Words of wisdom, please ...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
I often remind myself that God
isn't gonna give me more than I
can handle....even if it seems like
a ton of bricks is weighing heavy
on my shoulder.
This 3rd Step Prayer is what I
learned and memorized early
on in recovery to be said at anytime
of the day when I need it. Even
when I lay my head down to sleep.
God, I offer myself to Thee To build
with me & to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do Thy will. Take
away my difficulties, that victory
over them may bear witness to those
I would help of Thy Power, Thy love
& Thy way of life.
When people, places and things in
life get to me for whatever reason
it is I can reach down within me, my
heart, soul and mind for that strength,
courage and wisdom for peace and
serenity to get me thru.
That Spiritual Strength, Faith in my
HP or God of my understanding is
what keeps me going, helps me remain
sober day after day no matter what
life throws at me.
I wish you peace and serenity each
day you remain sober.
isn't gonna give me more than I
can handle....even if it seems like
a ton of bricks is weighing heavy
on my shoulder.
This 3rd Step Prayer is what I
learned and memorized early
on in recovery to be said at anytime
of the day when I need it. Even
when I lay my head down to sleep.
God, I offer myself to Thee To build
with me & to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do Thy will. Take
away my difficulties, that victory
over them may bear witness to those
I would help of Thy Power, Thy love
& Thy way of life.
When people, places and things in
life get to me for whatever reason
it is I can reach down within me, my
heart, soul and mind for that strength,
courage and wisdom for peace and
serenity to get me thru.
That Spiritual Strength, Faith in my
HP or God of my understanding is
what keeps me going, helps me remain
sober day after day no matter what
life throws at me.
I wish you peace and serenity each
day you remain sober.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi desertsong, I have not read the entire thread, but "reward drinking" is very common. I was one. Eventually we need to get past it. There are many methods on how to do it. Just pick one that works best for you. Wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: former texan
Posts: 216
I am not the mom of an autistic child, so there is my disclaimer.
I am however a former teacher of a few dozen of them - of all shapes, personalities, and sizes.
What I always found worked best was Organization, with a captial O. Otherwise chaos.
I am not sure what services you have at your fingertips, but if you have any access to an ABA therapist, even for just a few hours, you should be able to divide your day into active programming and leisure time for both of you.
I also don't know the age of your child, so my advice is very broad.
In my old program, we had a morning routine of stretching, yoga, dances that I made up to songs the kids loved, and then 2-3 storybooks.
This was followed by an enforced 15 minutes of a desired activity from the child's choice book.
Then we went into 'education' mode. Functional literacy and numeracy - about 20 minutes each. Followed again by a choice of a preferred activity from the child's book. You can be nearby when the child does 'choice' but you cannot direct.
Then we went into chores. I had pictures of about 20 chores for the child to choose from. The child needed to choose a minimum of four. some needed help and directives, and others were independant. The child is always working for a 'reward' which is of course, a choice of an independant activity.
This would take us into lunch - eating followed by a rest period.
We did more curriculum in the afternoons, followed by at least a 30 minute walk, sometimes with a stop at a playground. The rest of the afternoon would be a choice video until bus time.
I know you have a 24 hour day, but am hoping some of this can be useful
It's hard work to start up, but then it flows really well, and I've always found that children on the spectrum respond very well to a well organized day.
Good luck to you
I am however a former teacher of a few dozen of them - of all shapes, personalities, and sizes.
What I always found worked best was Organization, with a captial O. Otherwise chaos.
I am not sure what services you have at your fingertips, but if you have any access to an ABA therapist, even for just a few hours, you should be able to divide your day into active programming and leisure time for both of you.
I also don't know the age of your child, so my advice is very broad.
In my old program, we had a morning routine of stretching, yoga, dances that I made up to songs the kids loved, and then 2-3 storybooks.
This was followed by an enforced 15 minutes of a desired activity from the child's choice book.
Then we went into 'education' mode. Functional literacy and numeracy - about 20 minutes each. Followed again by a choice of a preferred activity from the child's book. You can be nearby when the child does 'choice' but you cannot direct.
Then we went into chores. I had pictures of about 20 chores for the child to choose from. The child needed to choose a minimum of four. some needed help and directives, and others were independant. The child is always working for a 'reward' which is of course, a choice of an independant activity.
This would take us into lunch - eating followed by a rest period.
We did more curriculum in the afternoons, followed by at least a 30 minute walk, sometimes with a stop at a playground. The rest of the afternoon would be a choice video until bus time.
