get clean if we're lying right?

MidnightBlue

Hi, Fernaceman!

I am not sure (well, I have no idea) what is MO, but glad you are back.

Seeing you posting stirred so many memories in me - I remember you from my early recovery days. Feels like it's been ages ago.

You are honest now. Often It takes time to face the naked truth.

We are here for support!

tomsteve

was wonderin the other day where you've been.
glad ya made it back when many don't!

Opivotal

Fernaceman, I'm glad you came clean with yourself.

To me, that's a sign of growth. I needed a clear conscience to achieve any kind of continued sobriety.

You can do this, I believe in you.

Pixus

Good to see you here! Being honest with yourself is the first step, I lived a lie inside my head for too long. Being honest and admitting I had a problem just felt like such a weakness. I decided it was just a label and labels destroy your sense of self. But they don't, they just give you something to work with. My son is labelled with 'global developmental delay' which just means he now has access to all these services and supports designed to help with his issues. I fought against that label for my boy at first, but then I realised I was holding him back from the help he needed. Alcoholics are no different in that regard.


MO means 'modus operandi' which means the particular way you do things, your method etc

Fernaceman

Holy cow am I emotional these past few days.

Got "da feelz" back...and it's great....! I'm finding myself choking up about everything.

sugarbear1

Good to see you, Fern! Congrats on day 4!!!! Keep moving forward! Honesty, open-mindedness and willingness help immensely!

soberclover

Fernaceman......so awesome to see you! Totally remember your previous posts when I first joined SR. I've been also thinking a lot about honesty. As part of the whole Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness "thing".

I've recently started attending AA meetings as I'm thinking I need the fellowship to be a component of my recovery. I think as we walk the recovery path, we learn what we need to do and need not do. Glad you have had an awakening.

Dee74

Welcome back man

D

Delilah1

Welcome back Fernaceman!!! You were one of my inspirations when I first joined SR. I came back January 1st after many failed attempts at moderation and brief periods of sobriety.

I'm looking forward to seeing you on here again!

❤️ Delilah