I just want to be myself again
 

Hi guys it's me again. I haven't been on here in a while because I decided that I wasn't ready to quit drinking. I liked it. I looked forward to it everyday. Coming home and drinking myself into a nice blissful sleep. But this morning getting up for work just sucked so bad and I am sick of feeling this way. I miss my old self that would get up each day with drive and enthusiasm and no hangover and give 100% each day.

I think it is least who says you need to want sobriety more than you want to drink. I want that now. I want to wake up each morning refreshed and energized way more than my couple hours each night of senseless imbibing. I want that old me back way more than that.

I am not physically dependent I don't no why it is so damned hard for me to just STOP. I am really angry and disappointed with myself this morning. I need to stop listening to my AV and instead come straight on here when I feel the urge to drink.

This sucks.

Good to see you again and welcome back. Please go easy on yourself, we've been where you are.
Xxx

Don't stop trying Mns I know you can do this take drinking off the menu full stop & work on your sobriety whether it's coming here for 5-10 mins a day (or longer) reading recovery books journalling your thoughts fears and successes going to mnts getting help with a sponser (I done this on the night of my first mtn)

Whatever happens no more drinking

why not start an accountability thread in newcomers ?

Don't assume addiction mean physically dependent. You are dependent. Mentally. You are addicted to the effects of alcohol.

Addiction. Treat it accordingly.

I hope this time you can get sober for good. :)

24/7 new energetic sober self is much better that 2 hours of boozey self! You can do this!

Thank you everyone.

Soberwolf I think an accountability thread is a good idea I've thought about doing that in the past but now I realize I really do need something to actively keep myself accountable.

If you aren't physically dependent now try and stay quit! I wasn't for a long time then I was and each withdrawal got worse and worse. The last one almost killed me and I know the next one would.

Thank you Della the though of developing physical dependence does scare me

It's really good to see you, mns!
Xo

Welcome back, mns; you have been missed.

Mental dependence/addiction is so very dangerous, too.

Love the idea of an accountability thread - go for it!!!

Welcome back. :)

The accountability thread is a wonderful idea.

Aw Mns so glad to see you again! I think an accountability thread is a great idea too! I also found the Weekender thread super helpful :)

Thanks guys feels good just to post again. I'm definitely going to do the accountability thread.

Regarding your OP, I think you reached an important milestone. Realizing that its just not a life you want to live anymore, and its just not worth it. I know that sounds trivial, but for some, it really comes down to just that.

When I was drinking daily, I got to a point where I would jump out of bed every morning to go to work because I knew no matter what I did that day, I could come home and "unwind". Things are totally different now, my sleep is so good sometimes its hard getting up, but after the shower and a cup of coffee, I'm ready to go....and with a clear head and physically feeling great. Its a wonderful life.