Mattq2

The last time you quit drinking, prior to reaching long term sobriet, was it diffrent then other attempts? I have quit many many times. This time everything is diffrent. It sort of scares me

Soberpotamus

Yes, I think so. I felt I was at a psychological point of no return. I was completely ready for a change no matter what that entailed. Kind of like diving off the side and hoping you don't hit something down below ... trusting you're leaving behind worse things.

There was a visceral faith or belief that I could put it down and never pick it back up again. I was ready to believe it was possible. I knew it was possible, but I needed to match my desire with that knowledge. My desire was finally there.

Mattq2

Ive made so many changes to my plan. It's crazy the amount of detail I've put into it.SR is a big part of my plan. I was always so angry on my other attempts. Pissed off that I was being cheated out of my favorite past time. This time I really feel happy. I want to embrace it but I'm scared like its a trick and temptation is going to come at me from a new direction that I'm not prepared for. I want to live sober. God please let this be the time it sticks. Not a trick. Not that great putting my thoughts into words so I hope it makes sense

least

I felt different my last time getting sober. I was at the end of my rope and knew if I kept on drinking, things would get much worse. I had a new determination to make it this time.

Whatever it was, it was real. I've been sober now over six and a half years and never been happier.

sugarbear1

Felt the same. I was determined not to go back. Still making sure I stay stopped.

Mattq2

6 1/2 years. Wow I want that so badly. You made me smile Least!

Soberpotamus

Being cheated, tempted, or tricked ... I think that's one way to see it, but it just doesn't hold water in my own mind, you know? Alcohol isn't doing anything to me that I don't allow.

I'm not meaning to be harsh by saying that, but there can be a shift in perspective for you when you know that the alcohol only gets to your mouth by your own hand ... and what comes in between means everything. We all do this a bit differently. What works for me might not work for you, but then it might!

Are you familiar with urge surfing? There are some really good links here if you do an advanced search for it. Acknowledging the urge is part of this sobriety gig. And seeing if for what it is -- a thought that doesn't have to be acted on -- is what keeps some of us sober early on when the urges are frequent.

Nothing to be afraid of here. You can do this if you approach it in a way that maybe you hadn't considered before.

Mattq2

Soberpotomas I try to except the urges in a positive way. I know that it will pass and each one is getting me closer to my goal. i really do feel good and incredibly motivated. It's just so different this time.

FarToGo

I felt different this time, yes. Something a bit deeper and more determined. I had convinced myself that it was now or never. 30 years of drinking had done me no favours at all and I was becoming increasingly aware of this, I had started to look old, function less well and trying to drink this awareness away was just desperate and depressing. It really felt time for real and permanent change. I can't drink anymore and each day (for the last year anyway) I'm ok with this.
Good luck
xx

dwtbd

I stopped drinking, a lot, for years. I'd stop and then really try and hold on til I started again. Usually fairly quickly after stopping, though in my mid twenties I had a few good stretches. In my 40's I was swearing to myself that I had to stop , even acknowledging it to my wife(which she agreed with) but stopping was brief if nearly nonexistent and I start right where I left off each time.
This last time though , something somehow finally clicked and I realized I had to quit , not stop. OK stop but never 'start' again, there is/was a difference in perspective for me quitting became more than stopping.
Finding SR and learning about AVRT really cemented things and helped form a more solid perspective. It was my first Quit , my last stop
Sounds to me like you're Quitting, goodonya!
You may feel different(scared) , but hopefully in a good way

notgonnastoptry

It gets progressively worse, believe me. I joined the forum in early 2014 with intentions of quitting on New Year's. It didn't happen then, but by 1/13, I had put the bottle down (mind you, this was after heavy drinking--quite similar to what I was doing on my last and, hopefully, final quit.

With a bit of ativan as a backup (I didn't really use it), I was able to quit with zero problems. I was very afraid as I hit the 24, 48, and 72 hour marks as I'd read here and elsewhere that that is when it can hit. So, it was easy. I picked up in late feb. of that year with attempts of moderating. Didn't happen, of course. I went back.

Next real quit (after several 5 to 7 days quits) was similar. I was over it in a few days (no symptoms) and was "proud" of my body's ability to bounce back, especially with all the nightmares I had read here. I even thought, "Hell, I'm not like them--my body is not yet compromised; I still have a few more years to drink like this". I compared myself to the people who successfully detoxed at home after drinking for 30 years. I drank for about 7, 4 hard (all day).

After that, the quits got worse. Quit again in 7/15. It was too abrupt. I had just come off of a 5 day bender and I probably could have gotten through it with a bit more alcohol followed up by ativan (I DON'T recommend this--but this was how I would quit in the past). I didn't have alcohol or ativan, so I quickly developed acidosis, ataxia, and a bunch of other things. I was so thirsty, but would throw up in seconds. My husband made me go to the hospital. Once I got hydrated, I was pretty much fine. No lasting damage and even at intake, my organs weren't messed up. No liver damage. My electrolytes. A couple days in ICU, then step-down to a regular room made me better.

Stayed sober for while after that and began again (on and off) for 7 months. This last and final time was so different. All organs were failing (really, I should have died--in the early days, they didn't know--it was touch and go). I had to have dialysis and every test in the book. Heart was not affected and neither were the lungs. Everything else was (pancreas, kidneys, liver [fatty], gall bladder, etc. It took 7 days in the hospital. In the beginning I was sedated with a drug that starts with a P. I didn't know this, of course, until I woke up (still out of it, but at that point, it was because of the drugs. I walk away with some damage that I'm watching (thankfully, nothing completely major). It's been a month since I've drunk. Life is so much better--it seems like a miracle.

So, yes. On this "round", I didn't increase my drinking, at all. What diminished, however, was my body's ability to sustain the constant abuse. It does get worse. The key word is "yet": "Oh, I haven't been to the hospital, yet"; "Oh, I don't have right side pain, yet"; "Oh, I'm not throwing up all of the time, yet", "Oh, I haven't gotten a DUI, yet"; "No one has figured it out and I haven't gotten in trouble at my job, yet". YET is the key word here. It will get worse. It doesn't get better.

I am lucky to be able to claim some of those things (no DUI, no job under performance, etc.). I'm not so lucky because my body gave out rather quickly after a relatively short time of abuse, comparatively speaking.

If you can quit early on, it's better. It's hard to give this advice because only hospital stays and IOP can do this for me. One of my friends drinks like I did. I tried to warn her, but even while warning her, I knew it wouldn't do any good, because it never moved me to quit.

JD

For me, this time it doesn't feel like I'm giving up anything. It feels like I'm gaining something.