Self Pity
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 177
Self Pity
Feeling a bit of self pity today (be easy on me - I'm already beating myself up for thinking this way).
I was sitting at a work luncheon today when one of my colleagues started reading out her "itinerary" for tomorrow which involved hopping from one popular patio spot to another around our downtown core.
For some reason I just got this instant PANG of jealousy - WHY is it fair that I can't partake - WHY has the one thing I truly enjoyed doing (partying/drinking) now impossible for me to do - WHY WHY WHY me - wah wah - on and on.
It hit me so hard I even picked up the wine list and looked at it and debated ordering a Malbec. If it weren't for nobody else at the table ordering booze (a rare feat in my industry) - I actually MIGHT have. Thank god.
The truth is... I remember one of the last time I was "patio hopping" with some co-workers. I ended up smoking on one of the patios (NOT allowed where I live) and getting kicked out of the bar, lipping off the waitress, doing a bunch of cocaine and humiliating myself in front of everybody. REMEMBER THAT - MissNewLife!
And it won't be much of a NewLife if I keep repeating old patterns of behavior either.
Grrrr. (The little AV/devil on my shoulder is still shouting - "not fair! not fair!") I mean - come on - how is it fair that some people are born into poverty or without running water, disease, war, the list goes on and on - and here I am thinking about how crappy it is that I can't patio hop with my co-workers?
*slaps self*
Just thought I'd post anyways. Frustrated with these thoughts.
I was sitting at a work luncheon today when one of my colleagues started reading out her "itinerary" for tomorrow which involved hopping from one popular patio spot to another around our downtown core.
For some reason I just got this instant PANG of jealousy - WHY is it fair that I can't partake - WHY has the one thing I truly enjoyed doing (partying/drinking) now impossible for me to do - WHY WHY WHY me - wah wah - on and on.
It hit me so hard I even picked up the wine list and looked at it and debated ordering a Malbec. If it weren't for nobody else at the table ordering booze (a rare feat in my industry) - I actually MIGHT have. Thank god.
The truth is... I remember one of the last time I was "patio hopping" with some co-workers. I ended up smoking on one of the patios (NOT allowed where I live) and getting kicked out of the bar, lipping off the waitress, doing a bunch of cocaine and humiliating myself in front of everybody. REMEMBER THAT - MissNewLife!
And it won't be much of a NewLife if I keep repeating old patterns of behavior either.
Grrrr. (The little AV/devil on my shoulder is still shouting - "not fair! not fair!") I mean - come on - how is it fair that some people are born into poverty or without running water, disease, war, the list goes on and on - and here I am thinking about how crappy it is that I can't patio hop with my co-workers?
*slaps self*
Just thought I'd post anyways. Frustrated with these thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
It's ok to mourn that life, even if the one you're creating now will be better. It's ok to be envious of normal drinkers. It's sort of like moving to a new house. You miss the old one until your new one starts feeling like home. You'll get there (though I still envy normal drinkers...)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
For some reason I just got this instant PANG of jealousy - WHY is it fair that I can't partake - WHY has the one thing I truly enjoyed doing (partying/drinking) now impossible for me to do - WHY WHY WHY me - wah wah - on and on.
Had this feeling 2 or 3 times in my 2 months sober .
You provide yourself with good answers/statements to the poor me feelings .
I remind myself that I was begging for "just one drink" and Ill be fine on first day of withdrawal.
Had this feeling 2 or 3 times in my 2 months sober .
You provide yourself with good answers/statements to the poor me feelings .
I remind myself that I was begging for "just one drink" and Ill be fine on first day of withdrawal.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Acceptance is the thing that got me through those feelings. And reminding myself that acceptance is not about fair or unfair.
Gratitude lists are also a good tool.
It's all about purposefully shifting our perspective. I would say that actually these feelings are all AV driven anyway. You haven't got to listen to your AV. They all talk tosh anyway. Our AV is generally very good at utilising wishful thinking to make us doubt the worth of sobriety. I treat any thoughts that start with I just want... But.... or If only ..... with extreme caution. Another sign for me is a feeling I get, almost like an inner toddler tantrum brewing as soon as I realise that I can't have something. That unreasonable reaction has AV stamped all over it for me.
Well done for posting.
Gratitude lists are also a good tool.
It's all about purposefully shifting our perspective. I would say that actually these feelings are all AV driven anyway. You haven't got to listen to your AV. They all talk tosh anyway. Our AV is generally very good at utilising wishful thinking to make us doubt the worth of sobriety. I treat any thoughts that start with I just want... But.... or If only ..... with extreme caution. Another sign for me is a feeling I get, almost like an inner toddler tantrum brewing as soon as I realise that I can't have something. That unreasonable reaction has AV stamped all over it for me.
Well done for posting.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 523
Interesting you say acceptance. I just read the chaper on that today in the Big Book. Acceptance is the key in all aspects including our addictions. Its never going to be easy but it is easier once we do accept living life on life's terms.
Originally Posted by Berrybean 
Acceptance is the thing that got me through those feelings. And reminding myself that acceptance is not about fair or unfair.
Gratitude lists are also a good tool.
Gratitude lists are also a good tool.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I could be the male version of you. Making a scene everywhere I went came to be the norm. I was kicked out of a bar once for smoking and then got in a tussle with the bouncers....then sought out coke. Just a typical Friday night for me for many years. i am bored and envious of normies too but I just cannot drink safely anymore. we just have to accept that.
Catch 22
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 327
I fully agree with Trees 39. Normal drinking is as boring as no drinking. If I can't get sloshed I'd rather have nothing at all. In reality nothing at all is so much better emotionally than getting sloshed. Short term buzz compared to permanent equilibrium. No contest.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 409
I have had those same thoughts today! I'm 24 days in and today I actually missed drinking! Crazy right?? Of course I'm not going to but I also am having a pity party of one today! Better that we are on this site though rather than caving in!
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