Looking for help, where do I start?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 36
Looking for help, where do I start?
I am a Melbourne Guy who runs his own businesses from home, and here in lies the problem. ..
Whenever everything gets on top of me I can disappear for a few hours of drinking and no-one knows, it's reached such a climax. Last week I went drinking (usually three drinks per session) for about three days on the run. I get back home, my partner is non-the-wiser and I am left feeling this incredible amount of guilt for spending money and for the actual drinking and hiding it.
After drinking I feel so bad that I did it and then the cycle happens again. I tell myself that this is the last time and it won't happen again but the next day something stresses me out and I go "screw it" and leave. It's become an easy escape route.
Even this morning as I sit here I am looking at my diary as to when I could escape and sometimes I think I wish I had someone to just call on when I feel like that who will challenge the hell out of me and tell me that I am being stupid which is why I googled and found this group.
I don't want to live my life like this.
If my life was like this I would feel like such a failure.
I feel so bad that I hide this from my partner.
I think about how much money I have wasted on drink.
I run to drink in order to mentally hide.
How do I stop? This is a cry for help really (don't worry I won't do anything stupid). I suppose I have never considered myself an alcoholic but I probably am.
Can anyone please give advice?
Whenever everything gets on top of me I can disappear for a few hours of drinking and no-one knows, it's reached such a climax. Last week I went drinking (usually three drinks per session) for about three days on the run. I get back home, my partner is non-the-wiser and I am left feeling this incredible amount of guilt for spending money and for the actual drinking and hiding it.
After drinking I feel so bad that I did it and then the cycle happens again. I tell myself that this is the last time and it won't happen again but the next day something stresses me out and I go "screw it" and leave. It's become an easy escape route.
Even this morning as I sit here I am looking at my diary as to when I could escape and sometimes I think I wish I had someone to just call on when I feel like that who will challenge the hell out of me and tell me that I am being stupid which is why I googled and found this group.
I don't want to live my life like this.
If my life was like this I would feel like such a failure.
I feel so bad that I hide this from my partner.
I think about how much money I have wasted on drink.
I run to drink in order to mentally hide.
How do I stop? This is a cry for help really (don't worry I won't do anything stupid). I suppose I have never considered myself an alcoholic but I probably am.
Can anyone please give advice?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Welcome! 
You've come to a great place for support and good ideas. There are many ways to get and stay sober.
I hope you will join the Class of July support thread. To join, all you do is post. We also have a 24 hour recovery thread in the Daily Support forum. You just post each day to commit to another 24 hours sober.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-150-a.html
You've come to a great place for support and good ideas. There are many ways to get and stay sober. I hope you will join the Class of July support thread. To join, all you do is post. We also have a 24 hour recovery thread in the Daily Support forum. You just post each day to commit to another 24 hours sober.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-150-a.html
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 409
I do not have much sobriety but what has helped me the first 2 weeks is literally getting on my knees and praying to whoever is up there and begging to stay sober. This has worked so far. A turning point is I watched Lifechurch.tv online and in the archives there is a series called " A Way Out". It is very helpful on fighting an addiction and resisting temptation. Again, this is what I have done. I also researched a lot about staying sober and reading inspiration. You can do this!
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Welcome. You've come to a great place for support. Don't get hung up on what you want to call yourself. If alcohol is a problem in your life the best thing to do is remove it from your life. You can do it. We're all on that journey.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Melbourne Help - we're so glad you found us & posted. Being here really helped me - it was so good to know I was no longer alone. People in my actual life didn't have a clue what I was going through. We understand and care - please keep reading & posting.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Hi and welcome MelbourneHelp
I used to work from home too and posting here on SR daily (or more) really helped keep me accountable - maybe it might be the same for you too?
of you're looking for face to face support Melbourne's a pretty good city for that
There's always AA...but I believe there's also some other meeting based approaches like SMART Recovery and LifeRing around too...
If there are no meetings near you of the approach you like, there will be online meetings for sure
AA Australia
Alcoholics Anonymous
SMART Australia
Welcome to SMART Recovery Australia
LifeRing Australia
LifeRing
There's also a referral/helpline
DirectLine
If you're worried about your health a visit to your GP could help too - you could ask to discuss medical aid to help you stop drinking
Whatever you decide there's a ton of support here
D
I used to work from home too and posting here on SR daily (or more) really helped keep me accountable - maybe it might be the same for you too?
of you're looking for face to face support Melbourne's a pretty good city for that
There's always AA...but I believe there's also some other meeting based approaches like SMART Recovery and LifeRing around too...
If there are no meetings near you of the approach you like, there will be online meetings for sure
AA Australia
Alcoholics Anonymous
SMART Australia
Welcome to SMART Recovery Australia
LifeRing Australia
LifeRing
There's also a referral/helpline
DirectLine
DirectLine is the statewide entry point to the Victorian public alcohol and other drug treatment system. It is a useful first point of contact for alcohol and other drug users, and health and human service providers, including general practitioners. DirectLine operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
DirectLine identifies whether a person is potentially dependent on alcohol and/or other drugs and requires referral to a catchment-based intake and assessment service, where comprehensive screening and assessment will take place.
Dependent users are offered a range of telephone and online supports by DirectLine, including information and advice, brief interventions, worker-facilitated and self-guided supports, and referrals to other support services.