I know you have a 24 hour day, but am hoping some of this can be useful
It's hard work to start up, but then it flows really well, and I've always found that children on the spectrum respond very well to a well organized day.
Good luck to you
My brain is trying to kill me
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Palo Alto, ca
Posts: 401
Desertsong, all I can do is encourage and reinforce what you know so well, keep up the good work.
I am now a caregiver to my Dad who has dementia and poor health from congestive heart heart failure etc, so I can relate...somewhat.
Everyone says one of the most important things caregivers are condstantly told to do is take care of themselves; so much easier ssaid than done!!!
"The 36 hour day" is a well regarded reference book for caregivers of dementia/alzhiemers. I mention it only because the title pretty much sums it up. Caregiving requires us to be fully aligned in that role for 36 hours of a 24 hour day.
So here we are, and what can we do? The best for ourselves, as it is only though honesty that we can be present for those we love and cae for'
Off to see Dad and spend some quality Dad/Son time...!
I am now a caregiver to my Dad who has dementia and poor health from congestive heart heart failure etc, so I can relate...somewhat.
Everyone says one of the most important things caregivers are condstantly told to do is take care of themselves; so much easier ssaid than done!!!
"The 36 hour day" is a well regarded reference book for caregivers of dementia/alzhiemers. I mention it only because the title pretty much sums it up. Caregiving requires us to be fully aligned in that role for 36 hours of a 24 hour day.
So here we are, and what can we do? The best for ourselves, as it is only though honesty that we can be present for those we love and cae for'
Off to see Dad and spend some quality Dad/Son time...!
Choosing Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
You all rock. Thank you. One thing that has been made clear to me ... take care of myself. That is such an alien concept to me, as I have not done that in so long. It reeked of selfishness to me. But I get it now. If I am not 100%, I can't give that to my boy. So grateful to have help arriving soon, and I will put back into myself. I have given all I have to this child for so long ... and it was right to do that ... but I am running on empty. It isn't wrong to want time for ME. Why could I not see that before? So simple, so elementary, and yet ...
Thank you all so much. Another day done. And more motivated than ever to get more help aside from my caregiver. My son qualifies for LOTS of help here, but everybody has turned me away. No more. Time to fight. Thank you. Done being passive. He deserves it and so do I.
Thank you all so much. Another day done. And more motivated than ever to get more help aside from my caregiver. My son qualifies for LOTS of help here, but everybody has turned me away. No more. Time to fight. Thank you. Done being passive. He deserves it and so do I.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi desertsong.
I couldn't agree more with 001. I think it's important to make yourself more of an advocate for getting help for you and your son. It's difficult to feel confident and practice perseverance when we're drinking, and it often seems so much less stressful to launch ourselves into oblivion. I couldn't even take care of myself when I was drinking, so I continued to drink so that I wouldn't care at all.
I've worked with autistic children and their parents/families and have something of an idea of how stressful just day-to-day living can be. Many parents also suffer from guilt for having given birth to an autistic child. The work itself became overly depleting for me, so I started referring autistic children and families to people with more expertise in working with autistic children. As did I, it's time for you to recognize your limitations and to address your need for real help.
Many people who work in this field are exceptional human beings who are better at what they do than what any other person does on the planet. They have a gift that is uncanny to me, and that I simply do not possess.
There are both local and national organizations that can help, and at the very least, can make appropriate referrals. In many cities, there are free meetings and groups that can also be a powerful resource. Don't waste any more time. You don't have to continue living in an infinite loop of anger, frustration and guilt.
I couldn't agree more with 001. I think it's important to make yourself more of an advocate for getting help for you and your son. It's difficult to feel confident and practice perseverance when we're drinking, and it often seems so much less stressful to launch ourselves into oblivion. I couldn't even take care of myself when I was drinking, so I continued to drink so that I wouldn't care at all.
I've worked with autistic children and their parents/families and have something of an idea of how stressful just day-to-day living can be. Many parents also suffer from guilt for having given birth to an autistic child. The work itself became overly depleting for me, so I started referring autistic children and families to people with more expertise in working with autistic children. As did I, it's time for you to recognize your limitations and to address your need for real help.
Many people who work in this field are exceptional human beings who are better at what they do than what any other person does on the planet. They have a gift that is uncanny to me, and that I simply do not possess.
There are both local and national organizations that can help, and at the very least, can make appropriate referrals. In many cities, there are free meetings and groups that can also be a powerful resource. Don't waste any more time. You don't have to continue living in an infinite loop of anger, frustration and guilt.
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