Stuck in a rut
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Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
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Originally Posted by Pixus 
Another way of looking at it is to still see it as a small child or sullen teenager (or to even ask the AV how old it is), but to then ask this child or teen etc. inside you, "What's wrong honey? What are you trying to tell me?". I've often found that there's a very sad, frightened or angry young self inside my head that's feeling unheard and unloved by whatever current circumstances are going on and which then triggers old hurts.
When I remember to do this, I stop 'being' the child and start being my true adult self. The adult self who knows how to look after itself and make good desicions. I then end up feeling a huge amount of compassion towards my hurt inner little girl or confused and angry teen self. This stops me beating myself over the head with recriminations and self hatred which are roads that lead to abusing myself. If you had a small sad girl or frightened teen in front of you, yelling at you, you'd likely show them compassion, not hatred and abuse.
But everyone's different, this is just a technique that works for me when I remember to use it
When I remember to do this, I stop 'being' the child and start being my true adult self. The adult self who knows how to look after itself and make good desicions. I then end up feeling a huge amount of compassion towards my hurt inner little girl or confused and angry teen self. This stops me beating myself over the head with recriminations and self hatred which are roads that lead to abusing myself. If you had a small sad girl or frightened teen in front of you, yelling at you, you'd likely show them compassion, not hatred and abuse.
But everyone's different, this is just a technique that works for me when I remember to use it
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Australia
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Originally Posted by MLD51
Love this. Makes a ton of sense. I'm learning to have compassion for the person who drank to escape, and figure out how to help heal the hurts that got her into her mess. I sometimes cry for that little girl, teen, and young adult who was lonely, afraid, and desperately seeking approval and acceptance.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 509
I finally decided to get out of the rut! I'm 7 days sober today! I feel like the hardest part is over. I've read so many threads about people wanting to just give up, they feel like they will never beat the addiction. I know that I'm a strong person, heck, we all are and I know that I can beat this if I keep trying. I've wasted so much of my life with alcohol. It feels good to live once again without it. I'm just taking it one day at a time. I don't want to think about never drinking again because it makes me very anxious. Does anyone else try to think like that? I know that I should probably never ever drink again but that just seems so extreme. I don't know if I need to change my whole thinking process or just keep doing what I'm doing... Any suggestions?
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Originally Posted by njdellis
I'm just taking it one day at a time. I don't want to think about never drinking again because it makes me very anxious. Does anyone else try to think like that? I know that I should probably never ever drink again but that just seems so extreme. I don't know if I need to change my whole thinking process or just keep doing what I'm doing... Any suggestions?
For myself, at the beginning, I just tried to stay sober one day, one hour at a time. But a couple months in, I could see myself turning the "one day" part of One Day At a Time into "one day I can drink."
I can't drink one day. I can't drink ever. Accepting that took a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm never going to drink. With that, I was able to turn my recovery to living and loving the sober life and not just about getting through the day sober.
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You're right I honestly don't believe that I can ever drink again. That's what usually screws me up and causes a relapse because I start to think over time that I can drink because I've controlled it so long. It's just extremely hard to think that I will never take another drink again. It's an overwhelming feeling, that's why I choose to think about today only. But, like you I would like that weight off my shoulders. I would like the confidence and freedom of knowing that I will never drink again, and I would love to be at peace with that. I don't know if over time it will get better or I should change my way of thinking now.
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Originally Posted by Nonsensical
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Originally Posted by njdellis
It's just extremely hard to think that I will never take another drink again. It's an overwhelming feeling...
What this means to me is that my AV knows what never means, but it's too stupid to understand that 75 years (at which point I will be 125) means the same thing. That's how I know that it isn't me that is afraid of never drinking again, it's my addiction.
I've also learned that anything that upsets my AV has an extraordinarily high probability of being in my best interests.
Congrats on 7 days!
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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I am sad to say I've only gotten worse since I last posted. I'm been in a rut of drinking every single day. Its caused so many more problems with my family! Its all I think about and its consuming me. I'm so scared I feel like I'll never be free from this!!!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: CA, USA
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Hi njdellis, Your story sounds heartbreaking. My experience is that worked for me until I got in a program and attended every single day. If you can't stop on your own and the other things you're trying aren't working, I really recommend attending meetings (AA or another secular program)
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
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Up thread Nonsensical posted a link to an AVRT thread here on SR. The ideas discussed there resonated with me , I used them to quit drinking, it's for that reason I'd recommend reading through those posts/ threads.
Drinking everyday is not going to get you free from your addiction. The fear is understandable but misplaced about never being able to be free of it.
You can start right now, this very minute , by getting rid of whatever alcohol you have and/or not getting anymore. You can do it and you can start this very moment. You Can Do It, I promise.
Drinking everyday is not going to get you free from your addiction. The fear is understandable but misplaced about never being able to be free of it.
You can start right now, this very minute , by getting rid of whatever alcohol you have and/or not getting anymore. You can do it and you can start this very moment. You Can Do It, I promise.
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You stayed away from SR, didn't post, and drank. Coincidence?
If SR is your only support, use it. And if it's not enough, and it doesn't appear to be, seek out help and use it. If you are sick of this rut, do something about it, please.
If SR is your only support, use it. And if it's not enough, and it doesn't appear to be, seek out help and use it. If you are sick of this rut, do something about it, please.
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You all are right. I have to stop this madness! I did drink again earlier today but I have no more alcohol as of right now. I read the post above that Nonsensical posted and it was a real eye opener. I have to keep trying. Thank you all!
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston Ma
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Njdellis, great start. I wrote some reasons why I drinking was a positive thing in my life and then why is was not positive. The less than positive things far outweigh, by far. This list keeps me grounded.
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Originally Posted by Mklove
Njdellis, great start. I wrote some reasons why I drinking was a positive thing in my life and then why is was not positive. The less than positive things far outweigh, by far. This list keeps me grounded.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Houston, Texas
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nj, I just read this whole thread. I know you realize you have a lot of moral support here. Moral support is great, but it won't get you sober. Have you really convinced yourself that you want a life of sobriety? Go into a dark closet for ten minutes. Ten minutes is not long. While in there, shut everything out of your mind. Ask yourself, silently or out loud, "do I want to have a sober life?". Then be quiet and wait a moment. One of two thoughts will come into your mind, yes I do, more than anything...or, no, I just can't do it. You have to KNOW what you want before you can do anything. If the answer is yes, then you have to take action, real action. It seems like it needs to be something different than what you have been doing, because that, obviously, isn't cutting it. You need to have something that you can see or measure, something tangible. Something that makes you feel positive or good (or just better), and booze ain't it. You need to be accountable to somebody.
PLEASE don't take this as harsh. Everybody that suffers from alcohol deserves a way out to a better life. You have a lot to shoot for. I can tell you care.
Everybody here, from their posts, wants you to beat this beast. And somehow, you know you can.
PLEASE don't take this as harsh. Everybody that suffers from alcohol deserves a way out to a better life. You have a lot to shoot for. I can tell you care.
Everybody here, from their posts, wants you to beat this beast. And somehow, you know you can.
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