changingtimes

Hi all, I'm a new guy here...

Firstly, I wanted to make a big shout out to everyone who supports each other on this forum. I have been visiting on and off for the last 12 months and even though I haven't given up the booze yet I really admire the support and encouragement I see going around, all the feedback and help people give to each other is amazing! Its been really good to hear about peoples individual journeys and milestones, I feel this could be a place to meet some very similar people to me.

As mentioned above I haven't given up yet, however I can certainly admit to having issues and I'm now at a time in my life where I feel it is important to address them (I should have actually addressed these issue 7 - 8 years ago). Anyway I'm hoping by registering within the forum now and sharing my story (nothing to exciting) I will be more motivated to help myself, while also getting involved in and hopefully helping others as well.

A bit of background:

I'm a 32 Year old Male who started drinking with my father at about the age of 14, firstly it was a can of beer here and there on a special occasion etc, however as the years went on the consumption increased, at the age of 16 I was getting hammered drunk at teenage parties.. (this was fairly normal for a lot of kids at the time), by 17 I was using a fake ID to get into pubs, booze was cheap and the hangovers lasted only until after my first cigarette and coffee...

Age 18 rolled around and I could legally buy alcohol, no more worrying about getting caught with a fake ID, this opened the floodgates for me and I moved out of my parents home and went to study. Somehow I passed my qualifications, however thinking back now I don't know how considering I was out drinking every night (some mornings rocking in to class still pissed up to my eye balls).

I finished study and found a job in a large corporate firm, life was sweet, It was a great social place and the money was good!! I loved the pubs and the pubs loved me!! The next four years went: Binge drink Friday to Sunday and occasionally during the week as well... Everyone did it (people still do)... It was at this time, when I found I was looking for any excuse, to start earlier in the weekends or straight after work during happy hour... I have never been a big guy, and can't really handle too much, so its no surprise I would often be stumbling home when a lot of my friends were turning up to the pubs/parties etc.

My partner and I soon moved overseas to work and travel, we saw some amazing sites, met some awesome people, drunk many litres of beer, had a lot of hangovers, funnily enough we also argued quite a bit and missed out on seeing a lot of cool things (when I'm hungover or looking for an excuse to drink I'm not very good company). Whenever we would turn up to a new village/town and I would be thinking lets go get a beer. It's all I wanted to do, and I would get cranky if I couldn't. Somehow we got through the travels and ended up heading back to our home town to settle down.

No problem getting or keeping a job, I still thought life was good for me (on the outside, although I'm sure people must know/suspect I have a drinking problem). Work was going well, however I often found I would be the last person at Friday work drinks trying to get others to stay for one more... and when I finally did make my way home I was a mess, wouldn't remember parts of the night, I would embarrass myself and sometimes the people I was with. I had physically hurt myself on occasions (falling over or doing stupid things trying to impress others etc), and wasted enough money to buy a small country (slight exaggeration but I'm sure you get it).

This was normal for me and all the while I knew I should have tried to stop drinking.

Now, I am still with my partner (13 years and going strong), we have two amazing kids, we have brought our first home and financially are ok... I find I'm quite comfortable having beers at home rather than going out all the time... But I don't always drink in moderation at home, I can find myself drinking alone once my partner has gone to bed... just me getting drunk, and I think Why?

I don't drink every day, (however I do want too) but nearly every Friday I cant wait to get my box of cold beers on the way home, and crack one open before I even get in the door. Sometimes I will think all week to myself, maybe I will have a break this weekend, but somehow Friday afternoon comes around and I'm now feeling good, excited about the weekend and think I'll just have a couple, then I buy a whole box. When I go to friends places or we have visitors at home during the weekend, I cant stop with one drink, I will always get drunk.... then comes, mood swings, anxiety and a feeling of guilt and depression.

The thing is all the positives in my life: Partner, Children, Job, reasonable health etc will be ruined because I don't have control of my drinking.

Although my partner and I have argued about my drinking and I have promised her many times I'll sort it out, a few weeks will pass where I don't be too stupid, then Boom! back to it. She and I both know I have a problem, but at the moment I have not told her I'm serious about sorting it out. Know one knows... except you guys now!

This may sound stupid, but I'm so scared of what life will be like without the booze, so much so I haven't been able to build up the courage to even attempt to seriously stop. Any advise on how should approach it? I don't want to tell my partner or friends as I feel I would be so embarrassed if I fail. I assume this fear of failure is normal right? Also the doubt in my mind before I have even begun, Things like: How will I enjoy summer if I cant have a beer while sitting in the hot sun...

Anyway, my short introduction has turned into a novel (strange as I feel like I could say so much more) but I hope people can relate to this and any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance - A soon to be non drinker and much happier person.

