Oswin

I'm definitely going to give yoga a try. My neck and back spasm pains have got a lot better but still feel absolutely shattered.

Was tempted to have a glass of wine last night after my shift was finished but made a coffee and watched 28 weeks later. Not sure that's the best film to watch when your feeling a bit low. But made my life seem a hell of a lot better!

Working at midday until 8 pm. Then have a child free night. Have agreed to go on DH's new motorbike, haven't been on one ever and the idea fills me with dread so doing a little rain dance at the moment so can't go. I've agreed to do it as I won't know until I try, kind of a big deal for me as this sort of thing I usually run a mile from.

Soberwolf

Good job not drinking

Berrybean

I'm presuming you've already seen this, but thought it wouldn't hurt to send it anyway, just in case...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-2.html

Oswin

Thanks for this. I've just sat and made out a plan. First time I've ever done one. I will have a look at this list and make sure I haven't missed anything. Feel good that I've done it.

Hawkeye13

great steps and congrats on your continued sobriety Oswin!

Oswin

First time ever on a motorbike yesterday. Which for me is a big deal. I'm usually nervous and worried I stick to what I know Apart from when I drink I become confident and my worry filter switches off. Probably one of the reasons I started drinking in the first place.

I've decided to try and push myself without alcohol. To be fair my husband was driving the bike and he was careful. But I enjoyed it and it was out of my comfort zone.

I was buzzing after and did want a drink but I didn't listen to my AV again and have reached day 10. I slept really well last night without taking the medication I have to stop my brain racing with anxiety and helps me sleep. So a natural nights sleep first time in a long while.

Dee74

I'm glad you enjoyed the ride, but stayed sober Oswin - great stuff

D

Soberwolf

Excellent making a plan Oswin

Oswin

Feeling a bit down, been reading my old posts from 2014 and 2015 and I was saying much the same things as I'm saying now and I failed. How do I stop it being the same story again.

I feel determined but I obviously did before.

Written a plan, writing a journal and enjoying my running. Those are all things I didn't do last time.

Probably done me good to look back though try not to get complacent as I obviously did before. Sorry just waffling on really....

WiggleIn

Yeah, I'm not sure what to tell you, other than I feel you.

A sponsor once told me this is like an experiment, finding out what works. Examine and adjust. Add and subtract.

...but I was adding and adding and adding until I was completely overwhelmed and my life revolved entirely around trying to not drink so therefore alcohol was constantly on my mind. I broke.

Take that with a grain of salt though. Just my personal experience. I'm only two days in right now. Ha. I am sure there is a formula, just stripping it way back and keeping it simple right now.

Stay positive. Stick to your plan. Make sure you have a plan for when your addiction takes over your mind and you do what it says because it feels like the only thing you can do. Or is that just me that that happens to?

KeyofC

Positivity is a must. You sound defeated before you've even started. Change the thinking to change the life. Keep on!

firstymer

I am really excited about the work you have put into your recovery, Oswin.

I have a good feeling about this. Keep up the good work!

KeyofC

PS don't be so down on yourself. We all make mistakes. Brush off, go again. You only loose if you quit trying.
Forward march!
"Look back don't stare" recognize your past for what it is, behind you. Learn and move on.

Soberwolf

Your not waffling but please don't be so hard on yourself some people take years it happens when it's meant to that I believe

If you 100% want to stop drinking 100% stop drinking no if buts or maybes do what it takes its the best choice I ever made

Oswin

Thanks for all your support. I just felt a bit like I was fighting a losing battle but I am determined to keep going.

Find it hard as my husband, dad, brother and my best friends all drink a lot. So don't feel I have many people around me that understand giving up. My DH is supporting when sober but not so much after a drink. I'm very grateful to you all on SR as at least you understand.

Berrybean

Sounds very similar to my partner of 25 years.

It makes a big difference to me when I check in here daily, and also make time to surround myself with other poeple in recovery and friends who are happy to not drink and do non-drinking fun things.

KeyofC

Listen, my husband and his whole family are heavy drinkers. Now my husband did try to not drink around me for the first little while. I had to stay away until I felt like I could handle being around it. You can't just cave being around people that drink. A million times my mother in law asked me if I wanted a beer and every time I'd just say no thank you. That's another thing, if you're asked just say no. No need to explain but some people will push you to explain. I was brutally honest once I completely admitted and accepted the fact that I was powerless when it came to alcohol. Many people just say they didn't feel like drinking or something like that.
There are no excuses big enough to stop you from not drinking. If you want to stop the cycle, stop picking it up. It's hard, it'll suck, it'll feel so foreign to you as you go through the changes in your life and inside yourself. I'm like Wolf, by far it's the best decision I've ever made. A year later, drinking doesn't bother me. I know I don't have any desire to have it. Most people are blooming idiots after the first drink is done. I'm a smart girl and I want to shine! My husband drinks but he's better with it since I don't. Friends and family drink their guts out still. I hang for a while, then I leave. Have a plan and have an escape plan in times of need. You can do this!

Oswin

Thanks it's good to know you know where I'm coming from. I think I'm going to just be honest this time. It's pretty obvious I am out of control when I drink and they have all been around me to see it. I won't give in just because they are drinking but I find it hard to cope with them being drunk. Starts really irritating me, which is ironic really.

I know I need to adjust and learn how to deal with it all.

KeyofC

Honestly, to most people, they most likely know you have a problem with it. They may not voice it to you, but most of the time it's real obvious, the ones who have a problem. Some people tell me, really I didn't know you had a problem. My Dad even said he didn't realize I had a problem and my step-Mom said, Oh come on! You had to see it. He's in denial. I finally told him to get real, it was obvious to everyone. Don't sugar coat it to save my feelings. That type of thing..
Yes, people who drink past the point that they shouldn't, tend to get on my last nerve quick. I don't tolerate it well. But I know that I can't and shouldn't take their personal inventory so that's why I say to always, always have a plan and an escape plan. Weddings, birthday parties, dinners, whatever it may be. There will be a time when you just need out. Make sure you have a way out...(example) drive yourself to the reception (people are getting crazier and drinking a lot) and you just got a text from a friend or family member that needs a ride their car broke down....something believable, something that needs to happen and you have to leave right now.
You don't always have to explain yourself completely. For a while if you need to and if people even ask, just tell people you are just trying to drink less or you just haven't felt like you wanted to drink. Most people didn't ask, but I got to where I would inject my real reason why I wasn't drinking. That comes along with how well you accept the fact you can't control it. When it finally clicked that I couldn't control it at all and I surrendered completely to it, it when things started to shake and move for me. Whether someone is in AA or not, it's the one thing I truly believe must happen in order to move forward positively...accept and surrender.

You will learn your own tools and your own plans...just don't give up! you only lose if you stop trying.

Oswin

Thanks I won't give up, I really want to succeed this time. I think I'm a better person and definitely a better mum sober. I'm a quiter person sober I think before I speak and I'm happy in my own company. I don't want to go back to the noise of drinking, the paranoia and anxiety of hangovers. No matter how much I may crave one or desire that first buzz of a drink it's not worth it. I really appreciate SR and the health and support I get from you guys.