four812

And stagnate and depressed and lonely and anxious. It keeps coming back everyday. I'm staying sober and drug free. But sometimes, like right this second, I want a drink. I want 3 drinks, 6 drinks, I want all the thoughts of my brain to be fried. I want a break from this fear and hatred.

But I had a 1 day relapse almost 11 months ago ... as I was in a similar spot. But this time I'm on all the proper medication for manic depression as determined by my psychiatrist. I climbed out of deep depression last summer-fall-winter ... and now I seem to be heading right back into it.

But would a drink help? What am I thinking? That I would perch myself up on a stool at the bar, all by myself, and drink 3 beers. Then three more.

It keeps coming up in my thoughts. More often now. Daily. The urge to get drunk at the bar to relieve me of this pain of self hate and shame and loneliness. To throw in the towel. But what will that get me?

Nothing. It will only make everything worse.

biminiblue

Sometimes medication needs to be adjusted. If it was working before, then maybe a doctor's visit can tweak them just enough to feel better (?)

A drink will be the worst thing to do.

OfEpiphany

but to what end? It's just an endless pit if you start drinking again. Talk with your doc and try new anti depressants out, I hear some work well and some don't for different people

Soberwolf

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

There are links above to help with the cravings

Have you spoke to a Dr recently?

Eliasson

I felt exactly the same way yesterday, and drank last night. Believe me when I say it just made things a thousand times worse.
You can do this

Truckinon

Your post helped me because I'm in the same boat. Pacing and yelling, depression, fear, anxiety. Just some relief from the pain and torment. And you didn't drink. And I didn't drink.

I just got on my knees and asked God for help. Just for today.

Dee74

Thanks for sharing that Four812.

I hope things get better soon - are you going to speak with your Dr?

D

Anna

I'm sending good thoughts your way. You can learn to love yourself.

four812

Thanks for all the replies and support. I've been to two meetings since getting off work and will be staying sober today. Funny at each meeting I got a resentment!

So fear was replaced with some self righteous anger. That don't feel much good either. I used to thrive on anger but that don't feel good at all. Underneath that is fear.

So I bought an audible book on fear that is so far very helpful.