MB8

I Am going thru some very difficult times with my wife and the anxiety that I get is borderline paralyzing. I find its so bad at work that I can't even function at times. Somebody could ask me to add 2 + 2 and it seems like a monumental task. When I don't have it, you could ask me to figure out the nations deficit and id be like, I got this. It's crazy when it comes on. In my profession I cannot go out and just grab a benzo. Also it would only be a matter of time b4 if be abusing those too. Does anybody no of any secrets. Thanks for listening.

Dee74

I think it's natural for most of us to be anxious initially - I've followed your story and it's clear you have stuff to be anxious about MB8.

It's pretty much something we need to live with for a while....
but of course if it's debilitating seeing your Dr is a good idea.

If you're offered benzoes, or any other meds you feel leery about, you don't have to take them.

My doctor knew my story and my addictive history - we focused on non medical solutions... a little time, staying sober - and a few general breathing exercises.

https://www.humana.com/learning-cent...hing-exercises

Forward12

Seeing a therapist would be the first call to action to help get things in check, and possibly on meds if they see fit.

totfit

Exercise is critical for me. That and a healthy diet are my baseline. Personally, I use 5HTP, Fish Oil, and a multivitamin for supplements and avoid simple carbs and sugars as much as possible. Without the exercise, I don't believe I could function in society almost. People want to commend me for the physical activities I do, running, etc., but it is not out of virtue, but necessity. I have been on anti-depressants and benzos for short periods of time in my life, but the above mentioned work best for me. I also involve myself in other mind focusing activities that require my full attention. This is a sort of focused meditation without "trying" to meditate.

Anna

"From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett
"When Panic Attacks" by David Burns MD

These books helped me so much and they focus on non-medical ways of dealing with anxiety.

ScottFromWI

I know anxiety very well MB8 and I can understand exactly what you mean by "crippling". I actually went to the ER once when I quit drinking because I literally though I was having a heart attack, ended up being anxiety.

There's a couple of different scenarios - you could just be experiencing the extreme anxiety due to your recent cessation of alcohol, or you could also have a completely separate anxiety disorder. Early on it's probably more difficult to determine, but seeing a therapist/counselor is not a bad idea at all. Your GP might be able to help but they aren't always well versed in mental heath and some will immediately prescribe something like a benzo - which is a really bad idea for an addict/alcoholic.

There's lot's of non-drug related ways to relieve anxiety - meditation, mindfulness, exercise, etc and there are drugs that are non-habit forming too and appropriate for those with addiction issues, but you need to see a doctor/therapist who can determine what might be appropriate.

In the short term, try some simple deep breathing when it gets really bad.

theTHINman

How long have you been sober, MB8? I see you joined in 2013 so maybe what you're going through has nothing to do with withdrawal. I, too, am currently crippled by anxiety/terror/panic and depression over a situation with my wife. It used to be a nice, big ball of withdrawal AND situational anxiety, but now at 53 days I'm pretty sure that a majority of the alcohol-cessation stuff has run its course and now I'm left with LIFE.

It initially felt good to think that once the withdrawal stopped I would be this new, shiny person - a rebirth, of sorts. But, as with actual birth, this entails a lot of fragility, confusion and pain. It's almost like giving birth to yourself, in a way: You begin to swell and become heavier and heavier with all of emotional damage being racked up via toxic living; the pain continues to gestate and then comes the breaking point, where it becomes too much to bear and sobriety is the only option. Then comes the agony and torment of shedding that life - withdrawals and cravings in place of labor. Finally, a new you emerges, and like an infant, you feel naked and scared and weak. You have to relearn everything and it's hard...really hard. I'm not exactly a newborn right now, but I'm definitely still in diapers.

Sorry for the whole sobriety-as-giving-birth tangent, but it just occurred to me. Anyway, point is I've been dealing with an unfathomable amount of anxiety for the past two months so I can relate. I can also share with you what has helped me if you'd like.

MB8

Thanks so much for the responses. Thinman, I would love to here anything u have to offer. I have been here since 2013 but always go back. This is my 5th and final attempt. I've had ,3,5,6, and 9 months. The fact that my wife could possibly leave me has just set in as of last week and has really kicked my butt. I have treated her like **** for so long and just assumed that she would never leave. I was wrong. She was done. Still may be. I am ready to change my life for my family. The idea that it may be too late is causing me anxiety that is unbearable. My wife is completely normal. No drinking, drugs, anxiety, depression, and has a zillion friends. Me on the other hand, all but the drugs and zillion friends. Yet she has always stood by My side. Partly I always thought because I'm the bread winner and how could she leave. I'm done thinking like that. I want. A healthy loving marriage. I will go through whatever steps it takes. I had to leave a meeting early last night because I was so emotional and I was sure people were starting to notice. Then I was extremely emotional on the way home. They were talking about fear and being uncomfortable in ones on skin. Financial insecurities is something I'm now realizing caused a great deal of damage to my marriage. Fear is destroying me. Thanks for listening.

theTHINman

We sound like two (scared s**tless) peas in a pod, MB8. I can't believe how similar our situations are. My wife has one foot out the door and the only thing keeping her around is our daughter, since she says that I'm such a wonderful father - but a "so-so husband." Financial irresponsibility, too, has played a big role in my slowly crumbling life. I was only planning, money-wise, week to week, instead of year to year. My fear and depression - abetted by alcohol and drugs - was eroding everything around me and kept me from being the man I needed to be. I'm not sure if it's too late now (and the anxiety from this is driving me insane) but I'm not about to let it stop me from striving for life optimization.

