I can't live in a vacuum
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
I can't live in a vacuum
I'm 13 months sober and trying to figure out who I am and what I like to do. I seem to have no hobbies or interests. I work full time and then 4 nights a week I have meetings. In my spare time I kinda veg out I guess. I am really trying to figure out what I like to do and I am realizing I am kind of a boring person with no hobbies or interests. Most of the things I like to do - sailing lessons, skiing, travel etc. cost money (which is tight). Anyone else struggling with figuring out what they like? Most people figure this out around age 18-22. I'm a bit behind the 8-ball here.
<3 Bunny
<3 Bunny
Just a Girl Trying to Make It...
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 207
Originally Posted by Nonsensical 
I looked at my past before drinking took over. What did I like to do then? I picked up some of those hobbies again and I am really enjoying them.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Yoga or other free exercise classes? Even if it's just a one-time freebie, maybe over the next few weeks try something you haven't done before or people are always saying we can use - the yoga, meditation part.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Bunny211
In my spare time I kinda veg out I guess.
You'll note that you didn't say "I'm bored" or "I don't know what to do with my time." Seems to me you are pretty busy with work and meetings and attending to your daily chores. So if a couple hours of "vegging out" keeps you stress free and relaxes you and allows you to stay focused on what is important, your recovery, then I say veg out and don't feel pressure to have a hobby or interest.
On a side note, I took Franklin Covey training years ago. The trainer asked each of us, "What is most important to you?" Some folks said their family, some said their involvement in the community or church. Some said fitness.
Then the trainer had us track exactly what we do all day and night, from waking until bed for a week. When the class reconvened, he had us go through our planners and see if the time we spent on stuff what what we said was most important to us.
It was not. For me it was drinking. Not the answer I gave the trainer.
In our busy schedules we find the time to do the stuff we like to do. If you feel guilt about doing nothing, change it. Decide what you value, your goals, and work towards them. Otherwise, veg out!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Hi Bunny.. hey do you have a city rec area. for events or crafts or classes sometimes very low in cost or Free love that word Free... Volunteer kiddo. on the net do your City and State and Volunteer's needs.. see what pops up.. Red Cross find out how you can help others in times of need.. or a food pantry... see the effects of the problems we have and how effects so many every day... make a difference change ... like the Michael Jackson song the Man in the Mirror.. I play that at least once a week.. and just listen with my heart.. change how do you change take a good look at the man in the mirror and see the difference.. love ardy you can do this I know it...
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"Most people figure this out around age 18-22. I'm a bit behind the 8-ball here."
but remember you were drinking for many years while others were figuring it out.
no,bunny, your not behind the 8 ball. imo your right where you need to be in recovery and this is happening at just about the same time it starts happening for many people in AA. around 12-18 months many people start feeling the way you do. I know I did.
so the solution? I started doing different things. I got into gardening to start. then added woodworking. a couple years later I got an interest in auto body repair after my son had me find him a car while he was deployed and I felt it needed new paint. this spring I got back into high power rocketry.
I cant say how many hobbies I have. if something looks interesting to me, I look into it and give it a shot and see if I like it. I really wasn't sure if Id like any of them hobbies until I just tried em. theres quite a few I said,"yeah, that was cool, but not for me."
but remember you were drinking for many years while others were figuring it out.
no,bunny, your not behind the 8 ball. imo your right where you need to be in recovery and this is happening at just about the same time it starts happening for many people in AA. around 12-18 months many people start feeling the way you do. I know I did.
so the solution? I started doing different things. I got into gardening to start. then added woodworking. a couple years later I got an interest in auto body repair after my son had me find him a car while he was deployed and I felt it needed new paint. this spring I got back into high power rocketry.
I cant say how many hobbies I have. if something looks interesting to me, I look into it and give it a shot and see if I like it. I really wasn't sure if Id like any of them hobbies until I just tried em. theres quite a few I said,"yeah, that was cool, but not for me."
