FormerWineGirl

Those are hard words to type. I will have 2 years sober in September, but today, for whatever reason, I really wanted to drink. I didn't, but I wanted to. That is not typical of me, as I am generally secure in my sobriety. There were no triggers, it was an ordinary Saturday, catching up on household chores and a trip to the home improvement store.

I am wondering, could fatigue be a trigger? I have undergone a major career change, and I have completed the second week in my new job. Although it is a positive change for me, I am having to adjust to a longer commute and a very early start to my day. I also haven't slept very well. I am also trying to prepare for out of town guests next weekend, which I should be looking forward to, but I am finding the prospect of entertaining stressful.

I guess I'm just looking for a reason for my wanting to drink today. Maybe there isn't one.

REsoberALITY

Maybe it was just to remind you how strong you are. And post it as inspiration for us here!! Thank you.

lynnmarie123

A very good reminder to never let down your guard. Thank you!

silentrun

It happens to me once in awhile like a reflex but only usually for a second. Did it stick around or did you have to talk yourself out of it?

Anna

I think those are two very good reasons why the craving snuck up on you today. I noticed you used the word should, as in you should be looking forward to your out of town guests, but you aren't. Is there any way to reconcile that, especially since you are just getting used to your new job? If not, try to not stress and worry about the visit.

Soberpotamus

Those are some stressful life changes and situations. It's no wonder the thought of drinking cropped up. I know whenever I make big changes, and begin to feel the out-of-sorts feelings, alcohol can come to mind. It's that habitual response of the alcoholic or addict to have those quick thoughts and images come to mind. Even if things are going relatively well it can sometimes happen.

I wouldn't worry too much as long as you are able to acknowledge the thought, see it for what it is (a habitual response or thought that you don't have to act on, and shouldn't act on), and go on from there without too much rumination.

LadyBlue0527

Sounds like you have a few stressors there! Weird isn't it when that old voice from the past tries to sneak it's way in?

It took a lot for you to post what you did. The key is though, you forced honesty upon yourself and even posted it here. That's some true commitment to sobriety.

I think that although cravings and thoughts of drinking fade there's bound to be times here and there when it creeps back in. You can make memories fade but you can't completely erase them. You recognized it and did what you needed to do by coming here

As far as fatigue being a trigger, have you heard of HALT?

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

When you crave it's always good to do a check because many times one of those is really the issue. Add to that new job and having to prepare for people coming from out of town and I'd say that's about the right recipe for that pesky AV to come sneaking by.

You gave it a good hard slap though by coming here. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Get some rest and try to do something fun tomorrow. Something good for you.

MIRecovery

If you are anything like me change has always rattled my sobriety. I get in a sobriety groove. When my groove is disrupted for good or bad reasons it takes a while to find my footing again.. I find taking care of myself to be very important. Eat right, sleep right, avoid unnecessary stress, and keeping my sobriety as priority number one

printemps

Into 2 months sobriety now, but now having the stress of some idiot neighbors who sporadically set off explosive firecrackers. Have complained to all authorities, but it still is happening, even after 4th. I have been here for several years, and this has just been recent. Also, all the news is very depressing. OK, my venting is over! Thanks to everyone who is sharing their struggles and triumphs!

IvanMike

Put the bat down FWG, you're normal (for us anyhow).

Everyone else said what I was going to regarding the stressors and holding yourself up to a high standard. Everyone has moments where they would like to "escape", and for us that can often mean thoughts of getting loaded. - I've had them recently when my girlfriend and I were having an uncomfortable week. They pass.

At this stage of the game we have experience that "just because it itches, that doesn't mean that we have to scratch." - That doesn't mean that the itch doesn't pop up every once in a while. We just have experience that we can survive it, and that it passes.

I think we all have moments where we become disappointed with ourselves when these urges show up and think that there must be something wrong with us or our recovery. Generally, it seems that in those moments I find that I was holding onto the unrealistic expectation that by now I would not be an addict/alcoholic, or that somehow I would be "perfect" or "cured".

By not using, and by talking about having those feelings and whats going on in your life, you're doing the exact right thing. Bravo. You're doing fine.

Berrybean

Yes. Fatigue can certainly be a trigger. Remember those HALT triggers (Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired ). I tend to find that if 2 or more of those are active at once it affects the quality of my sobriety and I start reaching for external pacifiers (often wreckless spending or similar, but occasionally my AV will take that opportunity to pipe up as well). Well done for not acting on it. Take care to safeguard against those triggers as best you can, and bolster your recovery work by sticking to your plan, and adding stuff in if needs be.

Wishing you a swift return to a place of peace and serenity. X

Nowsthetime

You are completely normal. Remember that that AV will sit dormant and wait until it sees a little opening.

You are on it and didn't let it fool you.

No complacent woohoo!!!

Good job!!!

FormerWineGirl

Thank you all for your excellent advice. I slept well and feel much better this morning. Being in a better frame of mind this morning, I do think the stress was feeding my AV, and I can't let that happen. The desire just seem to have came out of nowhere, and just kind of hung there. I think I am back to normal (?) whatever that is!

Again, thank you, thank you, thank you. You helped me to put this thing into prospective.

August252015

Someone else around here suggested adding a B to the HALT acronym - bored.
Fatigue and boredom are two big ones for me. I haven't really wanted to drink or thought about it at all, with the notable exception of thoughts of it on my 90 days. How's that for a sneaky disease? When I was drinking, boredom and fatigue were two of the main reasons to do so. How else to fill the time?

I have been tired the past few days - a LOT going on here- and I find that spending time with a close friend; last night, with one who is a comfortable enough friend that we picked up a pizza and went to his place to watch a movie, and both dozed off during it. Woke up about 930 and was back home and in bed for good by 10ish. In the past, I'd have taken a bottle of wine or two and outlasted him staying up.

Also, taking just 30 min a day for something relaxing or recovery-oriented - even if just an online story about celebs who are sober! - to walk through your urges. Laundry, some other finite household task...30 min goes by faster than you think (I've been on SR that long already!!). Going to a meeting or talking to a sober friend are also good ideas.

Having a couple of tools for when urges do it is a great idea.