I will tell you what, for me, has been helpful in dealing with all of this.

I hear people talk all the time about meditation and deep breathing and mindfulness, but to me that was like telling a person who's head is on fire to just relax, breathe and focus on the NOW. I don't know about you, but up until lately I couldn't even sit still long enough to watch a one-minute YouTube video about meditation, much less remain motionless with my horrifying thoughts for a 20-minute session. Not happening. No, the only thing that seemed to help even a bit was to channel all of my negative, ever-churning toxic energy into action. A lot of people recommend exercise, and for good reason: Even if it feels like the very last thing you want to do, it helps. I found that running on the elliptical for 20 minutes followed by lifting weights not only occupied an hour of time, but also left my spirits lifted and my mind a bit calmer. After a week or two of this I found that I began to crave and look forward to the release that it provided.

Which brings me to my second suggestion: Routines

When being mentally tortured, the psyche desperately looks for any little shred of refuge, scrambles madly for a slice of sanctuary. When my mind was going a million miles per hour I would act upon whatever (reasonable) urge seemed like it might alleviate my suffering. After a time, I found that these indulgences settled into a kind of pattern, then a routine. Drinking soda water at first was compulsory, so I did it, a lot. I drank probably a 12-pack a day. For some reason paying bills gave me some peace, so I did that whenever money allowed. Parting with money sucks, sure, but the relief derived from settling a debt always outweighs that suck for me. My lawn also became an obsession, so I watered and manicured it relentlessly everyday after work. It doesn't matter what you settle on, but embrace anything that gives you even a modicum of solace and incorporate it into your daily routine. You can't stop the relentless flow of this, so try your best to channel it; structure your pain.

My last piece of advice is to set small goals - it is doable and you get a sense of accomplishment and control.

To start, they can and should be so small as to be laughable. For example: Last week I made myself go to the store and pick out enough food to make breakfast, lunch and dinner for the week. It was hard, but I did it. Buy things that, going back to my previous point, bring you some amount of comfort. This way I found that I was actually looking forward to preparing and eating each meal. I also started a bathroom-painting project that helps to distract me while contributing to an overall sense of accomplishment.

This stuff might not make sense to you, but it is what has helped me survive. I am just now reaching the point where I can even think about using the more general stuff like breathing, meditation, etc. For now, just figure out what keeps you from feeling like you're going insane and/or dying and embrace it like it like crazy. I'm here for you and we can do this!

theTHINman

One more thought: When I first started having and acting out on these urges, I became concerned that I had developed OCD and tried to reign in my neuroses. I then realized that my actions were not detracting from nor making my life worse, so I just went with it. At times it might seem like I have a robust blend of ADD/OCD but, like I said, rather than trying to stop the torrent of emotions, I'm now kayaking atop them.

MindGames

MB8 - I have attended AA meetings in 4 different countries now, and to a tonne of them in general with different groups of folks because my work needs to me to travel a lot. Some of the meetings included some individuals that were extremely emotional and sobbed/wept for various intervals of time. And they were usually met with either someone putting a hand over their shoulder, holding their hand, some tissues passed over, or people just generally not reacting in anyway, but I have always noticed most ppl have an understanding look on their faces.

It is one thing if you are personally not comfortable being around other ppl when you get emotional. But another thing if you wanted to leave for the benefit of the other members at the meeting. If it is the latter, let me speak up as someone that has seen many instances of the kindness of strangers - we have all been there and we are not uncomfortable around someone else's expression of intense sadness.

As for anxiety, please speak to a psychiatrist (not psychotherapist, but someone that can prescribe medication). Upon a full review of your symptoms, they should be able to identify a plan for your that does not involve benzos. I know that along with alcoholism, my brain is also wired for depression and anxiety (they are also proven to be hugely correlated). I am on a plan of Lexapro and therapy, along with exercise and meditation highly encouraged by my psychiatrist.

Most insurance covers psychiatric treatment including therapy and medication , so I would strongly encourage you to get a few different psychiatric consultations in order to find someone you feel comfortable with.

JoeCree

I *had* a wonderful doctor over 10 years ago write me a prescription to concentrate on my breathing and practice meditation. Yes this was a high profile medical doctor here in Toronto, but now he exclusively works with airline pilots, to which Im not.
His prescription sits on my shelf to this day. My point is: anxiety is something you need to master and grab ahold of.
When i am in an office setting and feel an anxiety attack coming on, i follow the advice of John McLean from Diehard: that is , i take shoes off (and socks if you are in private) and crunch my toes together for 3-5 min.
Try this. It works wonders... that is unless Hans Gruber shows up, and you are at the Nakatomi Plaza..