Afraid to do what we truly love
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
I just told someone at work I am a year sober. They're dad quit drinking. I don't know what's wrong I just maybe worry too much.
Yes I don't want to die but I do seriously think about things like that and it scares me. It's more like I just want the pain to stop. I just want to not feel so worried and broken all the time.
Yes I don't want to die but I do seriously think about things like that and it scares me. It's more like I just want the pain to stop. I just want to not feel so worried and broken all the time.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I think the cutting edge for you is your tendency to form attachments with people, places and things that don't bring anything that's worthwhile or, worse, that bring you harm and stunt your personal growth. The biggest obstacle in life is getting out of our own way. Therapy is a good suggestion.
This is not a criticism, but an observation. You seem preoccupied with your ex and what she did to you. It also seems that there's a part of you that still wants her back, regardless of how unhealthy this relationship quickly became. And then it only got worse. There are many things in life that are much worse than being alone.
This is not a criticism, but an observation. You seem preoccupied with your ex and what she did to you. It also seems that there's a part of you that still wants her back, regardless of how unhealthy this relationship quickly became. And then it only got worse. There are many things in life that are much worse than being alone.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Oh yea. The attachments.
When I was in high school I hung out with musicians and played music in bars. I always spent time around people I considered not as "good" as me, if that makes sense. I've never had friends who would stay up all night discussing Blake, Wordsworth, Melville...I just never considered myself worthy of having friends that share my interests.
I'm attractive, nice, polite, compassionate...yet I always get around scoundrels and heathens.
My mom did used to tell me she wishes she could stick me back where I came from. I remember it. I can feel it. I used to drink to not feel it.
Maybe I will just read and quit worrying. Sorry to be dramatic. I do not want to die but sometimes I just feel like I am living in a nightmare and I don't know what happened to me. And I want the pain to stop a little. But the pain is in my head so I will have to do something about it.
And yes I want to not be a codependent. When codependents are alone they feel like they are alone in the universe and that's why I obsess about my ex. I miss having my "place" even if it is a place in which I get abused, humiliated, and rejected. Also, I deep down feel unlovable and not good.
So I will just read and write this weekend.
When I was in high school I hung out with musicians and played music in bars. I always spent time around people I considered not as "good" as me, if that makes sense. I've never had friends who would stay up all night discussing Blake, Wordsworth, Melville...I just never considered myself worthy of having friends that share my interests.
I'm attractive, nice, polite, compassionate...yet I always get around scoundrels and heathens.
My mom did used to tell me she wishes she could stick me back where I came from. I remember it. I can feel it. I used to drink to not feel it.
Maybe I will just read and quit worrying. Sorry to be dramatic. I do not want to die but sometimes I just feel like I am living in a nightmare and I don't know what happened to me. And I want the pain to stop a little. But the pain is in my head so I will have to do something about it.
And yes I want to not be a codependent. When codependents are alone they feel like they are alone in the universe and that's why I obsess about my ex. I miss having my "place" even if it is a place in which I get abused, humiliated, and rejected. Also, I deep down feel unlovable and not good.
So I will just read and write this weekend.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I think you have it in you to leave all this angst behind and live a happy and fulfilled life Ach.
The key is being comfortable with who you are
I love Townes Elliot and Leonard too - but I listen to 'happy' stuff as well
D
The key is being comfortable with who you are
I love Townes Elliot and Leonard too - but I listen to 'happy' stuff as well
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Rich Roll abused alcohol prior to embracing ultra running (and later veganism). This is a quote from his book which may resonate with you:
"Life is a long, complicated walk. Over the years, I've found myself on many paths, some winding, some clear and straight, and many dark and troubling. My story is about a guy who woke up one morning and found himself on the same worn trail he'd been on for too many years. We've all been there. And far too many of us just can't seem to find the exit ramp, let alone a new and more fulfilling trajectory. But I did. By opening my heart, trusting that it wouldn't lead me astray, and having the resolve to follow its direction, I saw my life change in every conceivable way. The difference, in fact, is epic."
"Life is a long, complicated walk. Over the years, I've found myself on many paths, some winding, some clear and straight, and many dark and troubling. My story is about a guy who woke up one morning and found himself on the same worn trail he'd been on for too many years. We've all been there. And far too many of us just can't seem to find the exit ramp, let alone a new and more fulfilling trajectory. But I did. By opening my heart, trusting that it wouldn't lead me astray, and having the resolve to follow its direction, I saw my life change in every conceivable way. The difference, in fact, is epic."