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
There are a whole host of things to do that are free or cost very little money. I think for most of us ( me included ) the problem isn't really that there is a lack of "things to do" as much as an inability/difficulty in enjoying them without alcohol. Everything I did involved alcohol, so the concept of doing anything without alcohol was completely foreign.
Making peace/acceptance/surrender to our addiction helps and is a big first step in the process. I'm sure you are working on all that through your meetings/steps. For me personally, Mindfulness is a big part of my recovery. Being able to not only be present in the moment, but to also to sit back and watch what's happening ( See Claire Weekes - floating ) has allowed me to start enjoying many activities again.
Another part of it I think is that as addicts we want "instant gratification" so we sometimes feel that the only activities that will allow us to have fun are ones that involve high stimulation/high risk. It takes time but once you start, it's very satisfying/enjoyable to even just take a walk, or play a simple game with kids, etc.
Making peace/acceptance/surrender to our addiction helps and is a big first step in the process. I'm sure you are working on all that through your meetings/steps. For me personally, Mindfulness is a big part of my recovery. Being able to not only be present in the moment, but to also to sit back and watch what's happening ( See Claire Weekes - floating ) has allowed me to start enjoying many activities again.
Another part of it I think is that as addicts we want "instant gratification" so we sometimes feel that the only activities that will allow us to have fun are ones that involve high stimulation/high risk. It takes time but once you start, it's very satisfying/enjoyable to even just take a walk, or play a simple game with kids, etc.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,805
I feel the same way sometimes - OK, I'm sober, now what? I no longer have to work so hard to maintain sobriety. For about that first year or so, staying sober WAS my hobby. Now I want to do other things - start enjoying life. I live in a small town with not a lot of activities, but I'll figure something out. I do go for long hikes a few times a week, that's free and really helps me feel great. I'm also teaching myself to knit. It's not soothing yet, because I still have to think too hard while I do it, but I think it will be. Do you have any creative tendencies? There's always crafts, painting or drawing, photography. there are things out there in the world that don't cost much and can give you a sense of satisfaction.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
I think vegging out is underrated as an activity.
You'll note that you didn't say "I'm bored" or "I don't know what to do with my time." Seems to me you are pretty busy with work and meetings and attending to your daily chores. So if a couple hours of "vegging out" keeps you stress free and relaxes you and allows you to stay focused on what is important, your recovery, then I say veg out and don't feel pressure to have a hobby or interest.
On a side note, I took Franklin Covey training years ago. The trainer asked each of us, "What is most important to you?" Some folks said their family, some said their involvement in the community or church. Some said fitness.
Then the trainer had us track exactly what we do all day and night, from waking until bed for a week. When the class reconvened, he had us go through our planners and see if the time we spent on stuff what what we said was most important to us.
It was not. For me it was drinking. Not the answer I gave the trainer.
In our busy schedules we find the time to do the stuff we like to do. If you feel guilt about doing nothing, change it. Decide what you value, your goals, and work towards them. Otherwise, veg out!
You'll note that you didn't say "I'm bored" or "I don't know what to do with my time." Seems to me you are pretty busy with work and meetings and attending to your daily chores. So if a couple hours of "vegging out" keeps you stress free and relaxes you and allows you to stay focused on what is important, your recovery, then I say veg out and don't feel pressure to have a hobby or interest.
On a side note, I took Franklin Covey training years ago. The trainer asked each of us, "What is most important to you?" Some folks said their family, some said their involvement in the community or church. Some said fitness.
Then the trainer had us track exactly what we do all day and night, from waking until bed for a week. When the class reconvened, he had us go through our planners and see if the time we spent on stuff what what we said was most important to us.
It was not. For me it was drinking. Not the answer I gave the trainer.
In our busy schedules we find the time to do the stuff we like to do. If you feel guilt about doing nothing, change it. Decide what you value, your goals, and work towards them. Otherwise, veg out!
This!
I'm discovering that vegging out really is underrated.
What I'm doing more and more of these days is learning to allow what is. To get out of forcing things and even out of that need to feel I have to be productive. To stop "shoulding" on myself.