Jojay

Hi changingtimes.Many of us can relate to what you have expressed,that drinking is currently part of your life,your reward etc.I gave up alcohol almost 7weeks ago.It is hard physicaly and mentaly,no one will lie to you regarding that.Alcohol is poison.

shockozulu

It sounds to me like you are jumping into the big picture. I'm worried what life will be like without alcohol. How about "today I won't drink." Just today.

Do you have any plans on using a program or support system?

theVman31

Join the 24hr connection thread and check in everyday. The support is awesome.
This is my 10th day sober and I can breath again.

LBrain

welcome to the forum...

You are gonna be amazed - or not - of how many folks here are gonna relate to your circumstances that almost parallel your life. Your story is too familiar.
I had the world by the tail. Then I lost my job due to alcohol. How it happened doesn't really matter. It's difficult to explain, but I wasn't even drunk when it happened.
Since you have been following along for some time, you obviously know you have a problem and should stop. But for some reason you are not ready to stop. It doesn't really matter the reason, addicts will never run out of reasons why they don't, won't or can't stop. All of the excuses have already been used by someone somewhere.

Since you are posting, it seems you ARE ready. Just unsure. The comment of imagining living without booze is very common. Many are frightened of what life will be like sober. Booze is all they've known. I've seen people write how terrified they are of not being able to drink. I can assure you, you are not unique at all in your thoughts.

I can also assure you that stopping is not so easy. But if you really want a better life for yourself, it is worth the few months of craving and adjustment to get through it. You will hear that "it gets better". That is not just a line. It is true. You will experience changes physically, mentally and emotionally. And in the end, you will have become a much stronger person in all of those aspects.

It is up to you to decide. I urge you to not wait until something tragic happens in your life, be it an accident, your partner finally saying 'enough' or many of the innumerable negative consequences many of us faced during our times.

Don't wait for that life changing event to finally decide to quit. Do it now.
In a year or so, you'll be wondering why you waited so long to quit. Life improves greatly when you take away the alcohol my friend. I know it.

Tomorrow is never soon enough. Today is the right time.

RedAndy

Hi Changingtimes, good to meet you.

As Jojay says I'm sure many can relate to what you have expressed and know that we saw those same patterns - personally I let them gather pace for another decade on from where you are now with attempts at controlling or denying that there was any real problems, fact is as I have learnt it is progressive and things definitely got much worse - I'm at 8 months now and having made the decision to take this serious for the sake of myself / my family / health and sanity I have in turn saved my marriage and living a much calmer and happier life, I too feared the future without alcohol and that doesn't sound stupid to any of us, we can all relate, agree that taking things one day at a time instead of looking too far ahead in the early stages is most definitely hugely beneficial.

Also you will hear it many times that having a plan / support system, mutual aid etc is paramount to success - don't be afraid to reach out and seek help where necessary and stay close to this place - join the current class for support from others at the same stage as recovery who know what you are going through, the 24 hour class also.

Honestly I can now say unreservedly there is much more to life than alcohol - it really is not the be all and end all I once thought it was and it's powers most certainly grow weaker with time and seeing what can be achieved in sobriety.

You sound like you know what is required to allow you some peace, no time like the present to make that decision to stop and start the best days of your life with your partner and kids - believe me it makes for a much happier home.

Look forward to seeing you around and helping you along the way on this journey.

Belier

Welcome Changingtimes, all the thoughts you are having a very similar to what I had. I am now just over three months and happier than I have been for a very long time, actually since I was sober for a year a few years back. It is tough but believe it or not once you get past the first while really rewarding. Glad you are here. there is a lot of support and information to help you navigate this journey, which I now see as an adventure that I want to keep living.

BarOwnersSon

Thanks for posting ChangingTimes and welcome to the forum. The progressive nature of this disease is what makes it so insidious. You are basically me 20 years ago. Yet I kept telling myself that I could handle it myself. Stops and starts, endless cycle of failures. I couldn't handle it myself. Reaching out to others for help is the best decision you can make for your future. We are here for you.

Dee74

Some great advice here changingtimes

Try not to worry about the what ifs.

There's not one of us here who'd still be sober if we felt we lost out on the deal

It'll be ok

D

Delilah1

Welcome Changingtimes! You will find a ton of support on SR! I promise you stopping is worth it. I have just over six months after multiple past attempts at quitting. I attempted (and failed miserably) at moderation. I feel so much better physically, and mentally sober, and thoughts of drinking pop into my head infrequently now, where as the first few weeks they were constant.

My biggest support is this website. I check in with SR daily, I read and post and it helps. I joined the January class, and having a group of people who are at the same point in recovery is very helpful, I would suggest joining the July class.

In the beginning it is going to be important to plan something/anything for the time you would normally drink: take your kids to the park, go for. Walk, read a book, take a class, go to the gym, binge watch Netflix or CNN, clean, organize...

