Scared and in need of help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 17
Scared and in need of help
Hey everyone,
I've never made a post online in a forum setting but I stumbled on this site in my search for answers.
I'm in my late late 20's and I have accepted the fact that I am an alcoholic. I've known this for a while but I think i'm finally at a point where I really want things to change. I feel very ashamed and scared of where i'm at and need some support.
I struggle with Bi-polar II and for the last 6 years I've used alcohol and cigarettes to cope along side my not so effective meds. I also see a therapist almost weekly which helps with alot of underlying issues, but I can't shake the drinks.
I drink alone mainly. I have a good job and amazing partner and have never let it interfere with my working life, but i've had my fair share of dreadful hangovers while trying to be productive in life. My partner is very understanding and supportive and just wants me to be better but I obviously feel so guilty and selfish.
I drink alot for a woman who is small, I can outdrink most of my male buds. And when I'm alone, which is the majority of the time I "indulge", I can drink 8-10 beers or 1.5 bottles of wine on my own and choke through a pack of cigarettes. It's horrible.
A hangover will give me the motivation to resist and never want to smoke or drink again but then a few days after I give in. I've done the once a week binge, the 4 weeks off, the everyday habit and every and any thing in between.
I convince my self that eating well and working out everyday will combat the misery i'm putting my body through, but my brain gets the hard hit.
I want so bad to be able to just stop. It's so hard though. My brain feels so confused. How will I be able to function around social settings where my friends drink and a large part of social activity is encompassed by going for a drink and checking out awesome breweries.... which I love doing. Honestly the social part is not the issue, its the alone part.
Anyways, thats a rant and a bit about what I'm all about and my struggles. I'm not sure what to expect here but this is me being super vulnerable...
Thanks for reading!
I've never made a post online in a forum setting but I stumbled on this site in my search for answers.
I'm in my late late 20's and I have accepted the fact that I am an alcoholic. I've known this for a while but I think i'm finally at a point where I really want things to change. I feel very ashamed and scared of where i'm at and need some support.
I struggle with Bi-polar II and for the last 6 years I've used alcohol and cigarettes to cope along side my not so effective meds. I also see a therapist almost weekly which helps with alot of underlying issues, but I can't shake the drinks.
I drink alone mainly. I have a good job and amazing partner and have never let it interfere with my working life, but i've had my fair share of dreadful hangovers while trying to be productive in life. My partner is very understanding and supportive and just wants me to be better but I obviously feel so guilty and selfish.
I drink alot for a woman who is small, I can outdrink most of my male buds. And when I'm alone, which is the majority of the time I "indulge", I can drink 8-10 beers or 1.5 bottles of wine on my own and choke through a pack of cigarettes. It's horrible.
A hangover will give me the motivation to resist and never want to smoke or drink again but then a few days after I give in. I've done the once a week binge, the 4 weeks off, the everyday habit and every and any thing in between.
I convince my self that eating well and working out everyday will combat the misery i'm putting my body through, but my brain gets the hard hit.
I want so bad to be able to just stop. It's so hard though. My brain feels so confused. How will I be able to function around social settings where my friends drink and a large part of social activity is encompassed by going for a drink and checking out awesome breweries.... which I love doing. Honestly the social part is not the issue, its the alone part.
Anyways, thats a rant and a bit about what I'm all about and my struggles. I'm not sure what to expect here but this is me being super vulnerable...
Thanks for reading!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Welcome!
The alone part is not so hard. You may need to find new activities and possibly some new friends. But, there is absolutely no need to be alone simply because you don't drink. There are lots of social activities that don't involve drinking.
Stopping drinking is the beginning and then the hard work of staying sober begins. For me, it involved lifestyle changes to support my recovery.
The alone part is not so hard. You may need to find new activities and possibly some new friends. But, there is absolutely no need to be alone simply because you don't drink. There are lots of social activities that don't involve drinking.
Stopping drinking is the beginning and then the hard work of staying sober begins. For me, it involved lifestyle changes to support my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Albemarle, NC
Posts: 18
Hi...... I read your post and wanted to welcome you to this site. I'm new here as well..... I just joined yesterday. I'm coming to grips with the fact that I'm an alcoholic. I've tried many times to drink in a controlled way but I fail every time. I know that I need to NOT drink period and it's scary. I know how you feel on wondering how you'll handle situations wo drinking. I wonder the same thing. I, too, spend a LOT of time alone. I only work part-time and in my husband's business so I have the luxury of drinking all day when I choose. I don't have a lot of wisdom to offer you except that we will both find a way to live sober, and enjoy it more than a wine-fogged life. I wish you luck and any support I can offer.
You are smart to get sober when you're still young. I hope our support can help you get sober for good. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
I am new to sobriety but Sober Recovery has made all the diffrence for me. I read here every night. There are so many people here to support you. There is so much information to read that will assist you in sobriety. You are so young and have your whole awesome life in front of you. You can do this if you really really want to.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Maw,
Hi and welcome. This is part of my recovery so thanks for the post.
When you drink after a few days it is not giving in, it is addiction.
Yes, you are an alcoholic, but for me alcoholic means.....addict.
Alcoholic equals addict.
Now you know that, so you can treat alcohol like the drug that it is.
You crossed the line. You like the buzz. The euphoria. But, you know the pain that follows.
Fight your addiction. Embrace your sobriety. Stop drinking..... it gets better. Keep drinking..... it gets worse.
It is hard to stop at a young age. I could not. But, I didn't have SR.
Consider this......your bipolar problems were quelled by the booze. Now the booze enhances the bipolar.
