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21 years old, help

Old 07-13-2016, 09:51 AM
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21 years old, help

Hi everyone, so I'm going to start by going way back when I feel like my future of drinking was set in stone. My freshman year of highschool, I didn't have many friends and I was injured so I couldn't participate in sports. I always have been somewhat quite in social situations and I realized that needed to change if I wanted to make friends. I started reaching out to the "cool kids" in school and began drinking, smoking weed and going to parties on the weekend. After my first party and my first 12 pack of alcohol I soon realized that I became the life of the party. I made many friends and people always knew me as the party kid who was very funny while intoxicated. Alcohol gave me comfort and made me loosin up so I could actually be myself. I did this every weekend for the next few years of high school. Didn't realize that it was an issue yet and I was excited to get to college so I could just party, drink and smoke more.

Freshman year of college, 18/19 years old. Long story short after weekly and weekend partying I went through a huge break up and the girl actually started dating one of my so called "friends". This put me in the first biggest funk I've ever been in. I was severely depressed, anxious, low self esteem, It was so bad I thought something was physically wrong with me. But I got blood work and everything checked out. this was the first time in my life I ever had these feelings so it scared me and I had to move back home with my parents to get my feet on the ground again. 6 months later I'm able to abstain from alcohol and weed because I saw it causing me trouble and bad emotions. I grew bored and thought hey I can start drinking and smoking again. Moved right back up to college and reunited with my buddies at 20 years old.

Got into the same habits and started binge drinking every weekend. I'm talkin 15 beers and shots Friday. Then the same thing Saturday. After a short period of time alcohol started making me depressed and anxious instead of making me feel comfortable. So to combat that I just drank more until I couldn't feel those feelings. And I've been doing that to this day.

Now here I am 21 year old male anxious, depressed, brain fog, extremely emotional and I feel numb. This past weekend Saturday I limited myself to 6 beers and I was able to do it but here I am today still with negative emotions that I truly believe come from my alcohol abuse. I am 4 days out from that and I feel like complete ****. Also I'm a good looking kid but still seem to think I will never find a girl who will love me or want to put up with my addictions. My question is I don't want to completely refrain from drinking because I have friends who like to go out a lot and that is how I socialize. I believe I can truly limit my drinking just because I don't want to keep feeling like this anymore, I've dealt with anxiety and depression for so long I'm ******* done with it. I'm a very intuitive person and I can tell when something emotionally is not right with me. How long do you guys recommend me completely refrain from alcohol before I start moderately drinking? And will I ever feel better?? I'm scared that I'm permenantly stuck in this fog and I'm scared these feelings are going to get worse the longer I abstain from drink. and life looks very dull right now . I've tried anti depressants and the side effects were to bad for me to continue. Please someone give me hope. I'm very down and feel so alone and depressed. I want to be optimistic but it's extremely difficult. I've always read this forum but I never thought I'd actually be here posting. Feedback or tips or hope that it does get better is what I'm looking for. I feel so ****** and anxious. Alcohol was my fun in life and now I see that it's an issue and I've lost zest for life. Help
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Old 07-13-2016, 10:49 AM
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Welcome!

Alcohol is a depressant and it will make you depressed. If you are not willing to stop drinking, then it's likely that it will continue to be a problem for you. Most of us here have tried multiple times to make moderating work and it's not possible for alcoholics to moderate their drinking. And, when we try to, it's exhausting.

You mentioned you had tried antidepressants but had bad side effects. That happened to me too and it took trying a few different medications and dosages to get something that worked for me. It might be an idea to talk to your dr about that.
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Old 07-13-2016, 10:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Welcome!

Alcohol is a depressant and it will make you depressed. If you are not willing to stop drinking, then it's likely that it will continue to be a problem for you. Most of us here have tried multiple times to make moderating work and it's not possible for alcoholics to moderate their drinking. And, when we try to, it's exhausting.

You mentioned you had tried antidepressants but had bad side effects. That happened to me too and it took trying a few different medications and dosages to get something that worked for me. It might be an idea to talk to your dr about that.
Hi, thank you for feedback. Why has it never made me depressed in the past though? It only happened as my drinking got really bad.
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Old 07-13-2016, 11:06 AM
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It sounds like alcohol was the solution to shyness and depression. For many of us alcohol works for these problems, that is, until it doesn't.

