Ideas to bolster a plan?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Sydney, Aus
Posts: 262
Ideas to bolster a plan?
Hi all,
I'm posting, as I'm trying to stick with my plan - reaching out when things are difficult. Before anything happens!
I'm two months in (3rd May) and for the most part have been doing well. I've started to develop new habits (well, rediscover old ones, really, such as reading or sewing), so I'm trying to make changes in my life and not just stop drinking. The first week was tough, but it's been getting easier. I'm not always thinking about alcohol and it's not always my first, turn-to coping method when things aren't going well.
Except for this week I've been really unsettled. I had a dream about my (deceased) Mum at the weekend, which has left me rattled. I've been thinking about her all week; for example, I've recently realised she would have been 60 in May this year - which she would have hated
. It's left me trying to make sense of things that don't make sense, which is an exercise in futility. (I'm not at all religious/spiritual.) And it's also made me feel homesick, which I don't usually (I'm a Brit living in Aus and it's been three years since I was last in the UK.). The other thing in the mix is that I'm currently working my notice period; I'll be starting a new job in August and I'm drowning in a mountain of work, trying to wrap things up at the old place, before moving on to the new. It's another unknown and I'm nervous that the change is for the best (although I know, really, that it is).
All these unsettled feeling have left me thinking about a drink, to shut off my brain. I'm not going to cave, but I want to strengthen my plan. So my question is, what can I add? What do you do when you find things are getting on top of you? Any and all suggestions, big and small, are welcome. I do not want to throw away 60-odd days, just because I feel out of whack.
Much thanks,
Flossy
I'm posting, as I'm trying to stick with my plan - reaching out when things are difficult. Before anything happens!
I'm two months in (3rd May) and for the most part have been doing well. I've started to develop new habits (well, rediscover old ones, really, such as reading or sewing), so I'm trying to make changes in my life and not just stop drinking. The first week was tough, but it's been getting easier. I'm not always thinking about alcohol and it's not always my first, turn-to coping method when things aren't going well.
Except for this week I've been really unsettled. I had a dream about my (deceased) Mum at the weekend, which has left me rattled. I've been thinking about her all week; for example, I've recently realised she would have been 60 in May this year - which she would have hated
. It's left me trying to make sense of things that don't make sense, which is an exercise in futility. (I'm not at all religious/spiritual.) And it's also made me feel homesick, which I don't usually (I'm a Brit living in Aus and it's been three years since I was last in the UK.). The other thing in the mix is that I'm currently working my notice period; I'll be starting a new job in August and I'm drowning in a mountain of work, trying to wrap things up at the old place, before moving on to the new. It's another unknown and I'm nervous that the change is for the best (although I know, really, that it is).All these unsettled feeling have left me thinking about a drink, to shut off my brain. I'm not going to cave, but I want to strengthen my plan. So my question is, what can I add? What do you do when you find things are getting on top of you? Any and all suggestions, big and small, are welcome. I do not want to throw away 60-odd days, just because I feel out of whack.
Much thanks,
Flossy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Well, of you're not spiritual, perhaps it would help to explore that side of yourself a little. And that doesn't have to mean religion. Maybe some meditation or whatever. Could be as simple as gratitude lists to start off, and helping others (here on the boards by encouragement and support for fellow alcoholics, or helping out at community events - this can be a great was to start forming some new non-drinking-based friendships as well by the way.)
I always think looking at the obvious triggers helps. HALT is a good starting point. Even though their presence nowadays might not make me crave a drink, they certainly have an effect on the quality of my sobriety, and bring with them that restless, irritable and discontentment that often rattles us As. So, perhaps look at where HALT (Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired ) may creep into your daily life, and plan around safeguarding yourself against them. There is an AA book called Living Sober which has some great tips in for dealing with life on life's terms.
What does spiritual mean to you? In AA I have learned that (there at least) it means dealing with the problem in ways that are not physical or tangible. It has meant learning to accept that no matter how much I struggle to, I cannot control everything that happens. But that I can change how I react to and feel about things - both in my past and in my daily life. (When God is mentioned in AA, the understanding is that the word God means each individuals Higher Power. For some people that may well be a religious God. For others it might be Nature or Group Of Drunks. Other people might just be willing to accept that there is something out there, but they don't understand what it is. There are so many variations on this theme.)