DirectLine is staffed by professional counsellors at Turning Point, a centre of excellence for alcohol and other drug treatment, research and education, and now part of Eastern Health.
DirectLine can be accessed over the phone, on 1800 888 236 or online at DirectLine - Information and referral for anybody in Victoria affected by alcohol or drugs |.
DirectLine identifies whether a person is potentially dependent on alcohol and/or other drugs and requires referral to a catchment-based intake and assessment service, where comprehensive screening and assessment will take place.
Dependent users are offered a range of telephone and online supports by DirectLine, including information and advice, brief interventions, worker-facilitated and self-guided supports, and referrals to other support services.
DirectLine is staffed by professional counsellors at Turning Point, a centre of excellence for alcohol and other drug treatment, research and education, and now part of Eastern Health.
DirectLine can be accessed over the phone, on 1800 888 236 or online at DirectLine - Information and referral for anybody in Victoria affected by alcohol or drugs |.
Whatever you decide there's a ton of support here
D
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Make a commitment to not drink.
Go to an AA meeting and listen to the stories for the similarities to your current situation--->
Alcoholics Anonymous Melbourne
Tell your partner you are going to do this and that you would like their support.
All the best to you.
Go to an AA meeting and listen to the stories for the similarities to your current situation--->
Alcoholics Anonymous Melbourne
Tell your partner you are going to do this and that you would like their support.
All the best to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 36
Thank you people. It's nice to finally admit that something is a problem and be around people who won't judge.
Can I ask to questions:
1) Should I tell me partner or not? I know this probably depends on context and situation and the answer may well be a resounding "yes you should" - I just know the impact that this will have on the relationship. Or should I at least get my own head together before I do?
2) How do I deal with the guilt? Sometimes the guilt drives me to drink more because I feel as though I just "give up".
Any comments would be appreciated.
Can I ask to questions:
1) Should I tell me partner or not? I know this probably depends on context and situation and the answer may well be a resounding "yes you should" - I just know the impact that this will have on the relationship. Or should I at least get my own head together before I do?
2) How do I deal with the guilt? Sometimes the guilt drives me to drink more because I feel as though I just "give up".
Any comments would be appreciated.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Treat yourself as your own best friend. Go easy on yourself and find things to like about yourself. Make a gratitude list. Every day find at least one thing/person/event to be grateful for. It changed my attitude to positive and made quite a difference in my life and my recovery.
The biggest thing for me was some advice from our beloved CarolD. In order to stay sober you must want to be sober more than you want to drink. When you get to that point, you will be able to stay sober and build a meaningful life.
If it were me, I'd want to be told. If my partner wanted to stop drinking, I would want to be supportive.
The biggest thing for me was some advice from our beloved CarolD. In order to stay sober you must want to be sober more than you want to drink. When you get to that point, you will be able to stay sober and build a meaningful life.
If it were me, I'd want to be told. If my partner wanted to stop drinking, I would want to be supportive.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 36
Thank you for this.
I am keen to know whether I should tell my partner. If I have to tell my partner how much I have been drinking they may get angry. We have a great relationship, we really do. However, my partner sees this as drinking and not an illness. But in order to truly overcome this then perhaps I should and just face the consequences?
I am keen to know whether I should tell my partner. If I have to tell my partner how much I have been drinking they may get angry. We have a great relationship, we really do. However, my partner sees this as drinking and not an illness. But in order to truly overcome this then perhaps I should and just face the consequences?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Hi again
Some do keep it to themselves but personally, I can't imagine trying to keep something like this a secret from my partner.
They may indeed get angry - but surely they might be even more angry if you got a DUI or your drinking were revealed in some other way?
If keeping this secret is contributing to your guilt, I think your choice is pretty clear?
D
Some do keep it to themselves but personally, I can't imagine trying to keep something like this a secret from my partner.
They may indeed get angry - but surely they might be even more angry if you got a DUI or your drinking were revealed in some other way?
If keeping this secret is contributing to your guilt, I think your choice is pretty clear?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Ive heard loads of people in AA share that they thought they were the cleverest, most secretive, sneaky drinkers, but when they told their partner, the partners response was to say that they knew or suspected, but didn't want to cause an argument. You may find the same. Or they may be shocked. Or relieved. Or angry. Or a combination of those things. But at least you'd be putting it on the table alongside an attitude of willingness to take action to turn things around, and this should count for something. What will count for more is if yiu actually do get sober, and you get help to learn different ways to cope with life (which is pretty much Recovery summed up).
I didn't tell my partner til I'd been to a few AA meetings, because unlike your situation, he drank like me, and I knew he wouldn't see it as problematic drinking, let along alcoholic drinking. And he still doesn't. But that's him. And his reaction doesn't need to stop me from being sober and sticking to my recovery plan, and learning to live life on life's terms so that I can be free from alcohol, and the feelings of guilt, resentment, and despair that I associate with that period of my life.
I didn't tell my partner til I'd been to a few AA meetings, because unlike your situation, he drank like me, and I knew he wouldn't see it as problematic drinking, let along alcoholic drinking. And he still doesn't. But that's him. And his reaction doesn't need to stop me from being sober and sticking to my recovery plan, and learning to live life on life's terms so that I can be free from alcohol, and the feelings of guilt, resentment, and despair that I associate with that period of my life.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
