At my lowest point now... ready to change
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 19
At my lowest point now... ready to change
I feel terrible today because I'm hungover. My heart is palpitating. My liver is screamingly painful. There's definitely something going on with my kidneys. I want this to be the last hangover I ever have.
I am a 36 year old married woman and I have been a binge drinker since age 22. I don't drink every day... but when I do drink, I drink like a fish and for days on end. When I was 32 I successfully quit alcohol for an entire year and a half. At the time, I was in a job I loved in a wonderful city and everything was coming up roses. There was an AA group that met every day that helped me and a good doctor that never judged me but helped me see what I was doing to my body.
But recently we've moved to a new city for my husband's job and everything here is TERRIBLE. My job makes me want to cry all the time and I have a toxic boss. I can't seem to make friends and I am so lonely. Recently my husband went out of town for three weeks... and I spent most of those three weeks on a bender and boy my body is paying for it....
I know the solution is to stop drinking and find things about my new city that I like and do things that are good for me. I suppose I am here because I need support and I am going to start posting in the threads to remind myself that I quit once and can do it again. I hate alcohol, I hate alcohol but it makes me feel so good... and then bad... it's like Lucy and Charlie Brown with the football. I don't want to die and I know if I continue like this I will die.
I just need help again and feel like a waste of a human being.
I am a 36 year old married woman and I have been a binge drinker since age 22. I don't drink every day... but when I do drink, I drink like a fish and for days on end. When I was 32 I successfully quit alcohol for an entire year and a half. At the time, I was in a job I loved in a wonderful city and everything was coming up roses. There was an AA group that met every day that helped me and a good doctor that never judged me but helped me see what I was doing to my body.
But recently we've moved to a new city for my husband's job and everything here is TERRIBLE. My job makes me want to cry all the time and I have a toxic boss. I can't seem to make friends and I am so lonely. Recently my husband went out of town for three weeks... and I spent most of those three weeks on a bender and boy my body is paying for it....
I know the solution is to stop drinking and find things about my new city that I like and do things that are good for me. I suppose I am here because I need support and I am going to start posting in the threads to remind myself that I quit once and can do it again. I hate alcohol, I hate alcohol but it makes me feel so good... and then bad... it's like Lucy and Charlie Brown with the football. I don't want to die and I know if I continue like this I will die.
I just need help again and feel like a waste of a human being.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR madzmartigan. You'll find a lot of support and those who understand here. It's never too late to quit and you have a full, long life ahead of you, don't give up!
If you had success with AA in your old home, why not find a meeting today? The people and promise of what AA can do exists no matter where you live, give your local chapter a call or check the web for meeting times and locations.
Don't rule out seeing a new doctor - you could even call your old doctor and see if he/she has any recommendations in your new location.
If you had success with AA in your old home, why not find a meeting today? The people and promise of what AA can do exists no matter where you live, give your local chapter a call or check the web for meeting times and locations.
Don't rule out seeing a new doctor - you could even call your old doctor and see if he/she has any recommendations in your new location.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
Welcome to SR madzmartigan. You'll find a lot of support and those who understand here. It's never too late to quit and you have a full, long life ahead of you, don't give up!
If you had success with AA in your old home, why not find a meeting today? The people and promise of what AA can do exists no matter where you live, give your local chapter a call or check the web for meeting times and locations.
Don't rule out seeing a new doctor - you could even call your old doctor and see if he/she has any recommendations in your new location.
If you had success with AA in your old home, why not find a meeting today? The people and promise of what AA can do exists no matter where you live, give your local chapter a call or check the web for meeting times and locations.
Don't rule out seeing a new doctor - you could even call your old doctor and see if he/she has any recommendations in your new location.
you are NOT a waste of a human being!!
youre just sick, but there IS a solution!
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,185
Welcome to SR Madzmartigan. Sorry to read about your predicament
AA does sound like a good place to start (after SR) hopefully you can get some support and could address the situation with your toxic boss which must be reinforcing your desire to drink
Also have you talked this through with your husband? Hopefully he will support you through this period but that would mean telling him how much you drink but also about how unhappy you are
Best wishes and good luck
AA does sound like a good place to start (after SR) hopefully you can get some support and could address the situation with your toxic boss which must be reinforcing your desire to drink
Also have you talked this through with your husband? Hopefully he will support you through this period but that would mean telling him how much you drink but also about how unhappy you are
Best wishes and good luck
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
Hi madz,welcome to SR,your post made me sad cuz it sounds so familiar, the awful way we treat ourselves is really heartbreaking when you look at it from afar,please don't drink today you can heal and change, takes a lot of work but it's better than drinking and being sick and feeling worthless, I'm sending you strength and((hugs))
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
You're certainly not a waste, Madz. You came here to try & get well - you haven't given up on a good life. You can do it.