I'm learning to recognize what things really need to be taken care of and attended to in my life and to also pay attention to when my spirit is nudging me to just chill or otherwise just do what I feel like doing at the moment.
At first there was guilt involved from old conditioning that tells me I have to be productive and always be doing and that there's something wrong with me if I stop to rest. I'm listening less and less to that as I discover what it's like to just be. There's value in that, and if I really don't know what I should be doing, then I leave it at that and trust that I'll know when the time comes. It requires listening to that still small voice within.
I am never bored, things that need to get done get done and my life is much more peaceful today.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Yes, this is definitely a new phrase which will be stored for future use!
It is tough isn't it Bunny? I was thankful that I could get back to doing one thing I loved and never had time for which was reading.
I also just signed up to volunteer at our local recovery center. It's a great way to meet people whose minds are in the same place as yours.
Have you ever heard of geocaching? If you have a smartphone you can load the app for free. It's a pretty cool hobby. People hide caches and it's up to you to find them (or to place your own). It's like looking for hidden treasure. It costs nothing to do, I don't know where you're located but you can usually find caches in areas that you can walk or bike to.
Just a few suggestions
Congratulations on being 13 months sober and seeking out things to do outside of what we used to consider!
I think vegging out is underrated as an activity.
I also just signed up to volunteer at our local recovery center. It's a great way to meet people whose minds are in the same place as yours.
Have you ever heard of geocaching? If you have a smartphone you can load the app for free. It's a pretty cool hobby. People hide caches and it's up to you to find them (or to place your own). It's like looking for hidden treasure. It costs nothing to do, I don't know where you're located but you can usually find caches in areas that you can walk or bike to.
Just a few suggestions
Congratulations on being 13 months sober and seeking out things to do outside of what we used to consider!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I've tried loads of things since getting sober. Not all of them worked out (bell ringing for example, and Boot Camp Fitness). But joining a choir, creative writing group and some small scale sewing projects have worked out well. Plus regular-ish author events at book shops and the odd theatre trip, and catching up with some old friends who I'd neglected for a decade or two has been lovely. I've also volunteered at some community events (Marshalling at running events and the like - nothing massive). When it gets near Christmas I made sure I get to loads and loads of pre-Christmas events so that I still enjoy the season (and actually enjoy it more than I ever did propped up at the bar).
I remember feeling that I'd never be able to fill up my sober time, and then suddenly there doesn't seem to be any time left and I'm always out and about or busy with one thing or another. It does come with time.
I remember feeling that I'd never be able to fill up my sober time, and then suddenly there doesn't seem to be any time left and I'm always out and about or busy with one thing or another. It does come with time.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Everyone had great stuff to say so far, and how you feel is normal for where you are.
My sponsor and I had a discussion one day as I kept using the words "enjoyment" and "excitement" interchangeably. They don't mean the same thing. I was complaining that I wasn't finding this "living and enjoying life without the use of drugs" we talk about in NA, but I kept saying that nothing was really exciting to me.
ScottfromWI hit the nail on the head in the last paragraph. - It's taken me a while to figure this out. Every once in a while I find myself "bored" and realize that I am craving a thrill rather than fulfillment.
My sponsor and I had a discussion one day as I kept using the words "enjoyment" and "excitement" interchangeably. They don't mean the same thing. I was complaining that I wasn't finding this "living and enjoying life without the use of drugs" we talk about in NA, but I kept saying that nothing was really exciting to me.
ScottfromWI hit the nail on the head in the last paragraph. - It's taken me a while to figure this out. Every once in a while I find myself "bored" and realize that I am craving a thrill rather than fulfillment.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Florida
Posts: 202
Originally Posted by Madbird
This!
I'm discovering that vegging out really is underrated.
What I'm doing more and more of these days is learning to allow what is. To get out of forcing things and even out of that need to feel I have to be productive. To stop "shoulding" on myself.
I'm learning to recognize what things really need to be taken care of and attended to in my life and to also pay attention to when my spirit is nudging me to just chill or otherwise just do what I feel like doing at the moment.
