Raspberry

Yesterday I decided enough was enough and that I need to get sober. I’ve done the same once a year for the past 5 years, but usually I only manage to stay sober for about a month. Yesterday it was easy as I was all guns blazing. But today just seems like a normal day.

My usual routine is that I pick up the children from school, buy 2 bottles of wine, drink one before my husband gets home from work (and hide the bottle), then share a glass with him at dinner then finish off that bottle myself too. It’s been my routine for about 10 years.

When 3pm comes the anxiety will kick in. And my AV will tell me that I CAN have a drink because I can do whatever I want – I SHOULD do whatever I want. I will then visualise myself feeling all merry and warm as I have to admit that does happen at around the 6 pm mark and I look forward to it.

I don’t want my AV to win today, but I’m not sure how I can beat it given alcohol has become such a big and normal part of my life.
I would be so grateful for any advice. Although please don’t tell me to go to AA as my husband is widely known locally and at times in the public eye.

Dee74

Hi Raspberry - good to see you again

I won't tell you to go to AA but don't you think the fact your husband is well known in the community cuts both ways if you're buying booze and drinking it daily.?

None of us live in a vaccuum - and people talk.
I'd rather be known as an reformed alcoholic than an active one.

I'm not trying to beat you up - I just hope you'll go for every bit of help you can find

There are other meeting based recovery groups too, apart from AA.

Here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.


If you haven't joined the current monthly support thread here, I hope you will - post daily or more than daily. There's a lot of support there

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-9.html

Don;t doubt you can beat it.

Use both hands tho - you can't go into this half cocked or with one hand tied behind your back. Give this fight all you have

Maybe stop thinking of alcohol as a reward or a right to be enjoyed. It's clearly neither for you, and it's obviously not doing you any good.

Changes can be made!

Everytime you get that AV chatter you can shoot it down - you can win!

A good recovery plan is vital I think - there's some great suggestions here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D

trachemys

Dee gave you some great advice. I'll add this:

When you want to give in and drink, come here and ask permission first.

madgirl

Why do you want to quit drinking? I am not being a jerk - just wondering how you feel.

doggonecarl

You came here in rational moment and declared your need to quit drinking. The way you beat alcohol and the AV is to not give in to the insanity of drinking again. You don't compromise with the addiction. You don't say, "I deserve to drink" or "Just one" or "I'll start over again tomorrow," or "I can't stay sober."

You commit and stay committed. You do whatever it takes to support that decision to quit. I am sure you have integrity in other parts of your life; have integrity when it comes to your recovery...and don't bail out when it gets difficult and drinking seems the easy answer.

And use SR. Daily. Multiple times throughout the day. Join the Newcomers class. Post when you struggle. Post when you crave. Post before you pick up a drink.

sugarbear1

You CAN do this!!

On The Road

Dee's spot on, especially about having a plan. Without one, I was a repeated "relapser." It all starts with "don't drink today" and a list of strategies and activities you can do to stay sober.

You can do this!

skipper123

I could have written your exact thread! I even walked to the bus stop with a plastic cup of wine. I can only tell you that for me I finally wanted to stop. I gained 20 pounds, felt awful every day and knew I was jepordizing my health. You have to make the decision and stick with it just for the day and soon you will have a week , a month, .........

Delilah1

Hi Raspberry!

Like you I have tried to stop drinking many times over the past few years. I finally got it right this past January, and I am closing in on seven months sober. Prior to this I would stop and then convince myself one or two glasses of wine would be fine. However, it wasn't fine, because it was always more than one or two.

Dee's post has some great steps to help you make the commitment to stay stopped. SR, especially the January class have been my biggest supports. The first few weeks I planned every moment of the time I would normally drink. I went to the gym, took the kids to the park, went for a walk, read a good book, got sucked into a few Netflix series. It was just important for me to have something alternate planned for that time. I am now thankfully past the point of needing to plan every minute. The thought of drinking rarely pops into my head anymore, and when it does, it passes quickly. The first 2-3 months I completely avoided activities where I knew there would be alcohol, because I didn't quite trust myself yet. In the past few months I have been at parties or events where most others were drinking, but I didn't feel tempted. I also observed that very few people drank like I did, they would have 1 or 2 drinks, and those who did drink as though it were an Olympic Sport didn't look so good by the end of the evening.

A few of the many positives: I've lost 33 pounds, and I'm more toned all over, my complexion has lost that red, puffy look that I had to try to hide with make-up, I am fully present for my kids, husband, job, I have a sense of clarity that was missing for a while.