Don't give up on the idea of anti depressants. There are many different types. You will most likely find one that works and has minimal to no side effects if you keep working with a knowledgeable mental health provider. Trouble is, you might need to try several antidepressants before you find the one that works for you. Because many of them take awhile to begin working, this could take some time. Stay with it.

I wish you the best.
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Old 07-13-2016, 11:08 AM
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Originally Posted by iNeedhelp94 View Post
Hi, thank you for feedback. Why has it never made me depressed in the past though? It only happened as my drinking got really bad.
Because, that's the hook. I also used alcohol to self-medicate and initially it works well. That's the hook. Then before you know it, you've crossed the invisible line and you can't go back. Alcoholism is a relentless disease.
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Old 07-13-2016, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by awuh1 View Post
It sounds like alcohol was the solution to shyness and depression. For many of us alcohol works for these problems, that is, until it doesn't.

Don't give up on the idea of anti depressants. There are many different types. You will most likely find one that works and has minimal to no side effects if you keep working with a knowledgeable mental health provider. Trouble is, you might need to try several antidepressants before you find the one that works for you. Because many of them take awhile to begin working, this could take some time. Stay with it.

I wish you the best.
I think you're exactly right. It fixed my self esteem for a while until it just stopped working for me. My older brother is on lexapro and I think that was the one that I had minimal side effects on. Do you think these drugs actually work or help? I've always been skeptical
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Old 07-13-2016, 11:13 AM
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I get it man, I'm going through a similar situation...I'm the life of the party when I'm drinking (at least in my head I am). I've tried moderating my drinking for a while with little long term success, and usually in the end my drinking gets worse.

When I realized I had to quite drinking it was like mourning the loss of my party alter ego...I loved to drink and party. It was/is depressing to think about having to leave my party life behind. I'm still working on getting sober long term, so I don't know if or when those feelings will go away, but I would be willing to bet that continuing to drink won't make life any better long term.
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Old 07-13-2016, 11:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Ironhorse1 View Post
I get it man, I'm going through a similar situation...I'm the life of the party when I'm drinking (at least in my head I am). I've tried moderating my drinking for a while with little long term success, and usually in the end my drinking gets worse.

When I realized I had to quite drinking it was like mourning the loss of my party alter ego...I loved to drink and party. It was/is depressing to think about having to leave my party life behind. I'm still working on getting sober long term, so I don't know if or when those feelings will go away, but I would be willing to bet that continuing to drink won't make life any better long term.
Yeah man it sucks. I'm a big party guy and I look around at my friends who can get **** faced and I wish I could. Its just so negative for me.
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Old 07-13-2016, 11:31 AM
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Alcohol worked great for my anxiety and depression for a long time but somthing changed. It makes it a million time worse now. Now if I were to only have a couple off beers my anxiety\depression would go through the roof when the feeling wore off. I would then have to keep drinking to stave off the bad feelings until I'm back to square 1 miserable and deeply depressed. The cycle gets worse. It is absolutely progressive.
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Old 07-13-2016, 11:31 AM
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Old 07-13-2016, 11:51 AM
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Originally Posted by gettingsmarter View Post
Alcohol worked great for my anxiety and depression for a long time but somthing changed. It makes it a million time worse now. Now if I were to only have a couple off beers my anxiety\depression would go through the roof when the feeling wore off. I would then have to keep drinking to stave off the bad feelings until I'm back to square 1 miserable and deeply depressed. The cycle gets worse. It is absolutely progressive.
Starting to see that
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Old 07-13-2016, 11:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Soberwolf View Post
Welcome
Thank you. Glad I finally made an account.
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Old 07-13-2016, 12:01 PM
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Originally Posted by iNeedhelp94 View Post
Do you think these drugs actually work or help? I've always been skeptical
Yes they most certainly do work, but it often takes a long time to find one that does work and also has little or no side effects. One problem that I (and many others) have had is to think all's well soon after the medication starts working and go off of it too soon. Work closely with your mental health provider(s). And don't drink!
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