I drank like you are when I was in my 30's. Because I did nothing to change my life, I ended up drinking all day - with my life in shambles. That never has to happen to you. I hope you'll stay with us.
I drank like you are when I was in my 30's. Because I did nothing to change my life, I ended up drinking all day - with my life in shambles. That never has to happen to you. I hope you'll stay with us.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
Welcome! I can relate to so much of what you said. And I felt that way at 36 too. Now I'm 50 and on Day 2 again. It doesn't get better.
This is an amazing place for support and I hope you will try to find meetings in your new city!
Hugs ))
This is an amazing place for support and I hope you will try to find meetings in your new city!
Hugs ))
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Welcome and I'm glad you posted.
You are not a waste of a human being, but that is how alcoholism is making you feel. It robs us of self-respect and destroys everything good. You know that you can do this, but it won't be easy. Once you stop drinking, you can begin to take small steps to make changes with your job, your boss, friends. You will be able to feel good about yourself and have the life you want.
You are not a waste of a human being, but that is how alcoholism is making you feel. It robs us of self-respect and destroys everything good. You know that you can do this, but it won't be easy. Once you stop drinking, you can begin to take small steps to make changes with your job, your boss, friends. You will be able to feel good about yourself and have the life you want.
Brother of the Wolf
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
My wife and I moved to a new state last summer, and I went through similar feelings. I through away three plus years of sobriety out of boredom and loneliness. It took me several months to finally hit my bottom and claw my way back to recovery. I'm a compulsive drinker, who needs to keep drinking after that first drink goes down. This, mixed with my history, leads to physical dependency really fast. I remember waking up from a three-day blackout, to the cold hard reality that I had to make the choice between life and death. Right there, in that moment, I decided that I had to choose like. Here's the good part--once I got sober again, and got back on my feet, I started exploring where I lived as a way to find new sober activities. I started to really like the place that I spent 8 months crying over and trying to escape. In fact, we went from planning to move back to our home town, to buying a house here. It wasn't easy, and there are still hard days. But the biggest problem wasn't where I live, but the alcohol I was putting into my body.
You have made a great decision to get sober. Welcome to the forum, and remember to reach out when you are having a difficult time.
You have made a great decision to get sober. Welcome to the forum, and remember to reach out when you are having a difficult time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 19
Thanks everyone.
I have been going through withdrawl symptoms, I think. For the last two days I've been exhausted, tired, dealing with terrible liver pain....... nauseous. No trembling or any weird feelings like that, but life has been like a walking panic attack.......
What do you do to convince yourself you are not a waste of skin?
I have been going through withdrawl symptoms, I think. For the last two days I've been exhausted, tired, dealing with terrible liver pain....... nauseous. No trembling or any weird feelings like that, but life has been like a walking panic attack.......
What do you do to convince yourself you are not a waste of skin?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
You stay sober and start doing things that reinforce to you the idea that you're not a waste of skin 
Service work gave me a purpose and helped my self esteem - I really recommend some kind of volunteer or community work.
If that's not an option, just do good things....
D
Service work gave me a purpose and helped my self esteem - I really recommend some kind of volunteer or community work.
If that's not an option, just do good things....
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Sobriety date 7/15/2015
Posts: 13,350
The relationship with alcohol is like any toxic relationship. Always the fantasy and promise that this time it'll be different and then SLAM it happens again. Alcohol will never change,,it does what it does and doesn't care. You care, and you can make responsible changes and choices. I hope you can get some support along with SR. We are always here. Keep in touch. You can do it again!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Dee74
You stay sober and start doing things that reinforce to you the idea that you're not a waste of skin
Service work gave me a purpose and helped my self esteem - I really recommend some kind of volunteer or community work.
If that's not an option, just do good things....
D
Service work gave me a purpose and helped my self esteem - I really recommend some kind of volunteer or community work.
If that's not an option, just do good things....
D
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