At first there was guilt involved from old conditioning that tells me I have to be productive and always be doing and that there's something wrong with me if I stop to rest. I'm listening less and less to that as I discover what it's like to just be. There's value in that, and if I really don't know what I should be doing, then I leave it at that and trust that I'll know when the time comes. It requires listening to that still small voice within.
I am never bored, things that need to get done get done and my life is much more peaceful today.
I'm discovering that vegging out really is underrated.
What I'm doing more and more of these days is learning to allow what is. To get out of forcing things and even out of that need to feel I have to be productive. To stop "shoulding" on myself.
I'm learning to recognize what things really need to be taken care of and attended to in my life and to also pay attention to when my spirit is nudging me to just chill or otherwise just do what I feel like doing at the moment.
At first there was guilt involved from old conditioning that tells me I have to be productive and always be doing and that there's something wrong with me if I stop to rest. I'm listening less and less to that as I discover what it's like to just be. There's value in that, and if I really don't know what I should be doing, then I leave it at that and trust that I'll know when the time comes. It requires listening to that still small voice within.
I am never bored, things that need to get done get done and my life is much more peaceful today.
My therapist also recommended the meetup.com website to me (not a romantic type thing by the way). You can put in your interests and it shows different groups that meet in your area by interest. Many of them free. I have flagged a couple of groups to check out in the next couple of weeks.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Thanks everyone!
I actually did join a meet up. Now I just need to go to some of the events the groups I joined offer! That would help, huh?
And I agree...vegging out can be bliss. My life IS pretty busy. Tuesday is my one night off each week and at lunch on Monday I went to a library book sale and bought 4 books for $4! I came home Tuesday, cooked dinner, and sat and read for 4 hours. THAT was pure bliss for me!
I think part of it is my sponsor is pushing me to meet more people and make more friends. But honestly, last weekend I spent a lot of time at the beach, went on some walks etc. with friends from AA and had a great time. My sponsor keeps suggesting local theater or music but honestly, on my one or two nights off per week I'd rather meet a friend for dinner and a movie, pack a picnic and eat at the beach or sit at home quietly and read a book.
So I guess I am asking myself...why am I pushing myself to cram more activities into my life when I am pretty content with it the way it is? I guess I just feel like I don't DO anything. But I do! I work my recovery. I work with my sponsor. I work with my sponsee. I attend meetings. I pray and meditate. I work full time. I go to church. I walk 3x a week. I have a standing Thursday dinner date with a friend. I go to the beach. I read. I guess I'm doing better than I thought.
I actually did join a meet up. Now I just need to go to some of the events the groups I joined offer! That would help, huh?
And I agree...vegging out can be bliss. My life IS pretty busy. Tuesday is my one night off each week and at lunch on Monday I went to a library book sale and bought 4 books for $4! I came home Tuesday, cooked dinner, and sat and read for 4 hours. THAT was pure bliss for me!
I think part of it is my sponsor is pushing me to meet more people and make more friends. But honestly, last weekend I spent a lot of time at the beach, went on some walks etc. with friends from AA and had a great time. My sponsor keeps suggesting local theater or music but honestly, on my one or two nights off per week I'd rather meet a friend for dinner and a movie, pack a picnic and eat at the beach or sit at home quietly and read a book.
So I guess I am asking myself...why am I pushing myself to cram more activities into my life when I am pretty content with it the way it is? I guess I just feel like I don't DO anything. But I do! I work my recovery. I work with my sponsor. I work with my sponsee. I attend meetings. I pray and meditate. I work full time. I go to church. I walk 3x a week. I have a standing Thursday dinner date with a friend. I go to the beach. I read. I guess I'm doing better than I thought.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Hi all... normal really what is that .. with or with out... sorry just talked to my Mom ... she is 86 only get to see her once in awhile... I want my Mom.. bawwwwaaaaaaa..... 66 years old is crap.. see what happens when a Lady Clown has tears she turns into her Pop... I just keep trying and the world is going to Hell so fast... sorry all... want to go home and see Mom and have lunch and listen to her for hours.. and do garden and I want it to be 1950's all over again please just for an hour.. maybe... or could the world just be happy for a bit.. I am dreaming I know.. love to you all. off to Summer Fest... will see some old pals and have laughter and loud music.. see what happens when you get old the music is never loud ENOUGH aahahhaha... I am ok ... just need to go home and see my Mom... love to you all.. call your Mom.. and say a Lady Clown told me to call you.. love ardy...