It is fine to remember our lived ones on significant days. What doesn't work well for us is latching onto any feelings of self-pity, resentment, or guilt around these people. Why not make the decision to spend the day enjoying things your mum would have enjoyed, and honour her memory in gratitude for the time you did have together. Maybe walk in her favourite places, eat her favourite food. Spend some time writing her a letter. Watch her favourite films or shows. These things may bring tears, but then, if your alcoholism was active when she passed, you may still have some grieving to do. Tears are okay.
I always think looking at the obvious triggers helps. HALT is a good starting point. Even though their presence nowadays might not make me crave a drink, they certainly have an effect on the quality of my sobriety, and bring with them that restless, irritable and discontentment that often rattles us As. So, perhaps look at where HALT (Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired ) may creep into your daily life, and plan around safeguarding yourself against them. There is an AA book called Living Sober which has some great tips in for dealing with life on life's terms.
What does spiritual mean to you? In AA I have learned that (there at least) it means dealing with the problem in ways that are not physical or tangible. It has meant learning to accept that no matter how much I struggle to, I cannot control everything that happens. But that I can change how I react to and feel about things - both in my past and in my daily life. (When God is mentioned in AA, the understanding is that the word God means each individuals Higher Power. For some people that may well be a religious God. For others it might be Nature or Group Of Drunks. Other people might just be willing to accept that there is something out there, but they don't understand what it is. There are so many variations on this theme.)
It is fine to remember our lived ones on significant days. What doesn't work well for us is latching onto any feelings of self-pity, resentment, or guilt around these people. Why not make the decision to spend the day enjoying things your mum would have enjoyed, and honour her memory in gratitude for the time you did have together. Maybe walk in her favourite places, eat her favourite food. Spend some time writing her a letter. Watch her favourite films or shows. These things may bring tears, but then, if your alcoholism was active when she passed, you may still have some grieving to do. Tears are okay.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Feeling a little out of whack is completely normal. Sixty days is awesome, but still early in recovery. Sorry about your mom and the painful memories that have appeared. But if you've been thinking about your mom, think about how proud she'd be of your progress. Stay on course for her.
As for a plan, since work is stressful, you might think about adding a de-stressing component. I have learned to say, "It's only work. Important, but not my most important thing."
Stay strong.
As for a plan, since work is stressful, you might think about adding a de-stressing component. I have learned to say, "It's only work. Important, but not my most important thing."
Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Making changes in your life, not just 'not drinking'.
That's the key.
So each day, focus on some action you can take that supports your sobriety.
A meeting today, a run or a walk, a trip to the library to browse magazines, attend a community class, go volunteer to help a loval cause, go to an art museum, start each day with a few minutes of gratitude and celebration for your clarity and consciousness and health.
Congratulations! You're doing great. These feelings are normal and they will ease.
That's the key.
So each day, focus on some action you can take that supports your sobriety.
A meeting today, a run or a walk, a trip to the library to browse magazines, attend a community class, go volunteer to help a loval cause, go to an art museum, start each day with a few minutes of gratitude and celebration for your clarity and consciousness and health.
Congratulations! You're doing great. These feelings are normal and they will ease.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Here is one thing I do -
Every morning, I:
1HALT (you can also add a B to this - Bored) - you might not think you are bored given your job situation and busy-ness, but you sound like you are "bored" or restless after work, hence thinking of drinking
2 Read my daily devotional (mine is a Christian-based 12 step book) - a "Devotional" could be something else that is short, meant for you to think and to ground you
3 I read pg 85-88 in the AA Big Book - one of the key parts of this is "Thy Will Be Done" - again this does go back to a higher power - the idea can apply to you even if you are not "religious" - do you believe that there is something bigger than you?
4 come to SR- I read through threads that might apply to me (I am 136 days) or pique my interest
5I subscribe to the daily meditation from Richard Rohr- he fits my spirituality well
You don't mention working any formal program. Clearly, I am in AA. My understanding is that other programs like ART/SMART or DBT/CBT are popular across the pond, so to speak. You might want to look into the distress mgt principles and exercises the D(Dialectical) or C(Cognitive) Behavior Therapy programs teach. Any of our chosen programs have a component of teaching (re-teaching) our learned behaviors where we coped with drinking.
At 60 days, you may feel able of exercise. Even with a busy schedule, a 15,30 min walk is doable. Just start, I found. Now I run - only 1-2 mi right now but I am working towards more.
Reading recovery books, memories, workbooks, whatever was and is very helpful to me. Another good time filler.
