Dee74

Time, and good works, are a great healer SpringWater.

Once I removed alcohol from my life I was able to see I wasn't a bad person, and those 'bad' things I did I could, in time, make amends for

Stopping drinking is a great start

D

MLD51

I hated myself for quite a while when I first got sober. There was so much wreckage, so many regrets, so much remorse. There were days when I was sure I'd never be happy again. But, over time, those feelings lessened. I looked to others who had more sobriety than I did - they promised me it would get better, and it did, and still is.

Making direct amends really helps, and just being sober is a living amend. There are people who may never forgive me. I can't dwell on that. The vast majority of people are willing to, and that's a wonderful thing. When I apologize to someone for something I did, and they say they understand and forgive me, it's one of the best feelings in the world. Like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I didn't wait until I got all the way to step 9 before starting to make amends. There were certain people who needed to hear my apologies RIGHT AWAY.

The promises really do come true, if you work at it. It's all worth it.

Centered3

How did I stop hating myself?

I, too, came into AA with very low self-esteem, self-hate, and full of shame, guilt, remorse, etc. My sponsor taught me that I can't change the past, so there's no point marinating in the remorse of it. What I can change, is how I behave going forward.

By working the steps with the big book, I learned how to forgive others, which helped me to forgive myself.

We alcoholics are notorious to be people with huge egos yet the self-esteem of an ant. I forget how my sponsor worded it--something about it being a perverse sense of self.

Self-pity, remorse, and guilt are completely and utterly useless. We cannot be of help to others if we are wallowing in these emotions. Plus they are all about "self"--it's the self-centered part of our disease.

By completing my step work, I learned to let go of the anger I was still carrying around toward others who hurt me. I learned to let go of the anger I was beating myself up over hurting others. This is what freedom is.

Focus on the present moment. Look at where your feet are right now and do the next right thing.

Keep working the steps. Things will become clearer.

Anytime you find yourself in a thought of shame, guilt, remorse, self-hate, ask your Higher Power or your conception of God to help remove that thought. Then try to turn your thoughts to someone you can help. Anyone. Even if it means smiling at a stranger or holding the door for someone. Get out of "self".

Hope that helps.

SpringWater

Thank you all for the wonderful responses. I am fascinated by how you all have managed to deal with the shame, remorse, etc. At least I am not alone.

MLD51

Never alone, Spring. We are all here. I can say with confidence most, if not all, of us have shared the same feelings you are having.