Get through about a month or 2 of sobriety and then you will see the real you. You will feel what the world really feels like for a 20 something girl. Right now you are living in a alcoholic bubble. Your brain sees the world through a booze induced filter.
As you get clean, your anxiety will escalate, but then it will mellow naturally.
Get clean. Change your life to be happy w out booze. Stay clean.
Thanks.
Hi and welcome. This is part of my recovery so thanks for the post.
When you drink after a few days it is not giving in, it is addiction.
Yes, you are an alcoholic, but for me alcoholic means.....addict.
Alcoholic equals addict.
Now you know that, so you can treat alcohol like the drug that it is.
You crossed the line. You like the buzz. The euphoria. But, you know the pain that follows.
Fight your addiction. Embrace your sobriety. Stop drinking..... it gets better. Keep drinking..... it gets worse.
It is hard to stop at a young age. I could not. But, I didn't have SR.
Consider this......your bipolar problems were quelled by the booze. Now the booze enhances the bipolar.
Get through about a month or 2 of sobriety and then you will see the real you. You will feel what the world really feels like for a 20 something girl. Right now you are living in a alcoholic bubble. Your brain sees the world through a booze induced filter.
As you get clean, your anxiety will escalate, but then it will mellow naturally.
Get clean. Change your life to be happy w out booze. Stay clean.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 471
Welcome to SR Mawapril. You made a great step just reaching out for help here. I wonder, does your therapist know you have a problem with alcohol?
It helped me to read the 'sticky's' at the top, and also there's a thread by Dee titled, Psst, want to know why I'm always pushing recovery plans?" or something similar, you should be able to find it by typing 'psst' in the search engine. That one is really helpful, too.
There's lots of help here, and we're all pulling for you.
It helped me to read the 'sticky's' at the top, and also there's a thread by Dee titled, Psst, want to know why I'm always pushing recovery plans?" or something similar, you should be able to find it by typing 'psst' in the search engine. That one is really helpful, too.
There's lots of help here, and we're all pulling for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I completely understand the 'alone' part of your fears. I shared those fears, but they proved unfounded. Luckily for me there have been a few other women at AA who I really related to, and we meet up outside of meetings for coffee and a chat, or days out. And they're always there for me at the end of a phone or text messaging if we can't meet up.
I also really enjoy spending ,more time with my mum now. For years I thought it was such a drag meeting up with her to do things or visiting her, because I'd be on a count down for when I could get back to my so called friends ( and, more importantly, drink).
Some of my friends proved to be just that. When I told them I wasn't drinking and needed to stay out of the pub for a while, they asked what we could do instead, and we're willing to come along when I had an idea of where to go or what to do. But it was up to me to think of ideas and ASK them to do this.
I also had some friends who, over the years had drifted away from me. I'd formed fairly major resentments against them for that. But once I was the sober one, and realised how frustrating it is when so-called friends out drinking ahead of the friendship, and are unreliable, and bar-bores, or act out in embarrassing ways, then I suddenly realised that it was MY fault. My expectations had been too high, and my behaviour as a friend had been shoddy. I reached back out to some of the people who'd been my best friends, and now see them sometimes as well (would be more but they are busy with kids and live a way away) but when we see each other, the old childhood bond is back and it's lovely.
I needed to look back and ask myself what I enjoyed before drinking took over, and I have started finding some time for these, and new activities. For example...
Choir
Book GROUP
Creative writing group
Bell ringing - that was AWFUL
Tap dancing
Running
The most amazing thing is that nowadays I actually quite enjoy being alone. No TV. No radio. Just peace and quiet. I can sit with myself. That took a little while though.
AA has helped me loads, as has this forum. There are millions of us alcoholics in the world, living sober happy lives. You need never be alone.
I also really enjoy spending ,more time with my mum now. For years I thought it was such a drag meeting up with her to do things or visiting her, because I'd be on a count down for when I could get back to my so called friends ( and, more importantly, drink).
Some of my friends proved to be just that. When I told them I wasn't drinking and needed to stay out of the pub for a while, they asked what we could do instead, and we're willing to come along when I had an idea of where to go or what to do. But it was up to me to think of ideas and ASK them to do this.
I also had some friends who, over the years had drifted away from me. I'd formed fairly major resentments against them for that. But once I was the sober one, and realised how frustrating it is when so-called friends out drinking ahead of the friendship, and are unreliable, and bar-bores, or act out in embarrassing ways, then I suddenly realised that it was MY fault. My expectations had been too high, and my behaviour as a friend had been shoddy. I reached back out to some of the people who'd been my best friends, and now see them sometimes as well (would be more but they are busy with kids and live a way away) but when we see each other, the old childhood bond is back and it's lovely.
I needed to look back and ask myself what I enjoyed before drinking took over, and I have started finding some time for these, and new activities. For example...
Choir
Book GROUP
Creative writing group
Bell ringing - that was AWFUL
Tap dancing
Running
The most amazing thing is that nowadays I actually quite enjoy being alone. No TV. No radio. Just peace and quiet. I can sit with myself. That took a little while though.
AA has helped me loads, as has this forum. There are millions of us alcoholics in the world, living sober happy lives. You need never be alone.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Welcome to SR, mawapril, and congratulations on choosing a better way of life in sobriety. I promise you that fun sober activities will happen for you with time and a little work on your part (going to AA or another recovery group is a good way to start finding those activities), though I won't lie--touring breweries probably needs to be cut out of your life if you want to stay sober.
I highly suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of July 2016 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are new to recovery.
Wishing you the best today...
I highly suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of July 2016 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are new to recovery.
Wishing you the best today...
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