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Originally Posted by Bunny211
Thanks everyone!
I actually did join a meet up. Now I just need to go to some of the events the groups I joined offer! That would help, huh?
And I agree...vegging out can be bliss. My life IS pretty busy. Tuesday is my one night off each week and at lunch on Monday I went to a library book sale and bought 4 books for $4! I came home Tuesday, cooked dinner, and sat and read for 4 hours. THAT was pure bliss for me!
I think part of it is my sponsor is pushing me to meet more people and make more friends. But honestly, last weekend I spent a lot of time at the beach, went on some walks etc. with friends from AA and had a great time. My sponsor keeps suggesting local theater or music but honestly, on my one or two nights off per week I'd rather meet a friend for dinner and a movie, pack a picnic and eat at the beach or sit at home quietly and read a book.
So I guess I am asking myself...why am I pushing myself to cram more activities into my life when I am pretty content with it the way it is? I guess I just feel like I don't DO anything. But I do! I work my recovery. I work with my sponsor. I work with my sponsee. I attend meetings. I pray and meditate. I work full time. I go to church. I walk 3x a week. I have a standing Thursday dinner date with a friend. I go to the beach. I read. I guess I'm doing better than I thought.
I actually did join a meet up. Now I just need to go to some of the events the groups I joined offer! That would help, huh?
And I agree...vegging out can be bliss. My life IS pretty busy. Tuesday is my one night off each week and at lunch on Monday I went to a library book sale and bought 4 books for $4! I came home Tuesday, cooked dinner, and sat and read for 4 hours. THAT was pure bliss for me!
I think part of it is my sponsor is pushing me to meet more people and make more friends. But honestly, last weekend I spent a lot of time at the beach, went on some walks etc. with friends from AA and had a great time. My sponsor keeps suggesting local theater or music but honestly, on my one or two nights off per week I'd rather meet a friend for dinner and a movie, pack a picnic and eat at the beach or sit at home quietly and read a book.
So I guess I am asking myself...why am I pushing myself to cram more activities into my life when I am pretty content with it the way it is? I guess I just feel like I don't DO anything. But I do! I work my recovery. I work with my sponsor. I work with my sponsee. I attend meetings. I pray and meditate. I work full time. I go to church. I walk 3x a week. I have a standing Thursday dinner date with a friend. I go to the beach. I read. I guess I'm doing better than I thought.
Now I am wondering if I am doing enough
Seriously, though, Bunny, it really does sound like a good life. And it will evolve as you need it to.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
Sounds like you're doing beautifully Bunny,I think counsellors are just trying to help when they suggest getting out and meeting new people,I cut hair for a living and have a hubs,4 grown kids,a 3 year old grandson,I think that's enough people in my life to keep up with, if I went out of my way to try and keep up with more people,I would overburden myself and feel overwhelmed, I'm content with reading,exercising,keeping a clean house(full time job feels like!)gardening, cooking, I'm fine! I actually got resentful of the counselor for suggesting I do more,I just like what I'm doing😊
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Bunny211
I think part of it is my sponsor is pushing me to meet more people and make more friends. But honestly, last weekend I spent a lot of time at the beach, went on some walks etc. with friends from AA and had a great time. My sponsor keeps suggesting local theater or music but honestly, on my one or two nights off per week I'd rather meet a friend for dinner and a movie, pack a picnic and eat at the beach or sit at home quietly and read a book.
So I guess I am asking myself...why am I pushing myself to cram more activities into my life when I am pretty content with it the way it is?
So I guess I am asking myself...why am I pushing myself to cram more activities into my life when I am pretty content with it the way it is?
theres absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert.
or only having a handful of friends.
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