SoberLeigh

Have you considered joining an SR Class, TT; below is the link to the Class of July, 2016:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lass+July+2016

SoberLeigh

Drop by the 24 Hour Recovery Connection, TT, to commit to sobriety one day at a time:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-145-a.html

Berrybean

If it would help you to have someone with yiu when you go to your first meeting, you can always contact the help line (or email address ) and they can get someone from your local group to meet up before the meeting and go in together. Or you could choose an Open meeting and get someone to come along with you.

If it makes you feel any better, you will not have to say anything at all if yiu prefer to just listen in.

Good luck. And welcome to the forum.

BB

TheadoreThiamin

There's two meetings a week really close to me and I contacted them before and they said it was ok if I brought someone with me the first time. Ideally I'd wanna push my boundary and go in by myself but of course it's more important I get my foot in the door.

So the plan is go there on Saturday with someone and if I can't walk through the door by myself a friend will come in with me.

I wanted to do it sooner but I don't think my brains recovered properly. I thought things were getting better but twice today I've had these sort of "emotional panic attacks" and dissociation that I just can't control.

First one was just because I had a meeting with a housing worker and we were discussing what the course of action should be.

The other was at my dads because I thought I was imposing and then thought my brother was pissed at me because I wanted to stay there a few days. Everything started closing in around me, I couldn't speak properly, shaking, crying and I just had to get out of there.

I dunno what's happening to me. This is way worse than before. I expected a roller-coaster but not this.

Calm now. At home. Sober. Maybe I just need a good nights sleep.

Hope day 6 is better.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

Berrybean

Yes, the anxiety can be scary. I remember feeling that it could, quite possibly, even kill me. Sounds melodramatic now perhaps, but at the time that was how it felt. Thing is, we do learn new ways to deal with life, with anxiety, with anger, with grief. All this stuff will get easier over time. For now, could you try some mini-mindfulness moments as needed. If you start feeling anxious, you could try doing this for four times (it's very simple)... breathe out of your mouth slowly, thinking "anxiety out", and then breathe in slowly thinking "calm in". If you're somewhere that you can't be alone, this is such a short n sweet exercise that it can be done while 'checking your phone ' or popping to the bathroom, reading a sign or whatever.

SweatyHands

A good night's sleep will definitely help.

That is quite a crooked road that you took to get to sobriety, but I don't know anyone who got here easily. My last few relapses were similar to your story--large amounts of vodka with little to no food. I also had my sleep cycle all messed up from the constant passing out and waking up to drink again. My sister came out to the state where I live to help me detox, and to get me to the hospital if I needed to go there, and when she got here, getting me to eat and sleep were the two biggest challenges to overcome. It sounds like you are eating, and the sleep will follow. As you start getting your strength back, and your legs are less wobbly, light exercise will also help with the anxiety a great deal.

Do you have anyone that you can call to come over to sit with you if you are in a panic? The most important thing at this point is not drinking, and that is, as we all have experienced, a temptation during these early days of sobriety. But as you have experienced, the peace that you experience in sobriety is 1000 times better than the temporary fix from drinking more poison.

You mentioned looking into mindfulness techniques for your anxiety. I am a daily meditator, and it has helped me greatly. I would suggest starting with a guided body scan meditation to help you right now. There are lots of great guided programs that you can get as podcasts, or on youtube.

Great work on day five, and keep doing what you're doing! Welcome to the club!

TheadoreThiamin

I appreciate the advice. I didn't get any sleep last night and at about 9am I cracked and got 25mg of quetiapine expecting it to knock me out for at least 7 hours and be worth the side effects. Instead I got about 3 hours and have to deal with those awful side effects.

I am eating properly and drinking lots of water, sticking to the vitamin regime the hospital put me on and I'm still sober so I guess that's something. But I'm starting to wonder if this is more dangerous then going back to maintenance drinking and tapering which is what I did last time because at least then I can function and set up a routine. I'm really worried that my brain won't heal if I can't sleep.