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I cant forgive myself

Old 07-18-2016, 03:46 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I am so glad that your kids and you are safe. We have all made bad decisions at one point or another (myself included..too many to count) when under the influence. Try not to beat yourself up to bad....addiction is a disease. On the bright side, let this be your wake up call. If you never pick up a drink again...u will never have to worry about putting anyone in danger. If you do decide to drink, which I pray you stick with sobriety, make sure you don't have access to a vehicle and hopefully not around the kids. Sending hugs and love your way.
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Old 07-18-2016, 03:53 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I thank you all for responding. I wanted to put this out there so that I can remain honest and transparent. I appreciate all words both harsh and the gentle reminders to not beat myself up. I am taking it all in. At this point I am thanking God that we made it safe and that my kid is too young to understand how foolishly I behaved. In an effort to not give off cliches or the standard "I'm done" speech I will not make any promises. The commitment is between God and I. Yes we all have said it and some of us have failed, but I have nothing else to believe in. I genuinely believe that this is the last time and God willing I will do everything I can to do it.
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Old 07-18-2016, 05:37 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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If you have to quit then you will. I noticed you said you would do whatever it takes. That's pretty much how I see it too. Equating your next drink with your kids being in danger is going to be a powerful motivator. There is no reason you can't pull this off...none whatsoever.
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Old 07-18-2016, 06:10 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by FaithfulAndFree View Post
The last time I drank was the day before yesterday. And while I made it home safe and sound, I don't remember the drive. And what keeps eating at me is that I had 2 kids that I love very much in the car with me. The "what ifs" keeps playing in my head. And what does that say about me? I've never done this before and would be infuriated to ever hear of someone risking the lives of innocent children. I hate myself for doing it and I can't forgive myself.
Alcohol makes us selfish (and often horrible) human beings. And there's no way to predict what we might do when under its influence. The only way to ensure something like the above never happens again is to not ever take that first drink again.

Instead of worrying about forgiving yourself, try to take steps to ensure you stay sober going forward.
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Old 07-18-2016, 08:37 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Hi Faithful, as a mom myself I feel your pain and shame. You can make this a turning point so that never happens again. There's no point berating yourself, I'm sure you've done that enough already. Do you have a stay-sober plan? Some people can just stop but I wasn't one of them.
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Old 07-19-2016, 09:37 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Yeah those keys just slide right into the ignition, don't they. Dropping the kids at a daycare to go on a run, -crap! what daycare??? -am i in trouble?

It was startling to me when the police clearly demonstrated that there were other humans on the road too - knocked me right out of that blackout for a couple of minutes here and there. And folks more than happy to seize and adopt children, for hire! and with full blessings of society! And NONE of these folks had any interest in ME whatsoever. How unfair is that. I had a swollen eye and bad relationship and piles of woes and troubles of my own, and that chick in the cell hollerin all night.... Sheez you'd drink too...

Those uptighties just didn't appreciate a person's need to cut loose once in awhile, thought i...
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Old 07-19-2016, 09:43 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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yes, a LOT of "what ifs" that could have happened.

now imagine all the "what ifs" if ya get and remain sober!
way more positive ones.
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Old 07-19-2016, 09:47 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Don't beat yourself up. We have all been there...we just have to make sure we don't ever do it again!! Praise the Lord that you all made it home safely.
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