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Well I went out walking. I set up a coffee date with a statistician, a woman.
I went walking and asked a guy if i could play and sing so I played two songs and sang. Then I asked two young ladies what they thought and I got their numbers and one invited me to play where she bar tends.
I went walking and asked a guy if i could play and sing so I played two songs and sang. Then I asked two young ladies what they thought and I got their numbers and one invited me to play where she bar tends.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
You've suffered significant trauma, and I agree with WeekendWarrior.
About music...if that's what you love then keep pursuing it while always having a back-up plan. I was in some bands in college, and one in particular wanted me to go on tour, but I declined because of school. In my case it was probably a good call because school and a career kept me alive. They went on tour briefly and slipped into heroin abuse. I saw it coming. They're not all with us at this point. Going back to school and getting a job was my way of protecting myself, though I did battle alcohol for decades more...
I say deal with your issues first. Get a solid, sober foundation, and then make big life decisions when you feel better about yourself and know who you are without substances. You can continue with school or you can always go back to school. I'm 55 and I'm back in school.
I still play music, by the way, and do gigs on the side once in a while. And though some folks seem a little uncomfortable around me and my sobriety, I'm enjoying performing and experiencing live music as a fan as much if not more than ever (though I am a little pickier about the venues I'll tolerate - but the adventure continues - I'm seeing John Doe in a dive punk bar tonight).
About music...if that's what you love then keep pursuing it while always having a back-up plan. I was in some bands in college, and one in particular wanted me to go on tour, but I declined because of school. In my case it was probably a good call because school and a career kept me alive. They went on tour briefly and slipped into heroin abuse. I saw it coming. They're not all with us at this point. Going back to school and getting a job was my way of protecting myself, though I did battle alcohol for decades more...
I say deal with your issues first. Get a solid, sober foundation, and then make big life decisions when you feel better about yourself and know who you are without substances. You can continue with school or you can always go back to school. I'm 55 and I'm back in school.
I still play music, by the way, and do gigs on the side once in a while. And though some folks seem a little uncomfortable around me and my sobriety, I'm enjoying performing and experiencing live music as a fan as much if not more than ever (though I am a little pickier about the venues I'll tolerate - but the adventure continues - I'm seeing John Doe in a dive punk bar tonight).
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
I am burned out with school and where I am living. When I first got sober I made huge changes and I wish I had not moved or entered a relationship. I just...wish I had sat on my hands and stayed where I was.
I want to go back to where I was. I really hate where I live and I did not plan anything. It really sucks because I can't ger happy where I am-I just feel dumb.
But I am going out meeting people. Last night was good. I'm not afraid of drinking like I used to be.
I want to go back to where I was. I really hate where I live and I did not plan anything. It really sucks because I can't ger happy where I am-I just feel dumb.
But I am going out meeting people. Last night was good. I'm not afraid of drinking like I used to be.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by Acheleus 
Well I went out walking. I set up a coffee date with a statistician, a woman.
I went walking and asked a guy if i could play and sing so I played two songs and sang. Then I asked two young ladies what they thought and I got their numbers and one invited me to play where she bar tends.
I went walking and asked a guy if i could play and sing so I played two songs and sang. Then I asked two young ladies what they thought and I got their numbers and one invited me to play where she bar tends.
You apparently have a charming charisma and are not shy and could benefit with the company of a nice, emotionally healthy young lady. You'll be fine.
Get your boat to stop rocking, get a solid foundation under you, get some therapy, and leave all this behind.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
kiddo made me tear up.. really.. so true.. saw Paul McCartney this Friday night.. and so many old dear mates from the 1980's as judges for the School of Rock on Sat and Sunday. some just hugged and cried and some hard to look hard to remember who I was... and a few I did not realize who they were as they had changed so much in their faces... love dear heart you will find the right path.. you need a better light to follow...
"Life is a long, complicated walk. Over the years, I've found myself on many paths, some winding, some clear and straight, and many dark and troubling......."
"Life is a long, complicated walk. Over the years, I've found myself on many paths, some winding, some clear and straight, and many dark and troubling......."