You can do this, and it is worth it. Why don't you start by joining the July class today. I didn't do AA or any outside groups this time (although I have tried them in the past). However, if I hadn't been able to do this with SR and my own recovery toolbox I would have gone to meetings. I have also attended Women For Sobriety meetings in the past, that is another option, this time I have checked in on their online forum.

Check in here later and let us know how day two is going, then check in each day and let us know how you are. Spend some time readin through the posts in here. Reading and posting are part of my day, and they help me stay sober.

You've got this!
❤️Delilah

mirage

Hi Raspberry, I'm glad you're back and ready to try again! What helped me was reading books about it and coming here to SR. Join the July month and post any time you feel like drinking. I also got a number of books about addiction/alcoholism. Seeing myself in these books made it real. There's no magic pill but Allan Carr's The Easy Way to Quit Drinking is good for looking at drinking in a totally different way. I would often return to certain passages that I highlighted.

Try to stay positive, even when it sucks. Remind yourself that you need to do this, that you don't drink normally, that it's going to take some time to create new habits, for your brain's neural pathways to change. I know, it's so hard to quit habits and change routines and change how you live, but you CAN do it and it DOES get easier, you just have to get past the hardest part. Good luck, it's worth it. You will be so happy you did, especially for your kids. Your kids deserve a present, sober mom. You can do this!!

Calicofish

Hi Raspberry - there are some very good posts here and I second what they are saying. The key to sobriety in the early stages is to change your routine. You have to make plans for that witching hour when you'd reach for the first drink.

I used AVRT and SR for my support system. AA is not the only way and plenty of people find sobriety with other methods. You can read about AVRT in the secular forums.

First step today - DO NOT buy the wine. Get some sparkling water or flavoured San Pelligrino. Have sweets on hand. Eat your favourite foods. Take a bubble bath tonight. If you start to feel sick and experience bad withdrawals go to ER.

soberclover

Great advice and suggestions here Raspberry; hope to see you posting here on SR more -

Determined1977

Welcome back...myself, I am a former wino, 12 days in. In the past 2 months alone, I've probably had 20 day ones. This time around a few things were different. I was living actually not living at all....spending my days buying 3 bottles of wine and drinking them throughout 24 hours. Three weeks ago I got dressed and went to visit my best friend and her boyfriend. Since I was 18, I am now 38, I have always been fit and had a six pack. LNot until the last 4 months did the weight creep up on me. I kept telling myself, I only gained 5 pounds I'll lose it when I quit. Well that day when I saw my bus bf, he called me fat. When I got home u weighed myself and I went from 120 to 150. That coupled with drinking a bottle of listening one morning because I was out of wine at 3am and was violently shaking. At that moment I had a choice when I saw the scale..get more depresses and buy more wine or get off my ass and make a change. That was 13 days ago. Since then, I've lost 20 of the 30 pounds, got a job yesterday and I feel great. I was talking to a psychologist yesterday and explaining how i couldn't understand y this time around the physical wdrawals were so minimal. She said for you it was partially mind over matter..I had just had enough. I hope you find what works for you and just know u can do this

Carpathia

Hi Raspberry.

My addiction was similar to yours; always planning for that first drink of the day while making dinner.

Everyone listed excellent options.

During sudden moments of craving I turned to jump-roping! I kept the jump rope near the kitchen.

I suppose any rhythmic physical activity where you can concentrate on counting, or breathing, is helpful. Dancing is another good idea. Anything to get your mind off the idea of booze until the craving passes. And it will pass!

Anna

Hi Raspberry, There are many ways to stop drinking and recover and if you look around here, you will many different paths.

Making a plan is the most important thing because it will be hard and you will get cravings. Having a plan will help you to get through this.

Calicofish

You lost 20 pounds in 13 days?! How is that possible?

CF

Determined1977

Easy all water weight... replaced 3 bottles of wine w lemon water and grapefruit water...gym 2 hours a day which was my old routinr

Optimist4ever57

Hi Raspberry and welcome!

You've been given so much great advice, but don't let it overwhelm you. Take it minute by minute if you have to but commit to your recovery.

Post on the 24 hour thread daily and please join us in the July 2016 class. Post as often as you want, especially when you feel weak. There is such amazing support here!

I know all too well about the anxiety, but you know what? It gets better! Earlier this year I went through so much anxiety the first week, the only thing that got me through is posting, posting, posting.

What can you do with your children after school that will keep you from stopping at the store for wine? Are there parks nearby? Malls? Museums? Zoos? Pick something to do for that time period to get you through...have a plan!

Looking forward to seeing you in the July class, Raspberry!

You can do this!