"Been sober for three months... BUT I DIDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM"
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"Been sober for three months... BUT I DIDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM"
Here's an interesting little story.
I'll try to keep it short and to the point.
Yesterday, I went on a canoe trip with my Lady and some friends. About half the friends had their canoes loaded down with beer, whiskey, weed and "Jungle Juice". A potent-looking fruit punch that I assume was heavily spiked with vodka. Oh, and they had "intoxicated gummy bears" - booze-soaked candy that had been steeping in alcohol for however long.
My Lady and I were in our own sober canoe, with one other friend who had a drink or two.
Over the course of what would be a five hour float, I watched the drinkers get progressively drunker. They went from lucid young people having a good time, to a ridiculous sh*t-show that was at first mildly comical and then later just pretty sad and annoying.
Most of the other numerous groups we passed along the way were also drinking heavily. Many were losing items in the river, flipping vessels over, acting like idiots and swearing mightily.
I recognize that it annoyed me in large part because it painted a vivid picture of How Things Used To Be. This had been me. My experience of it had been "fun" and "awesome" and all the "great times". But here, before me, was the truth of how I'd spent so many similar trips and outings and events and years.
Anyway - at one point as we'd stopped as a group to swim and talk and have some food, one of the guys had been yet again offered booze and he said "no... thanks.... I've been sober for three months now". Then there was a long pause and he said "I DID'NT HAVE A PROBLEM or anything.... I'm just not drinking".
That sort of stuck with me. Here we were, just out having a healthy, fun, nature-based time on a beautiful day. This guy was one of the few of us who were enjoying ourselves and smiling and having fun without getting loaded. Yet he felt he had to offer up to the group of stumbling, fumbling, tipsy fellows a clear statement that he DIDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM. He just wasn't drinking.
It struck me as a vivid example of what a lot of us deal with in recovery. We fear being judged for choosing to just have a natural, healthy, present good time. We fear we won't be "the cool kids". We fear we will be labeled as having "A PROBLEM".
It struck me as vividly ironic that this young man, healthy and happy and clear-eyed - should have to feel the need to justify himself to a pack of drunks. These same drunks moments before were ramming into one another and nearly dumping over in their canoes, fumbling around and falling in the shallows in their lack of coordination just an hour into the day.
To those of you who are newcomers.... to those of you who feel the upwelling of the fear of judgement or missing out, I want to remind you this morning;
CHOOSING SOBRIETY IS NOT SOMETHING YOU NEED TO JUSTIFY
Not to anyone.
Choosing sobriety is NOT a problem.
Drinking poison..... now, that does seem to be a problem. To me.
Have a great, sober day.
I'll try to keep it short and to the point.
Yesterday, I went on a canoe trip with my Lady and some friends. About half the friends had their canoes loaded down with beer, whiskey, weed and "Jungle Juice". A potent-looking fruit punch that I assume was heavily spiked with vodka. Oh, and they had "intoxicated gummy bears" - booze-soaked candy that had been steeping in alcohol for however long.
My Lady and I were in our own sober canoe, with one other friend who had a drink or two.
Over the course of what would be a five hour float, I watched the drinkers get progressively drunker. They went from lucid young people having a good time, to a ridiculous sh*t-show that was at first mildly comical and then later just pretty sad and annoying.
Most of the other numerous groups we passed along the way were also drinking heavily. Many were losing items in the river, flipping vessels over, acting like idiots and swearing mightily.
I recognize that it annoyed me in large part because it painted a vivid picture of How Things Used To Be. This had been me. My experience of it had been "fun" and "awesome" and all the "great times". But here, before me, was the truth of how I'd spent so many similar trips and outings and events and years.
Anyway - at one point as we'd stopped as a group to swim and talk and have some food, one of the guys had been yet again offered booze and he said "no... thanks.... I've been sober for three months now". Then there was a long pause and he said "I DID'NT HAVE A PROBLEM or anything.... I'm just not drinking".
That sort of stuck with me. Here we were, just out having a healthy, fun, nature-based time on a beautiful day. This guy was one of the few of us who were enjoying ourselves and smiling and having fun without getting loaded. Yet he felt he had to offer up to the group of stumbling, fumbling, tipsy fellows a clear statement that he DIDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM. He just wasn't drinking.
It struck me as a vivid example of what a lot of us deal with in recovery. We fear being judged for choosing to just have a natural, healthy, present good time. We fear we won't be "the cool kids". We fear we will be labeled as having "A PROBLEM".
It struck me as vividly ironic that this young man, healthy and happy and clear-eyed - should have to feel the need to justify himself to a pack of drunks. These same drunks moments before were ramming into one another and nearly dumping over in their canoes, fumbling around and falling in the shallows in their lack of coordination just an hour into the day.
To those of you who are newcomers.... to those of you who feel the upwelling of the fear of judgement or missing out, I want to remind you this morning;
CHOOSING SOBRIETY IS NOT SOMETHING YOU NEED TO JUSTIFY
Not to anyone.
Choosing sobriety is NOT a problem.
Drinking poison..... now, that does seem to be a problem. To me.
Have a great, sober day.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Excellent post FreeOwl! I think we all battle this at some point due to the world we live in. Society creates the norm of alcohol use and to not drink means something is wrong.
I say dare to be different!
I say dare to be different!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
CHOOSING SOBRIETY IS NOT SOMETHING YOU NEED TO JUSTIFY
What a great post, and it's a point that should be made over and over again.
I've been at two events in the last week where most people were drinking heavily, and I was just having juice mixed with soda water. Not one person, as far as I could tell, noticed. But when I first quit, it always seemed to become a topic of conversation. I think people used to pick up how uncomfortable I was about it, and I'd end up feeling I had to explain my decision.
The most recent event was a reunion with people I hadn't seen since my heavy drinking days, so it isn't just that everyone knows I'm sober already. I think it's more that unless you make an issue of it, most people don't pay too much attention to what, and how much, other people are drinking.
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