Originally Posted by Ultramarathoner
Rich Roll abused alcohol prior to embracing ultra running (and later veganism). This is a quote from his book which may resonate with you:
"Life is a long, complicated walk. Over the years, I've found myself on many paths, some winding, some clear and straight, and many dark and troubling. My story is about a guy who woke up one morning and found himself on the same worn trail he'd been on for too many years. We've all been there. And far too many of us just can't seem to find the exit ramp, let alone a new and more fulfilling trajectory. But I did. By opening my heart, trusting that it wouldn't lead me astray, and having the resolve to follow its direction, I saw my life change in every conceivable way. The difference, in fact, is epic."
"Life is a long, complicated walk. Over the years, I've found myself on many paths, some winding, some clear and straight, and many dark and troubling. My story is about a guy who woke up one morning and found himself on the same worn trail he'd been on for too many years. We've all been there. And far too many of us just can't seem to find the exit ramp, let alone a new and more fulfilling trajectory. But I did. By opening my heart, trusting that it wouldn't lead me astray, and having the resolve to follow its direction, I saw my life change in every conceivable way. The difference, in fact, is epic."
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
my Dear Friends please do what you love get out there and keep trying to be sober and play your music.. for life is to short and a lot of us have the clock ticking faster. love an Old Lady Clown....
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Word is spreading on social media that Aerosmith’s Joe Perry has collapsed on stage during a Hollywood Vampires show at Coney Island. He’s been taken to Coney Island Hospital. Various reports indicate he may have had a heart attack…
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update 11:28pm Perry is in stable condition according to various sources…
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
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I've always felt that it was important to do what you love and love what you do....
Having said that, it's probably pretty common for someone to have MORE than one thing they love to do. So, sometimes it's a best case scenario type thing in which we do one thing full time and the other thing part time, however we find ourselves...and depending on what our needs are. I also remind myself that when I do something I enjoy, I should not feel guilty for spending my "extra time" on. (not sure if there is a such a thing as extra time). I DO know I can't do it all-to even attempt that would be unwise and a set-up to feel like I have failed when I fail to do it all well.
There is a lot I don't know (yet), but aim to keep learning, but one thing I have learned is that if I am doing something I honestly HATE and continue to do what I hate, it's set-up for depression. I can sort of force myself to "get thru" and 'get by' by 'gettin' by'...but it catches up to me eventually...and then I wonder why I am feeling blah and uninspired.
Having said that, it's probably pretty common for someone to have MORE than one thing they love to do. So, sometimes it's a best case scenario type thing in which we do one thing full time and the other thing part time, however we find ourselves...and depending on what our needs are. I also remind myself that when I do something I enjoy, I should not feel guilty for spending my "extra time" on. (not sure if there is a such a thing as extra time). I DO know I can't do it all-to even attempt that would be unwise and a set-up to feel like I have failed when I fail to do it all well.
There is a lot I don't know (yet), but aim to keep learning, but one thing I have learned is that if I am doing something I honestly HATE and continue to do what I hate, it's set-up for depression. I can sort of force myself to "get thru" and 'get by' by 'gettin' by'...but it catches up to me eventually...and then I wonder why I am feeling blah and uninspired.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
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Hi all.. was a Mom and they grew up Was a Wife until he took another. Was a Good Housekeeper until I could no longer keep track of so much. Was a Good Clown until the Laughter Died Was a Good Volunteer until People to help became out dated.. Still a Good Role Model Good Gardener Good Provider for my House and Good Pain
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sydney NSW
Posts: 350
Another writer here.
I recently finished my first book, after a year and half of sobriety. I had been working on it for three years but it didn't really come together until I put the bottle down. I firmly believe had I not stopped drinking I probably would never have finished it, or, if I had, it would have been a weaker effort than it actually turned out being.
Nothing will destroy your productivity or creativity more than enduring daily hangovers and poor sleep.
Having said that, I relapsed after I finished the book. And I am now struggling to sell it to a publisher, despite very positive feedback and some nibbles. The failures and challenges of life continue in sobriety, but the good thing is that it increases your stamina and perseverance to keep pushing through and dusting yourself off.
I recently finished my first book, after a year and half of sobriety. I had been working on it for three years but it didn't really come together until I put the bottle down. I firmly believe had I not stopped drinking I probably would never have finished it, or, if I had, it would have been a weaker effort than it actually turned out being.
Nothing will destroy your productivity or creativity more than enduring daily hangovers and poor sleep.
Having said that, I relapsed after I finished the book. And I am now struggling to sell it to a publisher, despite very positive feedback and some nibbles. The failures and challenges of life continue in sobriety, but the good thing is that it increases your stamina and perseverance to keep pushing through and dusting yourself off.
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