CountryChick

Thank you for sharing that. That's very encouraging. Congrats on your sobriety!

CountryChick

You know sometimes it feels hopeless! Since I've came back on here all I have done is drank more. My boyfriend has left and I feel so alone, therefore I use alcohol as my companion. I hate this so much!!!

madgirl

Is your son with you?
For me, "breaking the spell" had to happen by just saying "today, I will NOT drink -no matter what." Even if it means discomfort. Even if it means insomnia. Even if it means I gain weight because Im eating ice cream instead.
Whatever I had to do, I did it as long as it was NOT drinking.
Once you start to break the spell of the daily craving, you can start to heal - but you can't heal if you keep making the choice to drink.

madgirl

"My boyfriend has left and I feel so alone, therefore I use alcohol as my companion. I hate this so much!!!"

You were drinking with him at home, too. I get it - I said for the longest time that since my husband drinks and buys it and keeps it in the house, I couldnt be sober - or my job is so stressful, I cant be sober - or I am so tired, I cant be sober - or Im so depressed and lonely, I cant be sober - or I love listening to music and writing poetry, so I cant be sober 🙄🤔

Well, the truth is, I CAN be sober and so can you!!!! 😀😀😬

CountryChick

Thanks for responding. My son is here he's asleep. I have to make a choice. I know that I need to do. When I'm sober my mind feels so much clearer. Tomorrow is a new day right? I hope so. I have to get in control of this. Its controlling my life.

Camery03

We have all been where you are in one way or another. I too always found reasons excuses for why it was okay to drink--- one wont hurt will it? ( turning in to the whole bottle of course) stressful day at work, good and bad things in my life etc.
I made the choice 2 months ago after literally hitting rock bottom to quit. You can too!

CountryChick

I feel like I've been at my lowest rock bottom before. But evidently not... Thank you for sharing. I'm going to make it day 1 tomorrow. I have to!! No one else can do it for me its just so frustrating..

Camery03

I also had many day 1's, as most here can attest to as well. I just find other things to do when I have a craving, and trust me, they are there--- around every corner, in good times and in bad, but they don't last long once distracted.
Tomorrow is a new day, and you just have to find the strength and will to keep on keepin on!!!!
Hang in there-- it DOES get better.

CountryChick

Thank you really! I've been having a pity party all day I guess. So tomorrow its time to stand up and do this!

MissNewLife

I feel ya - i really do. Day one for me too after many promises. I've had a few months here and a few months there and always ended up back drinking and kicking myself hard. Remember today (or tomorrow) can really be your last day one. Mine too.

CountryChick

Good luck to you!!! I'm hoping if I can make it the next few days at least...

MissNewLife

Don't sell urself short u can make it more than a few days! If ur life is anything like mine it's total hell drinking. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The constant fear and anxiety and illness and blah blah blah I can't do it anymore.

CountryChick

I'm with you missnewlife. My life is hell that's why I don't know how my brain convinces me that drinking will make me feel better because it never does.

Nonsensical

We more commonly refer to this as the AV - Addictive Voice. I have one. It lives in my brain, or, rather, it is part of my brain (my amygdala) but it is not my whole brain.

My AV likes to tell me things like one more time won't matter or you can start Monday or you worked hard, you deserve this, or this time won't be so bad - you just need to be more careful.

They are all lies. In 25 years my AV hasn't told me one true thing. It is a liar and a thief. It doesn't care what happens to me as long as it gets more alcohol.

Fortunately, the rest of my brain doesn't have to do anything the AV recommends. And when it doesn't, there isn't a darn thing the AV can do about it.

I stopped listening to a known liar and my life got a lot better. I highly recommend it.

CountryChick

Thanks nonsensical! My av seems to be so powerful at times. I can't let it rule me any longer.

Nonsensical

I picture mine as a small child throwing a tantrum when it's not getting its own way. It might make some noise, but it has no actual power.

I can choose how annoyed I want to be by that screaming brat. I can stand there and watch it, or I can go in the other room and find something else to do.

I can even detach from it altogether and just observe it in an unemotional way. Look at those legs flail. How long will it continue? How does this compare to the last tantrum?

It has no superhuman powers. It's not a demon or a monster. It is just my maladaptive appetite for alcohol. It can only harm me if I feed it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

MLD51

I picture my AV as a little nasty troll sitting on my shoulder, poking me and whispering in my ear. Then I picture myself knocking it off my shoulder and walking away as it lies on the ground screaming. Sometimes I picture myself stepping on it before I walk away. It's quite satisfying.

CountryChick

That's a very good way to look at it! I'll have to remember that!

Pixus

Another way of looking at it is to still see it as a small child or sullen teenager (or to even ask the AV how old it is), but to then ask this child or teen etc. inside you, "What's wrong honey? What are you trying to tell me?". I've often found that there's a very sad, frightened or angry young self inside my head that's feeling unheard and unloved by whatever current circumstances are going on and which then triggers old hurts.

When I remember to do this, I stop 'being' the child and start being my true adult self. The adult self who knows how to look after itself and make good desicions. I then end up feeling a huge amount of compassion towards my hurt inner little girl or confused and angry teen self. This stops me beating myself over the head with recriminations and self hatred which are roads that lead to abusing myself. If you had a small sad girl or frightened teen in front of you, yelling at you, you'd likely show them compassion, not hatred and abuse.

But everyone's different, this is just a technique that works for me when I remember to use it

CountryChick

Thanks Pixus that's also a great way to look at it. I guess mainly I need to learn to recognize my AV. I need to stop and think and realize that this isn't the true me, my AV is doing all the whispering in my ear saying go ahead just one drink it'll be okay...