Search the SR threads - perhaps join the "Class of..." for you, May, under the Newcomers Daily Support Thread.
Don't drink- find a plan - this is what works for most of us. Especially when the sad, the stressful, the remorseful, the .... situations and feelings come in, as they will, having a "toolbox" to handle them is crucial.
Good luck!
Every morning, I:
1HALT (you can also add a B to this - Bored) - you might not think you are bored given your job situation and busy-ness, but you sound like you are "bored" or restless after work, hence thinking of drinking
2 Read my daily devotional (mine is a Christian-based 12 step book) - a "Devotional" could be something else that is short, meant for you to think and to ground you
3 I read pg 85-88 in the AA Big Book - one of the key parts of this is "Thy Will Be Done" - again this does go back to a higher power - the idea can apply to you even if you are not "religious" - do you believe that there is something bigger than you?
4 come to SR- I read through threads that might apply to me (I am 136 days) or pique my interest
5I subscribe to the daily meditation from Richard Rohr- he fits my spirituality well
You don't mention working any formal program. Clearly, I am in AA. My understanding is that other programs like ART/SMART or DBT/CBT are popular across the pond, so to speak. You might want to look into the distress mgt principles and exercises the D(Dialectical) or C(Cognitive) Behavior Therapy programs teach. Any of our chosen programs have a component of teaching (re-teaching) our learned behaviors where we coped with drinking.
At 60 days, you may feel able of exercise. Even with a busy schedule, a 15,30 min walk is doable. Just start, I found. Now I run - only 1-2 mi right now but I am working towards more.
Reading recovery books, memories, workbooks, whatever was and is very helpful to me. Another good time filler.
Search the SR threads - perhaps join the "Class of..." for you, May, under the Newcomers Daily Support Thread.
Don't drink- find a plan - this is what works for most of us. Especially when the sad, the stressful, the remorseful, the .... situations and feelings come in, as they will, having a "toolbox" to handle them is crucial.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,446
It sounds like your the sort of person who doesn't want to leave anything unfinished at your old job. You're drowning in work that you need to finish before moving on.
Do you really need to finish it? Can you pass some of it on to your successor? Document what needs to be done? Teach them what to do? Why get overly stressed about what will soon be someone else's problem? Just do your best!
Congrats on two months!
Do you really need to finish it? Can you pass some of it on to your successor? Document what needs to be done? Teach them what to do? Why get overly stressed about what will soon be someone else's problem? Just do your best!
Congrats on two months!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Sydney, Aus
Posts: 262
Thank you to everyone. 
The gratitude idea sounds a good one. I know when I have done that previously, it has always made me feel better. It definitely helps keep things in perspective, so I'm going to commit to posting in a gratitude thread daily.
A de-stressing component is definitely an obvious thing to add to my plan. Things are certainly out of whack at the moment, in part, because I'm pushing myself to tackle an impossible mountain of work. The world will keep spinning regardless of what I do at work. I need to remember this and not let it get on top of me. I aint that important. I will spend more time with the children, less time working on reports and more time reading. I might even make some of those books recovery type books. More looking after me, less worrying about everyone and everything else.
Volunteering is something I'm trying to do a little. Only small things - helping out with literacy groups at my daughter's school, doing her Guide unit's accounts, serving on the school committe. For the most part, I enjoy it. I just don't like doing it when it feels like another job to do. Starting the new role (which has more flexibility and better life-work balance) should help here, too.
Thank you all again. It's given me food for thought and helped get things in perspective.
The gratitude idea sounds a good one. I know when I have done that previously, it has always made me feel better. It definitely helps keep things in perspective, so I'm going to commit to posting in a gratitude thread daily.
A de-stressing component is definitely an obvious thing to add to my plan. Things are certainly out of whack at the moment, in part, because I'm pushing myself to tackle an impossible mountain of work. The world will keep spinning regardless of what I do at work. I need to remember this and not let it get on top of me. I aint that important.
I will spend more time with the children, less time working on reports and more time reading. I might even make some of those books recovery type books. More looking after me, less worrying about everyone and everything else.Volunteering is something I'm trying to do a little. Only small things - helping out with literacy groups at my daughter's school, doing her Guide unit's accounts, serving on the school committe. For the most part, I enjoy it. I just don't like doing it when it feels like another job to do. Starting the new role (which has more flexibility and better life-work balance) should help here, too.
Thank you all again. It's given me food for thought and helped get things in perspective.
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