Thanks Dee74, i feel like i've acknowledged it and accepted it but not quite fully yet. I am trying really hard to wrap my head around it and i think i'm coming close. I would be lying if I said I, at this exact moment, I can make that commitment right now. It is, however what I want and what i hope to have soon. I'm working at building up my supports that I need (therapy, working out, trying to be more open socially, playing my guitar, dancing and being more creative which is in my nature).
It's so hard though. I never thought any kind of support group would work but I feel really hopeful about SR so I'll keep checking in and gather more inspiration from here. Thanks again