You can do this, and I promise it is worth it!!!

❤️ Delilah

notgonnastoptry

Hi,

I'm right there with you. My older two know. I always intended to stop in time for the older one (her first comment was when she was in KG and she said, "why do you smell like ammonia?" That's when I changed to vodka. I know we've argued about this before, but, at least the vodka I drank did not smell or did not smell on me anyway. How do I know this (not through delusions) but my husband would come up and kiss me when I walked through the door. He is not the type to remain silent on any issue and having just had a nip, I'd be scared. I took to drinking after arriving.

In any case, so that happened, with the oldest. She grew (she's still only a teen) and then things got sloppy as many mentioned--forgotten bottles, nights of acting super weird (I didn't slur--again I've been told by my parents and husband that they would have never suspected it), fighting with people, etc.

Well, then, there was time to stop before #2 figured it out. She was still practically a toddler. Failed on that, too. She soon knew from my behavior (I always drank in utter secret). There's still time for my youngest who hasn't been affected (at least in the ways they have).

But, yeah, I'm going through the same issues. My middle one (who is the typical quiet middle child) is the one who advised me to go to rehab--she said that last year's stint didn't cure anything and I learned no lesson from it, so she asked me to go. I was going to do some meetings, AA, etc., but now I'm enrolled in an intense rehab (but I go home at night--I called many).

The oldest feels nothing but scorn. I really admire those of you from deeply caring families. My oldest would not even visit me in the hospital this round. Hell, even my husband and middle only came once. They don't understand and see it as a moral failing on my part. Oh well. I'll get through this any way I can and if I have to do it on my own, so be it.

HeartsAfire

Welcome! Some great advice here. Why not give it a try - anything is better than the path you're headed down now, right?

Meraviglioso

Hi and welcome, we can definitely relate to what you are going through. I was constantly "romanticising the drink" and thinking how I wouldn't be able to cut the grass without a cold beer afterwards, watch the sunset on the beach without a glass of white wine, go out for a special dinner without champagne, relax in the evening without a glass of wine.... all of it. And I won't lie, there are still times I miss it some. But I don't miss all the trouble it brought into my life and definitely know that life is better without it. It is really hard to think of forever, that is why it is suggested to just keep it in the day. Just don't drink today. Once you can manage that you can start to think about the future but if it ever becomes too overwhelming you go back to "just today I won't drink" and then you do it all over again the next day. It really works.

changingtimes

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uncorked

Changing, it took me forever to stop for the same reasons you stated. I was afraid. Afraid of life without wine -- much like meraviglisio said above. Didn't know how I could get through days, weeks, months without a drop of alcohol. I wound up going to inpatient rehab and after 7 weeks without it, I felt so good that I didn't want to go back to those hangover days. Didn't want to wake up in the morning and not remember what I did or said the night before. I wanted to respect myself. And now, I do. Life without alcohol is really so much better. I never used to believe people who said that, but it's true! You can do this. And you'll be happier for it.

Wtbaf16

Hi Changing, and welcome to SR. I have/am living the same life as you. I have lived through the same experiences and still have those same concerning thoughts of sitting on the porch on a beautiful summer's evening not drinking, and question how will I not drink at all the parties I'm invited to? I've also JUST encountered the worst possible thing I can imagine from my daughter who, at only the age of 11, said to me on the night of July 4th, "mamma, maybe you shouldn't drink so much." Gut wrenching, devastating, humiliating. None of this truly reflects how I felt when I heard those words. I wanted to burst out crying and beg her to forgive, mainly forget of course, my hideous behavior. I knew one day she would say something but of course I was too focused on getting drunk to care.

Well. The following morning she turned to me and said, "mamma, would you please not drink anymore because it scares me." Can you imagine, my own daughter is afraid for her mother? Shouldn't it be the other way around? So, I did what she wanted me to do. I said I would not drink anymore. This was July 5th. Today it is July 9th and so far I have kept my promise to her - I've also out put a few lbs with anxiety eating but I'll not worry about that just now.

I have known for probably 10 years that I have a drinking problem but always thought it would just go away with age or circumstance. It doesn't. I will only stop drinking and realize sobriety when I STOP drinking. No magic pill or patch. Just true grit. It's hard and relapses may be in your or my future but if the determination is there, you/we can get through it.

This is something I now know I have to do to keep my family together and to bolster my own self confidence. If not, I know I am spiraling toward that faithful day when my daughter looks at me like I'm simply a disgusting drunken slob. And that thought, I cannot bare.

Do this for you, for your partner, and for your family. You deserve it and so do they. Each day presents another opportunity to change things for the better.

You are still young and can steer your life and that of your family , in any direction you want. This is simply another challenge you have encountered in life, which you will overcome!