Ekohe

That's what I usually thought, which led to me grabbing that first beer and thinking that I would settle for a "light buzz" just to numb. Always ended in blackout. It's funny because for those few hours of no Anxiety, I somehow thought it was worth the intensified few days after, when the hang over brought it back on with a vengeance. I usually cope by living as healthy as I can, (ironic that I drink) but I exercise often, am at a good body weight and basically eat only organic, and realizing that otherwise it is not in my control if it (my anxiety stems from thinking I have heart issues, regardless of all the EKGS, Echocardiograms, and stress tests.) Reading and playing the guitar also seem to calm me at times.

Ekohe

Thank you for all the kind responses, I'm grateful to all of you. It's the morning of Day 2 and I've managed to pull off a few hours of sleep. Going to go for a run soon, and luckily I don't have work this week so can focus on getting my sobriety in order. Other than AA, would anyone have some suggestions for me?

Ekohe

Hey sweaty! I do landscaping which keeps me fairly active. I also do enjoy hiking, and luckily live in a small town with lots of trail access. I agree that I at first saw drinking, especially weekends when I had lots of free time was the best fit to numb out for a few hours. I now realize, and think I have for a while now, that it causes my Anxiety to intensify 10 fold. It is ruining aspects of my life and I am no longer willing to put myself through it.

Thanks for the response!

Ekohe

Day two is almost at an end. Still high anxiety, but I'm sure all the real physical symptoms are gone. Anyone recommend some good books for me, or more steps I should take to avoid relapsing at any point in the future? I would have thought quitting smoking was going to be harder but here I am coming up on 4 years smoke free.

feeling-good

Ehoke - well done on kicking the cigs I stopped smoking right after I got sober, after 23 years of smoking. If I can stop both and never go back so can you! Sticking around these boards will help you to avoid relapsing but for some practical ideas for the early days: don't go into any pubs or bars or places where alcohol is served; avoid the alcohol aisle in the supermarket; put aside money that you would have spent on alcohol and save it for something you can treat yourself with (a new outfit or something); revel in the fact that you will not be hungover ever again! Don't hang out with friends who drink a lot - take up a new hobby with new friends where alcohol is not part of the getting together.

I'm sure others will have lots of other ideas to help you but these are just some off the top of my head

Soberpotamus

Welcome, Ekohe.

I recommend Staying Sober: A Guide For Relapse Prevention by Terence Gorski.

Another one that was helpful to me very early on was Sober For Good by Anne Fletcher.

A memoir I found incredibly poignant was Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp.

firstymer

I love your resolve. Like you, I came to SR on my first Day 1, determined that it would also be my last Day 1. That is how I picked my screen name, firstymer. That was nearly 3 years ago. And I haven't had a drink since then.

My point? It is possible to make your first Day 1 your last Day 1. Many of us are living proof of that.

Good luck. And welcome to SR. I am glad you are here with us.

Ekohe

Thansk Firstymer!

End of day 2, just went to the doctor because I was having my usual heart concerns. Turns out I'm fine, everythings perfect. Ugh I hate this health anxiety, but I just have to tough it out and not drink. Withdrawals concerned me and I was honest with him and he checked my BP, Oxygen level and pulse and assured me the best thing is not to pick up another drink. This is a doctor I trust and he said I do not have to go to the ER. Anxiety is a bummer, it's crazy how real it can make symptoms feel.

Ekohe

All the more reason to be sure this is my last time going through this. It's hell.

FormerWineGirl

Welcome! So glad you have joined us!

Hawkeye13

No books in particular to suggest, but I found reading a really long multi-book set helpful for the first few weeks to help deal with insomnia.

The anxiety was very tough the first few days / week for me but got better and better.
Hang in there with that and it should improve rapidly.

I also suggest lots of warm showers, herbal tea, and maybe a puzzle to work on to distract your mind when at home.

Walks in Nature also very helpful.
You can do this--you'll be amazed how much better you will feel in a few months

MelindaFlowers

Welcome,

When I started posting it scared me because I knew that once I started sharing my story there was no turning back to ignoring the problem and denying it. It was an important step. One of the best things I ever did. I don't think I ever could have stopped without communicating with other people going through the same thing.

You can do this.

FLA

Ask about Zoloft. It has helped a lot of people with anxiety that I know. anxiety sucks, bad. Once you can solve that you can finally work on your main problems which I'm currently trying. Night time is the WORST just sitting at the house when I use to be out partying. Just stuck here for hours till I get tired at like 5-6am. What time zone are ya in?

Ekohe

Unfortunately, it would most likely ramp up my anxiety because I worry about side effects. I was just generally concerned about dying from withdrawal, but my doctor assured me because of my age and the way I live outside of my binging(also based on the vitals he took) that I am at no risk of passing away. Funny how thoughts regarding anxiety can manifest into physical symptoms. I am living just north of Toronto, Canada. So eastern.

Ekohe

End of day 4(sorry for posting each day, seems to help!), went for a nice run today and got the details for an AA meeting on sunday which I will be attending. Kind of nervous, and don't know what to expect! Otherwise things are okay, anxiety is settling. Cravings have come and gone, but so far they have been manageable. The weekend will be the real test, as it was usually then when all hell broke loose. Then again, I got this!

Planned a trip up north with my mother, and will be giving her my debit/credit cards for safe keeping. I have confidence in myself, just taking every precaution.

Anywho, thanks for being with me so far. The support on this site is beyond words.

Mountainmanbob

Many recovering alcoholics seem to say that from time to time.
It's all water under the bridge now.
Thank God we are not drinking today.
Good luck,
MB

ZenLifter

Congratulations on day 4, Ekohe. And don't feel sorry, post all you like . Let us know how the AA meeting goes.

feeling-good

Ehoke

One of the prayers from AA that is said at every meeting I attend is:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference. Amen

Regardless if you embrace spirituality, are an atheist or agnostic, this prayer is, for me and for many, a true life saver Maybe you can say this in your head or whisper it out loud over the weekend! I hope all goes well.

Ekohe

Hey all! Day 6 and today I have my first ever AA meeting. Optimistic but anxious at the same time. I have been running in the trails nearby daily and I feel great health wise, which always led me to believe "See you were fine all along, time for another drink!" Anyways, I have put up a monthly calendar, where I check off the days, and every Wednesday I have written a treat for myself. When I make it to 6 months I will pack up the car and drive to Banff National park! And a year, I will go to Iceland (One of my biggest dreams). I will take it day by day and not get to ahead of myself. Just feel good about checking off another day sober, and another morning not hungover. Thanks for the read!

lunar

Hello!